Ugh, winter. I can't believe it started snowing yesterday! This sucks!

Psych. I'm so in Miami.

After the engagement party in LA and the engagement party in New York, Gotham publisher Jason Binn is finally going to tie the knot this weekend in Miami. I've been down here with my advance team for a few days, purchasing street corners and rooftops with good photo angles, purchasing homeless people to act as wedding guest decoys, dosing cater-waiters with Rohypnol and inveigling my spies, that kind of Bonnie Fuller/James Bond stuff. Where Binns are married, I will be there.

First impressions of Miami:

It's rather like half of Eighth Avenue (the really gay, buff half) got locked in the crowded Conde Nast cafeteria and then everyone was forced to disrobe and tan. Previously in my world, a Speedo was not a lunch outfit. Also, I am apparently very very fat. I did not know this until I arrived at the Miami airport.

Okay. I have to go now and trail some Trumps to the Barney's Co-op. Good luck with that whole "freezing to death" thing.