Leave it to Slate to make even hot girl-on-girl action totally un-hot. We were enjoying Ariel Levy's 'CultureBox' (tee hee) essay on every straight woman's favorite gay soap opera, The L Word. We were bopping along, getting into it—having a gay old time, as it were:

Today's mandatory 'Gates' post is a photo from National Geographic that shows the work from outer space.

· Coming soon to your cell phone: Scott Turow? [NYT]

Man, The Times had us cracking up today. Well, on the inside. Very quietly.

A reader reports of more mysterious innuendo from the treasure trove of Cond Nast crappers:

Good old Greg Gutfeld seems to be having a blast over there in Blighty editing the UK edition of Maxim. He's also spreading the fun around to terminally ill lads.

What's worse: having your face (and pulkes!) in the Post next to the headline CASINO GALS' FAT CHANCE, or The Times reporting that you've "grown too beefy," and that you're a little "heavy around the midsection"?

Freudian slip, we're sure.
Inside Vogue

Edmund Hillary, maybe.

· Spoler Alert! "[Michael Jackson's penis] looks like a barber's pole. The first kid and all the other kids who have seen his penis know that there are brown circles around it." Now that we've got that out there, we can all come forward and testify. [Page Six]
· Meanwhile, did Jackson himself leak (heh) grand jury testimony to the The Smoking Gun? [R&M]
· Is US Weekly becoming the new Star? Both Britney Spears and Brad Pitt are publicly expressing their discontent with the Min-ions'© unrestrained coverage as of late. [E!]
· First the boys behind Proenza Schouler break up, and now Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana are ending their romance. At this rate, Mark Badgley and James Mischka are going to be drinking Bud Light in no time. [Page Six]
· Grammy-winning rapper Kanye West seems to think he should be paid to be on magazine covers; magazine editors everywhere have a good laugh. [Lowdown]

Having created neither offspring nor multimillion dollar brands, we might not be the final authority on Kandoo, Procter & Gamble's new line of "personal care products that empower children to master the bathroom all on their own."

The culture wars have finally resulted in some good: in a fit of bad judgment, our normally conservative friends at Topic magazine have made the remarkably offensive decision to run some "art" photography on their cover. How many times do we have to reiterate that naked people, no matter what, do NOT count as art? The shame of it all... But, because He works in mysterious ways, Topic's distributor has caught on to this transgression:

· The Post gets "edgy" and "alternative" for its latest acknowledgment of gay culture, in which a female reporter puts on her lesbian costume and fails to get any action. [NYP]
· Finally, a Home & Garden article every New Yorker can relate to: decorating extra-large spaces. [NYT]
· Vogue Italia does a fashion spread on Hollywood "style," and we're rather certain it's the only time you'll see Meisel imitating Star. [FashionSpot via]
· NYC has filed an application to trademark the phrase, "The World's Second Home" as its new motto. The rationale is presumably that "Big Apples" still count as carbs, and carbs are evil. [AP]
· Breaking: models, fashionistas like to read about themselves! [Business 2.0]
· Scissor Sisters' bassist Babydaddy on being the Celebrity Bear of the Week: "I show MY bear pride through paw-print fashion and a lack of proper hygiene." [Thought Not]

Buried deep inside an article in today's Times on the struggles of PBS in a cable-saturated market (with scaled-back corporate underwriting and diminished government support) is an odd little note about one of our favorite bow tie-loving subjects: Tucker Carlson.

Because ruining Marcia Cross' life simply isn't enough, the adorably bitchy gays over at DataLounge have found themselves a new hobby in outing Lloyd Grove's trusty henchman, Hudson Morgan. Their gaydars lead to intense speculation:

Maureen Dowd has an interesting suggestion for how the Bush administration can avoid another James Duckert situation:

Earlier, we revealed the raw pain of being denied an interview with sisters Hilary and Haylie Duff, who are in town to promote their new tag-team advertising debut. We also noted that the press release contained no information as to what exactly had the girls in shill-mode, but we're happy to announce that the girls are promoting their deal with Ice Breakers Liquid Ice. Awesome! But what the fuck is Ice Breakers Liquid Ice? Why, it's a (totally disgusting) "intense breath freshening liquid mint." Awesome again!

Looks like Carlee and Steve Dunleavy aren't the only noble beasts breeding in the pages of today's Post. Todd Venezia reports on Hercules, a 900 lb. liger: a tiger/lion.

Today's mandatory 'Gates' link is to a 1992 segment from "Work In Progress," by radio genius Joe Frank.

This week, The New York Press runs a letter from Larry Penner about the Brooklyn Nets stadium: