1. Alas and alack the Tinkle pre-New Year's Eve Show at Piano's hosted by David Cross, Todd Barry and Jon Benjamin with guests Paul F. Thompson, Fred Armison and Eugene Mirman is sold out. But! You can still catch the show, free of charge, upstairs on a big screen TV. And maybe, if you're lucky, you can touch David Cross's sleeve on your way out. [Tinkle.info]
2. Holidays have you feeling a bit atonal? Then catch "drone music" pioneer Birchville Cat Motel perform with Sonic Youth-er Lee Ranaldo at Tonic. [Tonic NYC]
3. Onetime funk-sideliner Maceo Parker takes the funk center stage tonight at Irving Plaza. [Irving Plaza]
4. Rest up for tomorrow. [at Home via Common Sense]

Memo to Lindsay Lohan: Stop this wicked path of self-destruction you are currently on or suffer the consequences of ending up on the Country Music Channel in twenty years.

Hell hath no fury like a Clay Aiken fan scorned or forced to look at a pin-up of Ruben Studdard. The hate mail continues to pour in from the allegations posted here that Aiken acted like the Great Santini of choir leaders to a bunch of school kids. One determined reader has written us three times. Each time the font got bigger, redder, and crazier. You really have to appreciate this kind of devotion from a fanbase. Or get very, very, very far away from them.

In case your subscription to International Scientology News—or Cult News— has lapsed, it's been reported that the December issue has a doozy of a photo of Tom Cruise getting heavy-medalled by David Miscavige, Chairman of the Board of the Religious Technology Center. If I'd known there would be pretty diamond-studded jewelry involved when I took that personality test on Hollywood Boulevard, I'd be all up in that Scientology spaceship by now.

· Donald Trump plans to launch a line of hair care products for men over 40. Just as we generally avoid taking music recommendations from deaf people, we think we're going to pass on buying leave-in conditioner from Donald Trump. [Page Six]
· In the Denial Is Not Just A Parasitic-Diseased River In Egypt Department, Vanessa Williams claims that she is not getting a divorce from ex-L.A. Laker Rick Fox...but that's not what Fox's publicist says. Those bi-coastal marriages never work out. [NYDN Gatecrasher]
· Either Page Sixers got a copy of "100 Years of Solitude" for Christmas and are hoping to inject a bit of magical realism into the washed out pages of the New York Post or someone hot-boxed their offices. Something has to explain this item. [Page Six]

More holiday gift-giving from two well-respected bloggers who graciously answered our call to play Santa. Matt from Fluxblog has a soft spot for Lindsay Lohan, Bono, and the Republican Party while Rex of Fimoculous wraps Karl Rove, Janet Jackson, Mel Gibson, and Neocon Bloggers in a giant bow. Their wonderful gift ideas after the jump.

The Sunshine Cinema on New York's Lower East Side gives moms, immigrant nannies, and stay-at-home dads a break on Wednesday mornings by holding special screenings that allow babies free entry. Sounds like a great idea except yesterday they showed The Woodsman, a movie where Kevin Bacon plays THE WORLD'S MOST DISTURBING PEDOPHILE. Babies don't retain this stuff, right?

Since we're strict Gregorians, you won't see any 2004 wrap-ups by us until January because THE YEAR ISN'T OVER YET. Anything can happen before midnight tomorrow and the tsunami tragedy is a painful reminder. But, we do love the lists other people come up with and here are two for both parts of your brain: the one that loves pretty pictures of people and the other that has an attention span of more than ten minutes. Yes, we're talking about fashion and books.

I am stepping out of the royal we for a moment to remind you that it's still me, Andrew Krucoff, helming the S.S. Gawker and the iceberg ahead doesn't look very threatening. The regular editors are having a great time on vacation, the color is beginning to return to their cheeks, and Jessica is back to her fighting weight. They are primed to kick the living shit out of 2005 when they resume duty here on Monday. Until then, heads down, chins up, and more rock.

1. John Mayer + Corey Harris play at Webster Hall tonight if that's your thing. Mayer is returning to his blues roots, the ones he developed in Fairfield, CT strangely enough. [Village Voice]
2. Original punk priestess Patti Smith performs at Bowery Ballroom tonight and tomorrow in a two day warm-up before her big New Year's gig there. [Bowery Ballroom]
3. Shakespeare's The Merchant Of Venice opens tonight at Lincoln Plaza Cinemas and Loews East Village Theatre. Go see Pacino get his Shylock and scream on.
4. DJ McCUTCHEON! Rock and roll, Britpop and more at 12" Bar on Essex below Houston.

