• Channel your inner street kid and head on over to Williamsburg's Galapagos, which screens Piece by Piece, an investigation into the San Francisco graffiti scene. Afterwards, talk disparagingly of the Time graffiti billboard and how it's the death of a medium or something. [flavorpill]
• Are you bored and/or completely ignorant as to how this whole internet-thang works? We mean, really bored and completely ignorant? Then head on over to Makor for "The Revenge of Online Media," in which Elizabeth Spiers* (Mediabistro), Anthony Perry (Blogads), Bill Grueskin (WSJ Online), and Bryan Keefer (Columbia Journalism Review Daily) talk shop. They didn't base the title of this event on Revenge of the Nerds for nothing. [92Y]
• It's hot as hell outside. It was also hot as hell outside in Spike Lee's Do the Right Thing, which plays at Anthology Film Archives tonight at 7:30pm. Let's keep racial insults to a minimum, please. [AFA]

Holy shit!

• Tonight, at the Knitting Factory... Gravy Train!!!! (Note: exclamation points are part of the band's name, not indicative of our enthusiasm for their performance. Though we are indeed excited that they bring their perverted selves to Knitting Factory tonight, but we will try to maintain neutrality.) [flavorpill]
• Are you sick of Chuck Klosterman yet? No? Head to the Borders at the Time Warner Center at 7pm to hear him read from his new book, and you will be. [TONY]
• Makor's got it goin on tonight: Indian vixen Suphala plays the tabla in one room; Sundance hit The Education of Shelby Knox, about a 15 year old's campaign for sex education at her Texan high school, screens in another. [92nd Y]

Friday:
• The 7th Annual Del Close Improv Marathon, in which a multitude of improv groups perform for 58 straight hours on three separate stages at the UCB and Abingdon Theaters. [flavorpill]
• There was a Scottish indie scene long before Franz Ferdinand came bouncing into metrosexual hotness; brush up on your folklore with Teenage Fanclub at the Bowery. Wistful 30-somethings are almost guaranteed entry. [Upcoming]
Saturday:
• 24 Hours of Mass Construction, in which a series of 10-minute plays are conceived, written, rehearsed, and performed all in the course of a single day. Go on and support your cracked-out on stage brethren. [ToMD]
• Do you need some new clothes that are actually old clothes in disguise? You're in luck: the Emg. Vintage Sale comes to the Tribeca Grand Hotel today between 2 and 6pm. Chanel and Miu Miu and Dior, oh my! [Paper]
Sunday:
• Acoustic band Alarm Will Sound tackles the work of techno-elite Aphex Twin with strings, voices, woodwinds and percussion for their Unremixed performance. It's at the Lincoln Center, though, so leave the mushrooms at home. [LC]

• The Kaiser Chiefs' show at Webster Hall is sold out, but we're sure you can scalp your way indoors with the rest of the sweaty masses. Should be interesting, seeing as it's clearly too hot for any of the hipsters to wear their skin tight jeans. [Webster Hall]
• Tonight's the first night of the Rural Route Film Festival at Anthology Film Archives. Check out cinematic shorts inspired by Bonnie "Prince" Billy, Joanna Newsome, and Bright Eyes. Yes, Bright Eyes. Time to go Safran Foer hunting! [flavorpill]
• Chuck Klosterman, the only author your stoner roommate seems to know of, reads from his latest tome, Killing Yourself to Live, tonight at Rand McNally. If you're lucky, he might sign your Saved by the Bell t-shirt. [TONY]

• Gus Van Sant's Cobain-inspired Last Days, featuring the typically disheveled Michael Pitt as the typically disheveled Kurt Cobain-type, screens at MoMA tonight. The show starts at 9:00pm, giving you plenty of time to get your smacked-up, flannel shirt-wearing self over there. [flavorpill]
• Clap Your Hands Say Yeah parlay their recent Pitchfork/blogger adulation into a sold-out gig at Southpaw. Like you were gonna go to Brooklyn, anyway. [SP]
• And the event all you masochistic wannabe dot-com entrepaneurs have been waiting for: Mediabistro.com CEO Laurel Touby appears at Makor to describe how she turned a monthly gathering of alcoholic editors and writers into a legitimate business. Hint: It probably wasn't the with the feather boa. [92Y]

