Not too many takers on today's Page Six blind items but boy, we sure got a lot of pictures of dangling manhood inches. Thanks!! Your answers, but not photos, after the jump.

We have moral dilemmas around here too. For example, what would YOU do if you received a totally wacky email that's intriguing yet totally untrue? Well we think for a moment, remember we don't have a legal team to consult, and then print the sucker but only because we dream of a world where all celebrities - man, woman, everyone over 18 - are free of the societal and familial pressures to pose nude in Playboy. Just like Nancy Sinatra in 1995. Anyway, a reader drunkenly types this meritless garbage from a mental institution:

We continue our practice of corralling guest-dissectors to pick the fur balls and Herringbones out of New York magazine's Look Book subjects. In this week's edition we are treated to Michael and Kathryn Cerussi, a corporate lawyer and former Glamour magazine exec from the early 80's. We haven't been this horrified by looking at a couple since the bath tub scene in Party Monster with Macaulay Culkin and Chlo Sevigny. Intern Alexis provides expert commentary by interviewing Tricia Romano of the Village Voice, Jon Boschetto who is a PhD candidate at Princeton, and Fleshbot Intern Matthew Schneier because no one else is around this week. All is revealed after the jump.

Dan Wilson, VP of Rent-A-John in Sparta, NJ sent out a Christmas message to his customers and associates to remind them that even Jesus Christ takes a dump sitting down. Nevermind the doormen of NYC high-rises, does anyone have a clue what you're supposed to tip your septic guy?

Liza Minelli woke-up on the wrong side of the bed yesterday, promptly fell out, and needed four men and god knows how many huskies to transport her to the hospital. She "appeared intoxicated." [NYDN]

Despite the rain—uh, and completely foul weather today—traffic is but a forgotten memory this vacation week. Still nothing does us right like a little road rage on Fountain, recounted on Blogging.la:

It's cold, we're tired, and perhaps we stayed out too far past our curfew last night. So we ask you, loyal readers, to do some of the heavy-lifting around here today. It's Page Six blind item time. Go nuts!

Is Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve still rockin' without him? Your preference for Regis Philbin aside, apparently it still is according to Priceline.com. New York City ranks as the #1 destination for New Year's celebrations according to hotel reservations (though Hotwire's bookings tell a much different story) and specifically 4 of the top 5 neighborhoods are New York: midtown west, midtown east, midtown south, and upper midtown/Central Park south. Okay, so does that cover midtown? Of course, go to a source like PubClub.com "the purveyors of partying" and read why New York is the #1 place to avoid on the big night.

1. This comes to us from a MySpace.com message board that requires membership so just trust us on this one. It sounds like something you should check out.

Open All Night reports on the charitable holiday activities of local recording artists:

The LAT forces poor staff writer Mary McNamara to drive into John Travolta's fly-in community in Ocala, Florida. What, couldn't they get her a small plane? Travolta, like a loose marble, seems to roll to the corners of the country—his other residences are in Brentwood and on an island in Maine—but he keeps the kids' minds clean no matter where they alight:

The January issue of GQ goes on sale tomorrow but we offer a sneak peak at a boffo interview with actress Kate Bosworth, star of the box office hits "Blue Crush" and "Win a Date with Tad Hamilton." She also dates Orlando Bloom. Up to speed? Great. She apparently also dispenses wisdom like a gas station snack machine. With a nod to the much-forwarded "Deep Thoughts From Supermodels" from about ten years ago, GQ displays Kate's own necklace of wisdom pearls in a manner that leaves us wondering why they're being so mean. And then why the swimsuit photos? Is this the new ironic sexism? Perhaps it's the gay editors who can't stand pretty actresses or the lonely straight guys who want to hate-fuck them. Either way, here's a sampling of Kate's quick-takes after the jump.

Stuck in town over the holiday weekend (and feeling so much self-pity that we actually had a solo Christmas dinner at the McDonald's on Delancey Street), we thought it would be a good idea to embark on a walking survey of the Lower East Side to see if the old Jewish neighborhood's offerings were plentiful for alcohol-seekers on Christmas night. The map above designates bars that were open and while we didn't drink at each one, we did give them all the door knob test. Textual listing after the jump.

New York Post's Elisa Lipsky-Karasz serves up a double-dose of Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton to fix your weekend-long craving.

There's nothing silent or holy about Christmas night when it comes to the Jesus Birthday Suit edition of Saturday's weekly "Rated X" party held at Opaline in the East Village. For the uninitiated, it's a "Panty Party" hosted by sleaze-fest DJs Theo and Michael T who play lots of ass-shaking punk and indie rock to scantily clad revelers. The reward for checking your pants at the door is a 2-for-1 drink special all night. Photographer Nikola Tamindzic dutifully documents the evening.

Ann Coulter (pictured here from the depths of Hell) resorts to "Crusade humor" to sell some books and raise her profile. It's charming, much like Eminem making a controversy-for-the-sake-of-it music video. Now we know she's a talking head and all but we're still a little shocked she stopped tugging Rummy's mighty pen long enough to type this.

Good morning. Your regular editors, Jessica Coen and Matt Haber, are safely tucked away in a Queens Boulevard safehouse with 10 pounds of duct tape and very little else. Don't worry too much since I, Andrew Krucoff, will only be here to act as Gawker's caretaker during the media industry's annual "Sleeps Week" between Christmas and New Year's. Please stick around for the bad jokes and attempts to sneak porn onto the site. I'll try not to make a mockery of all the mockery that goes on around here.

After watching the Pope work his way through last night's performance at the Vatican, we realized that much like John Paul Deux, we might be in need of a little rest. As such, Matt Haber and I are taking the next week off to pursue other projects: namely, the building of next year's waxworks nativity featuring our favorite Manhattanites (with Jonathan Cheban as Joseph, of course!). We may pop in here and there, but otherwise we'll be leaving you in the capable (and slightly hairy) hands of Andrew Krucoff. He'll ride this bitch into 2005 and, come January 3rd, Haber and I will be back to help you break all of your pointless resolutions.

Friday:
· Ah, Christmas Eve: the height of conspicuous consumerism, familial-induced self-loathing, and excessive alcohol consumption. And now, thanks to The Woodsman, pedophilia! Be sure to wear a raincoat to the theater. [Fandango
· The J-Date set gives real human interaction a go tonight at The Ball 2004, billed as the largest Jewish singles event in the nation. Bonus: it s in that trendy Meatpacking District area we ve been hearing so much about! [LMPG]
Saturday:
· Jewish? Have no family? Hate your family? Makor holds its second annual movies and all-you-can-eat Chinese food celebration. Laughs come courtesy of Borscht Belt comedians Ben Stiller (Zoolander, The Royal Tenenbaums) and Mel Brooks (Blazing Saddles, Young Frankenstein). [92nd Street Y]
· Finally, a Christmas party not centered around your insane family: the kind folks at Anatomy bring you the Blunted Funk San Francisco Xmas party, with west-coast beats and west-coast beer for all to enjoy. [Rhythmism]
Sunday:
· Oh, who are we kidding? You're either sleeping off your hangover or spending the day waiting in line to return those god-awful holiday Uggs bestowed upon you by some misinformed cousin.

The holiday spirit has invaded Craigslist and, well, it's exactly what you'd expect: