Sightings are sent in by readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

The wait is almost over. We've been eagerly anticipating this since we first heard about it in September:

Oh, no. Tomorrow's Christmas and you still haven't finished your gift shopping? You're so screwed.

· Lesbian love update: Talk show host Ellen DeGeneres and Arrested Development star Portia deRossi are still madly in lurve, so much so that deRossi is trying to remove her tattoo bearing the initials of her former lover. [Page Six]
· If you had any doubts about how evil Hollywood truly is, actors and actresses don't believe in Santa Claus. [R&M]
· Just to prove that there really is no limit to how far celebrity journalism will go, US Weekly reporter Shelley Reinstein has committed to dog-sitting P. Diddy's puppy. [Page Six]
· Lloyd Grove continues his ban on writing about patron skank Paris Hilton by, uh, writing about her and using "[redacted]" instead of her name. We can't wait to see how he covers "[redacted's]" latest sex tape. [Lowdown]

Heartfelt thanks to this week's sponsors, who have ensured that our holidays are overflowing with fruitcakes and yule logs. Interested in joining our advertising cult? More info here.

· Evidently feeling that the names of his mates in Wu-Tang weren t bizarre enough, the always-lovable Raekwon the Chef takes the stage tonight at Lion s Den with Poison Pen, Manhood Ent Cashmere, and Silverback Guerillaz Domination, among others. [CEG]
· Well-respected Jazz legends with over 40 records are kinda hard to make fun of, so we ll just give it to your straight: vibraphone superstar Roy Ayers grooves out at Joe s Pub tonight. [flavorpill]
· Judging by the number of ostensibly Jewish events this December, it appears as if the tribe is poised for an all-out takeover of Christmas. Tonight, the Knitting Factory plays host to Rob Tannenbaum and Sean Altman s What I Like About Jew. Guests during the two-night stint range from Screw Magazine founder Al Goldstein to Jackie Hoffman. [KF]

· Viacom whip-wielder Les Moonves and Early Show co-host Julie Chen are reportedly marrying in Mexico this weekend. The staff at Brite Smile will act as groomsmen, we assume. [Page Six]
· Playmate Nicole Lenz has repaired her "friendship" with violent party-girl Bijou Phillips, but heiress Casey Johnson isn't so lucky. Lenz is now claiming Johnson sent a private investigator to sneak into Lenz's home and take pictures of her diary. [R&M]
· Is actress Gwyneth Paltrow trying for another baby with husband Chris Martin? And will she name the newborn Pomegranate? [Page Six]

Oops, maybe we should stop reading the real news first and read the gossip columns FIRST THING IN THE MORNING, 'cause we totally missed the anti-Paris boat, as built by the Daily News' Lloyd Grove. While we're busy posting random pictures of her (at the Jeremy Scott show, we've been informed) that we find amusing, Grove is on the Today Show declaring he shall never again write about our favorite heiress. His column today includes a thorough list of Paris' crimes against humanity, including (but by no means limited to):

This just appeared in our inbox:

It wouldn't be the holidays if we didn't remind you how poor you are or, more specifically, of your cramped and congested Manhattan life. As such, direct your attention to the 18-room Yonkers castle purchased by art historian Kohle Yohannan for a mere $469,000. Yohannan has invested more than $750K to renovate the dilapidated manse and is finally showing off its features (including a silk-draped Turkish sitting room—because, you know, castles in Yonkers naturally evoke the magic of Istanbul).

The LA.comfidential blog reports that Deep, that staple of Hollywood velvet-rope action, is closing its doors after New Year's and will be reborn with a new name and owner. Some of you will miss the go-go girls in their glass prisons hovering above the bar; others will lament the shuttering of their cozy little catacombs with the closed-circuit TVs, suitable for semiexhibitionist trysts. But the club's proudest moment might have been the poker scene from Ocean's Eleven, where Brad Pitt and George Clooney fleece some young poseurs (cameos by Joshua Jackson, Topher Grace, Shane West, and Holly Marie Combs), and which features this adorable, wink-wink exchange between Clooney and Grace:

· Christmas overload? Get some Chinese take-out and head on over to Joe s Pub for Heeb Storytelling, a reading by the non-gentile scribes of The Daily Show and Saturday Night Live, among others. [Heeb]
· Do you have the insatiable desire to get your name in the Guinness Book of Records, no matter how inconsequential the record? Well you might just be in luck: show up at St. Bartholomew s Church at 6pm tonight to help break the world record for largest number of Christmas carolers, which, according to Google, appears to be around 1,100. And don t let anyone tell you ever again that you never did anything with your life! [NY Press]
· Christmas, pagan-hipster style: cocktails, a human petting zoo, a Scissor Sister, half of art band Fischerspooner, and the Cracked Nut Dancers all descend upon Williamsburg tonight for Chaos and Candy III, the warped holiday celebration of Adam Dugas. [flavorpill]

You know that "ironic" birthday party your friend had at Bowlmor Lanes last year? Yeah, you and all your pals pigged out on wings and fries, got drunk, and quoted The Big Lebowski while throwing stones all night.

Christmas In Chinatown [Verbose Coma]

In its end-of-year newsletter, UK e-mail gossip rag Popbitch names its Surgical Procedure of the Year:

Is it just us, or has the Roc-A-Fella family been on a massive PR campaign as of late? Try as we might, we can't avoid Damon Dash and his army of successful hip-hoppers. To wit:

This is a trashy story, but worth telling. From an anonymous emailer:

According to Page Six, Icelandic sister from another planet was hanging out with friends at Gavin Brown's Passerby bar Saturday when:

Because executive-producing a film about pedophilia simply isn't enough, Roc-A-Fella co-founder Damon Dash is has created the Debonair Dash teddy bear. Available on eBay, the Debonair Dash bear is the perfect holiday present:

· A rose is a rose is a rose, said Gertrude Stein—unless it s in the care of a gay. Then it s a probably a finely pruned, de-thorned, properly watered, exquisitely maintained rose. For tips on how to make your rose the latter, head to Indoor Gardening Society Meeting at The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Community Center. [TONY]
· Anytime the words "bastard" and "holiday" are used in the same sentence, we feel instantly at ease. Check out the Bastard Jazz Scratch Holiday and celebrate the season with broken beats and jingle dubs. [flavorpill]
· Blonde, unemployed, Upper East Side trophy wives frontin as interior decorators now have another, though slightly less glamorous, place to go throw around hubby s money: the Oasis Day Spa opens today at JFK Airport. [What's Up NYC]