• This month's installment of blogger reading series What You See Is What You Get is titled "Summer Camp Stories," wherein bloggers likely spin tales of being sociopathic inverts who sniff glue during arts and crafts hour instead of making out in bunk beds and playing kickball like all the normal kids. Sure to be a hoot. 7:30pm at P.S. 122. [flavorpill]
• Entertainment Weekly recently named Augusten Burroughs the 15th Funniest Person in America, which, depending on your opinion of EW, is either a positive or a negative. Make up your mind for sure at Cooper Union's Great Hall tonight, where the former alcoholic ad exec turned writer peforms his new autobiographical show. [Upcoming]
• Elvis Costello returns to Central Park SummerStage for the third time in his career, joined by Emmylou Harris. It's 60 bucks, but what better way to pay tribute to the guy whose glasses you're probably wearing? [Summerstage]

Ever since a kamikaze shutterbug slammed his car into the Lohanmobile during a high-speed quest for some fresh pictures of the starlet's newly prominent skeleton, the paparazzi vocation has been red-hot. (That sound you hear is the sigh of a Fox executive who just realized that his studio already made a cut-rate paparazzi revenge flick last year.) On Sunday, the NY Times endeavored to better understand the "car-centered...uniquely Los Angeles art" of staking out the Ivy with a telephoto lens, which is "under siege" by reckless marauders from the Continent:

• Apparently, a few Dartmouth kids decided not to be i-bankers and consultants like 98% of their classmates and actually did something, like, creative. The end result: Critically acclaimed dance/performance collective Pilobus, performs at The Joyce Theater tonight. [flavorpill]
• To appease the brothers Weinstein on the occasion of Miramax's 25th anniversary, MoMA presents a 50-film Miramax retrospective. Tonight's offerings: poverty/drug flick City of God (6:00pm), counterculture drug flick Trainspotting (8:45pm), and numerous carafes filled with the spilled blood of recalcitrant assistants. [MoMA]
• The Daily Show's Rob Corddry, Best Week Ever's Brian Huskey, and Conan O'Brien's Seth Morris comprise improv group the Naked Babies. They attempt to make you laugh at the Abingdon Theatre tonight. [UCB]

• Fabian Basabe gets shitfaced in the Hamptons, identifies "negroes," swings like Tarzan, loses Navy Blue Prada Sweater, apologizes to no end, and hides out in Italy until this passes.
• A moment of silence, please, for the deposed Random House slave who was fired for being really, really unwise about her blogging choices.
• Harry Potter descends upon lower Manhattan like a magical case of the plague.
• Life & Style pulls a cover picture out of its ass, while Us Weekly just looks like ass.
• Moby loves dogs, but not nearly as much as he loves being a rock star.
• So maybe we're way too into media softball, but you just egg us on.
• Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson's romance continues to befuddle Americans who insist on forwarding every little email.
• Steve Nash passes the rock in Tribeca, forcing dozens of New Yorkers to Google "steve nash" in order to understand why this matters.
• New York loses a beauty editor but gains the most apparent of heirs.

• A play based on writer (and insanely rich Fresh Prince of Bel Air creator) Andy Borowitz's 1994 New Yorker Shouts and Murmurs piece "Pavlov's Brother" debuted at the Toronto Fringe Festival, where it was dubbed "serious and funny and heartbreaking and weird," which was meant as a compliment. [emdashes]
• In Williamsburg, do not run, jump, throw bottles, or make a documentary. [TOTC]
• It's not particularly fascinating news, but, still, it's tough not to be intrigued by a game show in development in which "contestants battle other players and dolphins in the water." [Felber Frolics]
• Shocker: Beauty editors and beauty publicists kind of hate each other. (We, on the other hand, love magazine publicists, of course.) [Jolie in NYC]