Andy Towle gets a hold of the new Versace ad with Madonna (via A Socialite's Life) and imagines how she trained for the photo shoot.

Today's media edition of Page Six Blind Items produced more fire than lit matches in a Conde Nast bathroom. We're beginning to think Bonnie Fuller should be receiving royalty checks at this point and that perhaps she has the words "blind item" tatooed on her ass cheeks. Read on as we separate the names from the comments for item #2 in mix-n-match fashion since everyone thinks all downtown publishers are cokewhore thieves.

As mentioned here yesterday, downtown record store Other Music had their 2nd annual Holiday Bash last night at Apt in the Meatpacking District and we sent photographer Nikola Tamindzic to take pictures of anyone who looks like they know the difference between Def Jux and Def Jam, people in bands, danceheads, and hot ass. In no specific order. Pictured above is a rear shot of Village Voice's Tricia Romano and we're sure there's a joke about a shaved dog walking backwards but it's a little hard to place right now. More stunning photos after the jump.

· The wheel in the sky keeps on turning when you read Steve Perry fan fiction. We suggest something from the "Drama" category. [Perry Tales]
· Every municipality in the country should be so lucky to have its own local media/gossip blog like Slanderous Minneapolis. [The Authority in Minneapolis Gossip]
·Arcade Fire is one of the hot indie bands of the moment and all a CraigsLister asks is that you don't be such a dick when scalping tix. [CraigsList via ToTC]
· It's not like the real Britney Spears is an actual functioning human anyway, so you might as well splurge for the sex doll. I'm sure it makes (a) great conversation (piece). [eBay]
· For the struggling actors and passable models who would rather see the homes they'll never live in, instead of the restaurants they can't afford off the clock, here's your chance to be a real estate agent! [CraigsList]
· Non-Whites have been curiously spotted on New York Social Diary. [Jossip] It must be a seasonal thing. [Gawker]
· Weirdly bitchy takedown of two Conde Nast-related books and their authors, Graydon Carter and Tom Ford, by Roger Friedman. When will Fox hire a gay man to cover this stuff? [Book Bargains: Buyers Reject Vanity Fair]
· Many of you have written about Jerry Orbach's death and we are deeply saddened as well. But outside of family, there's probably no greater admiration for the Law & Order actor than what you'll find over at Gothamist. [Farewell Jerry Orbach]
· Our apologies for missing that Fleshbot reported on the Lindsay Lohan Playboy rumors before we did yesterday. It's not happening. Ever. [FemaleFirst via Fleshbot]

Culled from photos found on A Socialite's Life we assembled this montage dubbed: "The Mother, Daughter, and The Holy Gash." We wish Pam, Lindsay and Paris the best of everything in '05 (primarily staying disease/video-free) and thank them for the opportunity to use that damn Kinks reference we always wanted to.

Let's give the Page Six blind item game another shot this week. Half of the New York media world isn't even operating this week (or they're on skeleton staffs) but we've picked two of the four offered today for their raw media meatiness. Dig in and don't poke an eye out.

Amy Alkon points us in the direction of California's new Megan's Law website—and it couldn't BE more fun! It's like Friendster for the molester set! And you just know the new sex offender registry has caused a panic on the lots right now; somewhere, as we speak, a producer is eyeing an auditioning teen...

Many thanks to the reader who took our request seriously and attended the Slavic Soul Party in Brooklyn Tuesday night. It's important these days for everyone to show some international community spirit, especially when beer and brass instruments are involved. JM of Park Slope reviews the festive scene after the jump.

1. For a music store as cool as Other Music you have to question why they're holding their 2nd Annual Holiday Party in the Meatpacking District of all places tonight. Then again, that could be a stroke of brilliance if you take into account how dead the city is in the days leading up to New Year's. [FreeNYC]

Did your plans fall through to spend New Year's in St. Bart's with all the other rich New York assholes? Well don't fret, just take that $50,000 you keep for "walking around" money and bid on a party at 49 Grove, "New York's Newest Most Most Exclusive Lounge." They used "most" twice so they must be serious.