• Fabian Basabe gets shitfaced in the Hamptons, identifies "negroes," swings like Tarzan, loses Navy Blue Prada Sweater, apologizes to no end, and hides out in Italy until this passes.
• A moment of silence, please, for the deposed Random House slave who was fired for being really, really unwise about her blogging choices.
• Harry Potter descends upon lower Manhattan like a magical case of the plague.
• Life & Style pulls a cover picture out of its ass, while Us Weekly just looks like ass.
• Moby loves dogs, but not nearly as much as he loves being a rock star.
• So maybe we're way too into media softball, but you just egg us on.
• Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson's romance continues to befuddle Americans who insist on forwarding every little email.
• Steve Nash passes the rock in Tribeca, forcing dozens of New Yorkers to Google "steve nash" in order to understand why this matters.
• New York loses a beauty editor but gains the most apparent of heirs.