Friday:
• Insound, the music vendor for people who still actually buy CDs, throws a Pre-Siren Fest party with the Ponys, Chin Up Chin Up, Be Your Own PET, and Rahim. Because you know you want to hang out with sweaty dirty people in a club before you do it again at Coney Island. [flavorpill]
• Did your kid ask you to camp out to pick up the latest Harry Potter installment at midnight tonight because he just haaad to have it first thing in the morning? Were you too spineless to tell the little fucker no? At least do it drunk and on a full stomach: the kind souls at Mcnally Robinson Booksellers are offering free food and booze from 10pm-12:30am (along with Tarot card readings and a DJ set) to help pass the time. 52 Prince st, between Lafayette and Mulberry.
Saturday:
• Every Chuck Taylor-rockin indie kid channeling their inner Seth Cohen descends upon the dirtiest beach in Brooklyn for the Village Voice's Siren Fest. Spoon, Mates of State, and Q and Not U vs. triple digit temperatures and the resulting body odor. One way or another, you'll be getting high. [flavorpill]
• Prefer to watch Johnny Depp channel his inner Michael Jackson or see Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson channel every single character they've ever played? Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Wedding Crashers are now out in a desperate bid to revive Hollywood's box office performance. [Fandango]
Sunday:
• The Groovedeck at Bed NY plays host to another rooftop party, as illustriously chronicled in last week's Sunday Styles. Here's to hoping for another West Side building collapse. Oh no we didn't. [Upcoming]

Apparently wearing his Reporter costume (as opposed to his usual Blogger footie pjs) and motivated to strive towards legitimacy, Jossip has directed his journalistic gaze towards he of the Navy Blue Prada Sweater, professional raft-swinger and friend of the "negros," Fabian Basabe. Some of the long-suffering "it" boy's more illuminating quotables:

• Good Morning America honors the Today Show's 500 consecutive weeks of ratings dominance by sending their rivals 500 congratulatory balloons. Did we mention that the balloons were poisonous? [Lowdown]
• Maybe we're just a little jaded, but the Colin Farrell sex tape sounds a tad uninventive. [Page Six]
• During testimony yesterday regarding her lawsuit over a bunch of topless pics, Cameron Diaz decides her "boobs looked good." The jury is still deliberating. [NYDN]
• Zach Braff has apparently ended his barely-legal love affair with Mandy Moore; the actor has been spotted attacking the tonsils of willing young ladies all over town. [Page Six]
• Spoiler Alert: If you're actually so sad and self-loathing as to be watching Tommy Hilfiger's The Cut reality show, Rush & Molloy seem to know the "winner" of the competition, who will get to "design" a "collection" for Hilfiger's remarkably uninteresting fashion house. [R&M (2nd to last)]

We suggested yesterday that society accessory and downtown gadabout Moby is a dedicated doglover. We even had some strong photographic evidence to back us up. But a vigilant reader — who we're assuming isn't some snot-nosed NYU kid "testing" us — begs to differ:

We'd like to thank the Daily News for making the effort to plan some budget-friendly evenings for lovebirds looking for a cheap night on the town, but we're ultimately dismayed by the total lack of accuracy in their reporting. Unfortunately, not a single date idea for under $20 is realistic. Here's their budget for a romantic night at the free movies in Bryant Park:

It's not every day you receive a press release for a movie — as we just did — that isn't announcing its premiere, or unveiling a promotional tie-in, or denying stories about sexual entanglements or detox treatments among its stars. Nope, Adario Strange, the filmmaker behind The NYU Suicides, which examines the one-year period in which six NYU kids threw themselves from buildings, simply wants us to know of its existence.

If you've received an email in the past 24 hours from your friend's LA PR friend, we know: Your best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who knows that Jessica Simpson and Johnny Knoxville are about to go public with their relationship. Our best friend's sister's baby daddy's yaddayadda knows about this story too, that Knoxville is rumored to be leaving his wife and Simpson will be filing for divorce from Nick Lachey and Joe Simpson is shopping the story to the celebrity weeklies just in time for the premiere of Dukes of Hazzard. Ohmygodexhale.

Al Roker rocks a pink seersucker suit with a pink tie, and is bouncing in his chair while enjoying a cone of tasty soft serve. Katie gives him the, "You so crazy!" look.

• Serial Groper Christian Slater turns down a plea bargain regarding his alleged ass-grabbing. Ain't no prosecutor gonna get our Kuffs to back down like that. [CNN]
• Rehabariffic author James Frey wants Bloomberg to stop letting Albany fuck NYC. Right on; we'll decide who's fucking whom around here! [Gothamist]
• Is it really worth our time to make a correction regarding anything written by Times chief fabricator Alan Feurer? [TMFTML]
• Only in L.A. does a blogging make one "the most respected journalist in town." [ L.A. Independent]
• Panhandler vs. Panhandler, honesty edition. [ONY]
• You know it's bad when Victor Bockris is a defendant on People's Court. Episode aired this afternoon, was a real tearjerker. [BCM]