· Paris Hilton will reportedly make a surprise appearance on Saturday Night Live, this week hosted by Rev. Al Sharpton with musical guest Pink. (Item near end). [NY Daily News]

· "I'd rather see the President dead:" Eminem, who has already metaphorically killed women, gays, and the recording industry via the insidious power of this "rap music" that the kids listen to, aims at the president in a new "shock song." [Drudge]

· Couldn't you just die thinking about the Grammys? I mean, just absolutely pass out with boredom? Young artists flood Grammy nominations, with Beyonce, Coldplay, Eminem, Justin Timberlake, Missy Elliott, OutKast, and The White Stripes up for top awards. Coldplay's Chris Martin is already prepping to thank Gwyneth Paltrow for bearing little Damian. (Yah, that's my current pick for their baby name. Has that nice Satanic ring.) [NY Daily News]

· The Simple Life will spawn. "I'm sure executives at the other networks are hearing pitches from producers saying, "I can get Cher into a nunnery,'" said a Fox executive. "You're going to see a lot of shows with celebrities put into weird situations." Next season we're most looking forward to seeing Courtney Love's Daycare! [NY Daily News]

· Tina Brown, now with only a soon-to-be weekly television show and a weekly column, raises above the bad news to announce: "The good news is, now at least I have time to shop." That's right, Tina. Keep the focus, baby. [NY Post]

· Michael Jackson is looking to sell Fox a television special that includes celebrity testimonials. Sure to air between The Simple Life and The O.C. [Fox 411]

· Rumor now is that Gwyneth may already be married to Chris Martin. [NY Post]

· New York Times publishes an obituary for a living person; pre-sales of Jayson Blair's book gain. [NY Daily News]

· From this week's Time Out (no, I don't read it, so I didn't see this 'til today): completely straight, absolutely non-metrosexual men discover yoga: page one, page two.
· Barbra loses lawsuit over these aerial photos.
· Tom Cruise: 'I don't give a rodent's ringpiece what flavor of genitals he prefers.'

· Go back to where all today's scandals began: Trio to rebroadcast Vanessa Williams's Miss America win. [via Scrubbles]
· I didn't say this: Rick Moody Is the Worst Music Reviewer of His Generation.
· The real guide to suriving the holiday party season.
· Chuck Klosterman considers Friendster in the January Esquire.

You'll be pleased to hear that Sofia Coppola isn't divorcing Conde Nast's editorial director James Truman. That's Mr. Truman in the NY Post with Sofia, not soon-to-be ex-husband Spike Jonze as the caption claims.
Liz Smith [NY Post]
Spike Jonze [Film Festivals]
James Truman [Artnet]

· Directors Sofia Coppola and Spike Jonze unable to agree on plot points, announce divorce. [NY Post]
· Paris "No Questions!" Hilton hires "two beefy thugs" to keep reporters from inquiring about her sex tape. Video only, no audio. [NY Post]
· Barbara Walters watches the Paris Hilton sex tape? Not quite, but she did announce on The View, "I like to look" at naked women in hot tubs because "they've got beautiful bodies." [The Scoop]
· The pressure is on: Chris Martin, Gwyneth Paltrow's boyfriend and Coldplay singer, reportedly to propose now that she is baby-laden. Does he pull a Ben Affleck and turn to red rose petals, or does he avoid popping the question all together? [NY Daily News]
· What kind of an establishment would ban students from engaging in sex in a classroom setting with a video camera? NYU. No wonder the library is a suicide magnet. [NY Times] [via Drudge]
· On Sex and the City, Miranda may be moving to a far off city... Brooklyn. No way, a single lawyer with a baby moves to Brooklyn? [NY Daily News]
· Courtney Love spent her Thanksgiving in a Malibu rehab facility. [NY Post]

Sightings are sent in by readers: send yours to tips@gawker.com.

Ugh, winter. I can't believe it started snowing yesterday! This sucks!

