Click to enlarge.

• Moby delivers CD in Chelsea, plays with dogs. [Towleroad]
• Why Al Gore invented the Internet: Liveblogging Brian Lehrer on WNYC. [The Local]
• We may or may not agree that Vanessa from Six Feet Under was robbed in the Emmy nominations, but we nevertheless find this Tyne Daly pic oddly, and frighteningly, compelling. [You Can't Make It Up]
• Blogger obsessed with the Post's "Meet Market" meets a Meet Marketer. And, interestingly, the world doesn't collapse on itself. [Lectern]

The day of glory has indeed arrived: It's Bastille Day, and, though we know we shouldn't give the Post this ammunition, it's by far our favorite national holiday. (Have you ever listened to The Marseillaise? How could it not make you want to storm the nearest Bastille?)

• Catch the only New York appearance of Dinosaur Jr. at Summerstage tonight before the trio returns to the greener pastures of aging rock icon-dom. With rotating Canadian carousel Broken Social Scene, Radio 4, and the spelling-impaired Magik Markers. [Summerstage]
• Get your daily dose of superfluous, nonsensical, over-the-top environmentalism at the Solar-Powered Arts Festival's "Solar Power Film Series," which is "the first film festival in New York City to use the power of the sun and a metal parking garage to construct an outdoor 'ecotheater'...creating the city's 'greenest' motion picture showcase." Tonight's screening is "Road," about some government photographer of environmental disaster areas with relationship problems or something. Like you're even reading at this point. [flavorpill]
• The Roots play a free "secret" show at 7pm at Pier 54 tonight as part of the Fusion Flash concert series. So much for the whole secrecy thing. [FF]

Cooter, of course, has always been our arbiter of good taste.

A two-story building collapsed at the corner of Broadway and 100th Street this morning.

Sightings are sent in by readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

• Paris Hilton's fianc Paris Latsis is sketchy. Like you didn't know, and as if you needed further explanation. [Scoop]
• Page Six will be damned if it doesn't go to any length to assert its relevancy. As authorities still search Aruba for missing Natalee Holloway, the column declares prime suspect Joran Van der Sloot to be guilty of losing at poker. So, so important. [Page Six]
• Warner Music guru Edward Bronfman Jr. is honored for his work in the music industry. But, as it was a Jewish Appeal award, someone had to go and mention Warner's dismal stock price. [Lowdown]
• Nightclub Avalon shuts its doors after not quite three years of trying to live up to Limelight's glory days. [Page Six]
• Recognizing the Matrix as a disappointing franchise, Bungalow 8's finest cut in front of Keanu Reeves while he waits to tinkle. [R&M (2nd item)]

The World's Sexiest Cities competition is going hot and heavy over at our glamorous, jet-setting brother-in-law, Gridskipper. And, frankly, we're disgusted. Not with the contest, naturally, but rather with New York's total inability thus far to, um, rise to the occasion.

While yesterday saw the world go mildly breathless at the thought that Whitney Houston is rumored to replace Paula Abdul on American Idol, we're more entertained by the linguistic implications. By taking actual quotes from Paula Abdul on Idol and Whitney Houston on Being Bobby Brown, one can create a solid Paula-to-Whitney dictionary so comprehensive that it makes the OED more pointless than the DSM:

Today in completely unconfirmed hearsay that makes us all jittery with joy, news of Mariah Carey's inconvenient cooter:

• Friday night, finally, is your chance to meet some of New York's favorite anonymous bloggers, including the Bouncer and the Lawyer. We hope Chris Mohney is still invited, even now that he's nonymous. [Clublife]
• No you're froky: The equally irritating ex-girlfriend of the irritating guy from Sunday's Times Modern Love column today tells her side at The Black Table. God willing there will be no further rejoinders. [The Black Table]
• Bloomberg has a listed phone number, which he answers. (Bloomberg, Michael R.: 212-772-1081) [NYT; Switchboard]
• A U.S. congressman — a Republican, natch — thinks Tim Russert should be shot. [E&P]
• Former Worldcom chief Bernie Ebbers gets 25 years in prison in fraud. He'll get three squares a day — each one to be interrupted by a guard asking if he's happy with his current long-distance service. [NYT]
• The new CBS News website is out, and it's so revolutionarily different that it took us an extra day to process it all. [Reference Tone]

