Wondering what to buy Ashton and Demi to congratulate them on their upcoming release? Why not get them a robot crack baby!

In today's New York Times 'Metro' section, there's an article about charges against Rosario Dawson being dropped after she was arrested at an anti-RNC rally last year. Dawson was apparently filming a scene for a movie when she got popped.

· Sarah Michelle Gellar storms away from the William Morris Agency after she was served some choice insults from agency president Dave Wirtschafter in the latest New Yorker. Nobody puts Buffy in a corner, Dave. [Page Six]
· Demi Moore's reps invoke the classic denial, plus the "I only know what she tells me" line when questioned about her rumored pregnancy. We've said it a hundred times, but we'll say it again: no means yes! [R&M (2nd item)]
· This one's a stretch, but David Hillenbrand (who wrote some SpongeBob lyrics for the movie) has cast gangbang queen Jasmin St. Claire in National Lampoon's Dorm Daze 2. Somehow, this makes SpongeBob controversial, but we don't follow. [Page Six]
· Marc Anthony is paparazzi-shy, but J.Lo still loves the cameras. Let the Race From The Altar begin! [Lowdown (2nd to last)]

Chuck Klosterman haters, prepare your spleens. According to Done Deal, the culture critic you love to hate is going Hollywood:

The Globe and Mail has a report from Bloomberg about National Lampoon, Inc.'s filing for an IPO. According to the article:

If the recent slew of celebrity breakups hasn't completely destroyed your will to drink, allow us to help you acheive that morning blackout you've so been craving: DEMI MOORE IS CARRYING THE SPAWN OF ASHTON KUTCHER.

Did you happen to catch The Insider? No? You should really check it out.

Not a professional journalist, Bizarro Gawker is not, but in normal world, journalists send interview requests to actresses, not versa-vice. Which strange, made this email in outbox:

Even the boring ones are dropping like flies... And Jesus wept.
Katie And Chris Call It Quits [E!]

Tonight's PR schedule has a doozy:

Today the world learned that freshly separated Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston were reportedly locking lips at an Oscar Party over the weekend — then we immediately blacked out from the shock.

· Is it just us, or is this letter from MarthaStewart.com editor in chief Margaret Roach a little, um, off? "'Now, first things first,' I can hear Martha saying as I write this..." [Martha Stewart]
· Tom Shales calls Chris Rock's Oscar stint "strangely lame and mean-spirited." Well, Rock is rubber and Tom is glue... [WaPo]
· Michael Musto of the Voice tries his hand at play-by-play Oscar coverage under the title Million Dollar Dead Baby. Adorable! [VV]
· We're hearing that Friday' gay reporter in need of love might be Family Circle's Glenn Plaskin. Can we get a confirmation up in here?

Everyone knows New Orleans is for drinking, but it's also becoming the go-to spot for slummy celebrity bar-hopping. After Lindsay Lohan turned a Girls Gone Wild event into her personal cotillion, Jude Law follows suit in his own reserved, British-y way. A reader writes:

We barely slept a wink last night, as last night's Black Edition of the Oscars had our blood racing with its edgy edginess and nouveau newness! Did you see how they lined up some of the low-level nominees on the stage? Breathtaking. Or when other "unimportant" nominees were presented their Oscars without having to leave the comfort of their seats? Stunning. And ooooh, Chris Rock really stirred things up when he told the audience, "Sit your asses down." (Thanks to Matt Drudge for dutifully reprinting this quote twice as his headline — once as "Sit You Asses Down." Direct translations are so helpful!)

According to today's New York Times, Miramax might be releasing 22 films in the next seven months as the Brothers Grimm—we mean Weinstein—prepare to leave Disney (cue: Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive").

Perhaps fearful of another SpongeBob SquarePants situation, FOX seems to be going all family values with Robots, their upcoming fast food tie-in, merchandising bonanza, TV spin-off, and (finally) movie. No winking queer subtext here! Just sassy robots and their shiny, oiled exoskeletons.

In this week's Onion A.V. Club, Nathan Rabin reviews Pauly Shore is Dead and writes, we're pretty sure, the first and (hopefully) last sentence ever to contain the words "Pauly," "Shore," "Postmodernism," and "moribund." See for yourself:

Family Values Valkyrie (and government employee) Maggie Gallagher has a thing or two to say about Clint Eastwood's Million Dollar Baby. We just wonder which rival studio head slipped her a Franklin to write the following:

See it with the drink(s) you love.

· After just two months, Julia Roberts is ready to auction off the innocence of her young children. Her infant twins (inexplicably named Hazel and Finn — just like your favorite domestic servants!) will appear on the cover of People magazine. [NYDN, image via]
· Sean Connery throws a Hollywood-style hissy fit and walks away from a $17.5 million paycheck; apparently he's tired of working on big budget films. Guess some people will avoid working with Brett Ratner at all costs. [Page Six]
· Flava Flav runs into oncoming traffic for Brigitte Nielsen, who had an asthma attack. No one was harmed—except for the careers of VH1 cameramen, who totally missed getting this on tape. [Lowdown]
· Usher allegedly had a six-way orgy; clearly the man has stamina, which explains how he could handle Naomi Campbell for so long. [Page Six]
· Janet Jackson's wardrobe will malfunction all by itself — if you so much as go near her, her bodyguards will chew off your arms. [R&M]