· You can get an entire film crew in Paris. France, not Hilton. Sex and the City finale may be set in Paris, not New York. [NY Post]
· Michael Jackson is worried he is being spied on in his own home. The interiors of his stuffed animals and 12-year-old boys are all being checked for surveillance devices. [NY Daily News]
· Chapin is not the private school of choice for Rich Girl Jamie Gleicher. Although Chapin was shown in the first episode of Rich Girls, the school has been cut because Gleicher never actually attended it. Said one Chapin alumna, "I think that the show exceeds every negative stereotype that exists about New York City private-school girls... It makes it seem like everyone?s really dumb and really loaded but still gets to go to the right colleges." Uh, yeah? [NY Observer]
· Gwyneth Paltrow could be popping out offspring shortly. She wants babies, she has Chris Martin of Coldplay, and her flack is not issuing a denial. Call Tina Brown! Pregnancy is V. V. Hot this summer! [NY Daily News]
· J.Lo may be the subject of Jackie Collin's latest book, Hollywood Divorces. Why, it's about a J.Lo-type who marries a dud to escape her true love, a P.Diddy-type. Collins believes that J.Lo "should be with P.Diddy" and everyone and their mother - including Guadalupe Lopez - would be better for buying her book. [The Scoop]

· The history of celebrity porn.
· The New York Times Book Review... back when it was good.
· Don't be disputing DJ Bedrock.

· The OC drinking game. (You know, to go with the Simple Life drinking game. Ah, TV and liquor: they go together as well as any other two depressants.)
· The Black List: Grow Up Already.
· Alexander Star named Number Three at NYT Mag.
· Add to the official List of Very Wrong words: PoMosexuality.
· He gives 'til it hurts: Sting to Present Britain's Bad Sex Award.

· A new sex tape is hitting the internet near you, starring Gena Lee Nolin of Baywatch. On the tape, she complains about her new breast implants and bites her man "in a sensitive area." Celebrity sex tapes shouldn't even qualify as news anymore. [NY Daily News]
· Former stock analyst and current Martha Stewart chronicler, Henry Blodget is way behind on his memoir, due out in May. Amazon lists a forthcoming "Internet Revolution" by Blodgett, Henry Blodget. [NY Daily News]
· Alicia Keys does not want her ass getting in the way of her ambitions. "I don't care to be in that category" of "greatest asses in the business," she says. "I might run for governor of New York State one day. I'm a people person, and I know how to bring out the best in people. So, hey, you never know." [NY Daily News]
· When Tina Brown, Rosie O'Donnell, Oprah Winfrey, and Martha Stewart are passed up for I Want Media's Media Person of the Year, does that mean fame itself is finally over? And if Howell Raines is in that category, is anti-fame the new fame? [NY Daily News]

Our pal Elizabeth Spiers over at The Kicker has been MIA for a while, and now her site claims "Technical difficulties." Such a nice euphemism! Remember when Whitney Houston was being treated for "exhaustion"? Remember when celebrities used to collapse from "dehydration" every other weekend? Remember when New York mag's Deborah Schoeneman brought all that tainted heroin to the offices on Monday morning?
Technical Difficulties [The Kicker]

· Page Six rips Alex Kuczynski a new one over her mash note to Viggo Mortensen in January's Vanity Fair. [NY Post]
· Speaking of, Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter has supposedly sold a book to publishers FSG. The book, about the evils of the Bush administration, reportedly won't distract Mr. Carter from his long, late, smoky hours at the VF offices. [NY Mag]
· Sofia Coppola, writer and director of Lost in Translation, is confused as to why her film is doing well. "I think that everyone knows the feelings of longing... that you know is not going to last," she says, adding that she understands this success may well be a fluke and this time next year she could easily be washing windows for spare change. [Hollywood Reporter/Reuters]
· Set up that them there VCR, boy. The Arkansas town represented in Fox's Paris Hilton's reality show "The Simple Life" is gearing up for Hiltonmania. "The sex tape has nothing to do with Altus, has nothing to do with us," the mayor says. "I'm not going to judge people by their past achievements or faults. Always when they were with me they were friendly." [AP/ABC News]
· But perhaps the whole town doesn't agree: "I didn't like the way the girls ran around town, the way they were dressed and the way they acted," says Debbie Crabtree, 48, who works at Wiederkehr's Restaurant. "The young boys that work up at the restaurant, it was not a good influence on them. It was obvious they changed the way they acted when the girls came in." She added the boys were suddenly, by comparison, smarter and uglier than the heiresses. [NY Daily News]
· Miss Cleo, the former television psychic, is running into problems as a spokesperson for Fuse, the new un-VH1. Not only is her real name Youree, but it turns out that fellow spokesmodel Tammy Faye Messner (formerly Bakker) would rather talk to a dirty dirty porn star than a psychic. [NY Daily News]

It was revealed today that celebutante Paris Hilton flew back Tuesday to New York for Thanksgiving — and that she flew back on United, coach.