The Times announced last week that bisexuality doesn't exist. Unsurprisingly, the horndogs at Nerve beg to differ. The literate smutsters today published "The Bisexuality Issue," which includes a bisexuality poll. And by midafternoon, the results were getting Nerve founder Rufus Griscom a little bit hot and bothered. He emailed us:

• Pop-culture critic Chuck Klosterman (feel free to throw any of the following adjectives in front of "pop" to modify that otherwise benign descriptor: trite, annoying, cloying, obnoxious, tedious) participates in a taping of Air America's "Liberal Arts" show with Katherine Lanpher at the Housing Works Used Book Cafe. There's a $10 suggested donation, which you will obviously not pay. Doors open at 7:30. [Housing Works]
• Grime star and Spice Girl lookalike Lady Sovereign makes her inaugural New York City appearance at the Knitting Factory with Kanye West's DJ A-Trak and Nick Catchdubs. [flavorpill]
• Real Brits The Dead 60s open for fake Brits The Bravery at Webster Hall tonight. [Upcoming]

Where else would we turn to for a story about Hollywood's colonizing barbarians at Venice's gates but the NY Obserrver? A piece in today's Observer details tensions of artsy locals (and colorful crack smokers) as they helplessly watch their beach paradise be overrun by fleets of Mercedes carrying industry suits looking to snap up overpriced real estate and separate themselves from the differently-flavored yuppies of Brentwood:

Today's Times Metro section introduces us to the Carnival of the New Jersey Bloggers, a weekly, curated roundup of Jerseyana found on Garden State weblogs. This Carnival, argues Peter Applebome, makes perfect sense:

Far be it from silly Gawker to suggest the best possible way to start your day, but we do think that a video of a woman putting the smack down at the Chase on 57th and 6th is up there with coffee and antidepressants.


Chase: Where the Right Relationship Is... [PR. Differently.]

In a move that has us slightly jealous of anyone arrested at the right time and place, New York has agreed to pay off inmates whose strip searches went a wee bit too far:

• OMG! BRAD PITT HOSPITALIZED WITH RARE AFRICAN SEX VIRUS! Only tribal lovemaking with Angelina Jolie will save him now. [Defamer]
• Whose clothes fell off during a performance? Mariah Carey's. Whose flesh you really didn't want to see? Mariah Carey's. [ContactMusic]
• The cokeheads have asked us to point out how this headline makes cokeheads laugh. [NYT]
• Demi Moore sells out for Versace, and God forgive us for saying so, looks a lot better than Madonna when she does. [TCH]
• We love the idea of a round-robin assassination tourney in NYC. Pity it's with water guns. [Street Wars]
• Those Real World/Road Rules challenge shows don't just kill brain cells. They kill sea turtles, too. [B&C]

• "From the billboards of Times Square to the graffiti murals of Queens" to, we presume, the oceans white with foam, Monday's the start of Type Week in New York. We're counting the minutes, and we think a dramatic reading of Bloomberg's proclamation announcing the week might be just the way to pass the time. [fawny.blog]
• The Observer's Politicker breaks the news that Howard Dean, before becoming DNC chair, considered running for mayor of our fair city. He probably should have done it: The last angry, screaming crazy man to have the job is now a multimillionaire national hero. [The Politicker]
• Misty oil-painted memories of the way things could have been: Libeskind's vision comes true, if only in a painting in a bar. [Curbed]
• Egotistical, "highly esteemed intellectual and literary critic" lives in Park Slope, seeks assistant, uses Craiglist. (Just how egotistical? "Pays very little, but may prove to be the adventure of your life.") We're shocked. [Only the Blog Knows Brooklyn]