On Thanksgiving morning, as I cabbed down the Bowery toward an awe-inspiring multi-course meal, I caught a glimpse of a giant white tent built up outside the Bowery Mission homeless shelter. Why, they'd built the homeless a little home to eat in, just for the afternoon! I craned my neck as the taxi passed by, but only caught the flash of a dozen cameras, the media in full attendance to document the good deed of the day.

· Tina Brown was brought to tears by surprise 50th birthday party last Friday. The guests, she said, represented the best days of her life. Here's to another 57 years as good as the last, Tina. (We kid!) [NY Daily News]
· Newlywed Jessica Simpson admits "I don't ever think before I talk." Mm hmm. [NY Daily News]
· Pornstar Jenna Jameson thinks she is Julia Roberts, "just a little bit" sluttier. Roberts prepares lawsuit regarding the vagueness of the phrase "little bit." (last item) [Washington Post]
· P. Diddy threw a fit when he found out he was only a presenter, not a winner of VH1's "Big in '03" awards. What do you want to win, Diddy? "I want to be the Big Maverick - give me the Big Maverick '03 award!" The script was reworked, and now Diddy has another insignificant award on his mantle to torture him late at night when he remembers that he is a talent-free corporate entity. [NY Post]
· Michael Jackson will be stronger than yesterday tomorrow, says his psychic. "I got a flash," he says. "Because of this frame up, no one is going to believe the earlier charges were a frame up too, and he?'s going to come out of this stronger than ever. This all came to me like a lightning bolt." Slow news day, eh? [The Scoop]

· Real World San Diego gets way too real in sexual assault case.
· Jennifer Blowdryer makes the art gallery scene.
· How to cook Thanksgiving dinner. (Also useful as instructions to get someone else to cook you Thanksgiving dinner.)
· For disturbed foot-lovers everywhere: fetish-discouraging close-up of Britney Spears feet from her Tonight Show appearance. [via Whatevs]

· "[W]hoever gets [New York magazine] is going to have a real opportunity to make that into one of the great magazines again, as it has been previously." — Evan Smith, editor, Texas Monthly in Mediabistro.
· "Does [NYT columnist] Paul Krugman Have a Personality Disorder?" — Alex Beam, Boston Globe.
· "I mean, there's always the case of [Miramax parent company Disney's CEO] Michael Eisner firing us [for distributing screener copies of films] but that might be a cause for celebration in all quarters. Ours included." — Harvey Weinstein, in the Daily News.

· From the "Who says American lives have no second act?" Department: Paris Hilton spotted in a black wig giving her new cell phone number to anyone with a camera and a Red Bull... Rosie O'Donnell may save the day by taking over a role in her musical, "Taboo"... and Britney gets stinking drunk out on the town (again). [NY Post]
· Apparently J.Lo's mother, Guadalupe, is the orchestrator of their break-ups and hook-ups. Guadalupe has a thing for Ben Affleck. He buys her gifts, and they gamble together. What do they say about the family that gambles together? Related: Jen and Ben's lost weekend in Atlantic City. [NY Post] [NYDN]
· Michael Jackson, his attorney, make-up artist, plastic surgeon, and others, were secretly and illegally taped on their private plane to Jackson's surrender to the media mob. The tape was offered for sale to ABC News. A producer said the tape shows attorney Mark Geragos flailing his arms, Jackson laughing, and everyone washing their hands before they have sodas. Also there was an alien abduction and some probing. [Sydney Morning Herald]
· Michael Jackson accuser may be credited on his "Invincible" album as "Baby Rubba - My other family." Bumper-stickers will be on sale shortly at MJ News. [The Scoop]
· The power of parody: "PETA acknowledges that [American Idol Clay] Aiken retains his testicles and did not seriously imply otherwise." [The Scoop]

Stalker sightings are all submitted by readers. Mail yours to tips@gawker.com