Salon takes on the aesthetic faults of Lizzie Grubman's MTV series, PoweR Girls:

· A glorious rundown of Kimora Lee Simmons' misdeeds on the set of the now-defunct Life and Style: she called her co-hosts "bitches and hos," stole props from the set, and licked entire boxes of donuts so that no one else would steal her munchies. [Page Six]
· Rapper Missy Elliot and Top Model winner Eva Pigford are not mutually chowing box, according to a rep. But if they were, Missy would clearly be in charge. [Gatecrasher (2nd item)]
· Lindsay Lohan reportedly spreads herself all over Manhattan, hooking up with exes Clarence Fuller and Wilmer Valderrama. Thank God she's recovered from that sprained ankle! [ELK]
· But will she ever recover from her dad? Michael Lohan is vowing to not fuck up for, like, five minutes — or at least long enough to watch the Lohan Family Saga on tonight's O'Brien-free episode of The Insider. [NYDN]
· After insulting Kirstie Alley on her blog, Rosie O'Donnell picks up the phone to make an apology. And suddenly, Hollywood begins to resemble the Lower East Side. [Scoop]

Just in case you needed a little reminder.

Few and far between are the times when someone of note actually returns my calls (remember, Gawker is evil, and not to be cooperated with!), so you can only imagine how my bowels froze when, upon answering my phone yesterday evening, I heard, Jessica, this is Vincent Gallo.

Good to see the old Pope's still okay, despite a full week of Jeff Koyen guest editing Gridskipper. That Pope, man: He's unsinkable!

The Defamer Special Movie Premiere Food Critic strikes again, this time reporting on MGM's surprisingly effective fusion of "urban" and more mainstream premiere party fare at last night's Beauty Shop opening. We must admit that we're a little disappointed that the Lion managed to pull off this delicate balancing act, as we were hoping for a withering account of the studio's patronizing interpretation of soul food. Alas, it was not to be. Read on:

Friday
· Take a gander at America s funkiest home videos when curators Geoff Haas, Joe Pickett, and Nick Prueher bring their Found Footage Festival to Galapagos. Thankfully, this will be a Tom Bergeron-free evening. [flavorpill]
· We predict a riot — or a least a mob of drunken British hooligans — as the Kaiser Chiefs rock out at the Bowery Ballroom tonight. Premier League attire suggested. [BB]
· If you ever watched an episode of public access fave This or That! and thought to yourself, Man, I wish I could see this show in-person, then you re a pervert and require a long, cold shower. The self-proclaimed America s favorite burlesque gameshow (though we don t doubt it) goes live tonight at the Belt Theater. [ToT]
Saturday
· Behold Paul Scheer s awe-inspiring, gap-toothed grin at the UCB tonight when his comedy troupe, Respecto Montalban, perform their latest show, "Good vs. Elvis." Personally, we re pulling for Elvis, but that s just because Evil isn t on the card.
UCB [UCB]
· Sundance fave "Murderball" gets a preview screening tonight at Alice Tully Hall as part of the New Directors/New Films series. If you can think of a better film about quadriplegic rugby players, we d love to hear about it. [ATH]
Sunday
· In the pantheon of rock & roll siblings, the brothers Robinson rank somewhere between the brothers Gallagher and the brothers Nelson. Watch the boys dust off their guitars and catch yet another Black Crowes reunion show at the Hammerstein. Be sure to watch mom-in-law Goldie dance like she's 40 again. [BC]

Courtesy of your friendly NYC conspiracy theorists:

Special thanks to our lovely advertisers, whose support keeps us outfitted in the finest sailor suits. Interested? More info here.

The Brooklyn aficionados at Brownstoner reports an interesting bit of real estate trickery across East River. It seems that the listing price of a Crown Heights limestone has had an extreme makeover:

So, according to Broadcasting & Cable, Cybill Shepherd's gonna reprise her role as Martha Stewart for another CBS biopic:

· Upon learning that she would be pressed with hit-and-run charges, Paula Abdul throws a shitfit in Kuala Lumpur, complete with face-scratching and object-throwing. [Page Six]
· Abnegated Jew Ralph Lauren reportedly lays off the better part of his denim design team for drinking in the office on St. Patrick's Day. Other employees escape his ire, continue to secretly drink in the office every other day. [Gatecrasher]
· Now that Denise Richards has told US Weekly that she separated from husband Charlie Sheen because of his drug and gambling problems, they're probably not getting back together. [Page Six]
· Don Imus' ranch for sick children is getting the once-over from the IRS. Which is better than the once-over from Santa Barbara prosecutors, right? [NYDN]

From MTV News' report on Weezer's "Beverly Hills" video shoot at the Playboy Mansion:

Pssst. Hey, can you keep a secret? Shhhhhh... You gotta keep this under your hat, okay? You didn't hear it from us, but the new issue of Rolling Stone reports on a totally cool, totally exclusive club: The children of rock stars. This is like a thousand times more exclusive than Soho House and fifty-bazillion-trillion times more secretive than Skull & Bones.

This week's episode of MTV's Carnivale de la Grubman, PoweR Girls, was, like, especially special: PR slave Rachel has to deal with a burning sensation. Does it hurt her down there? And how will this "illness" affect the girls' mission to resurrect the career of Ja Rule? Only special correspondent David Klein knows. Read on for his weekly analysis of the best in tans and cans.

So, tonight's the night NBC airs the American version of The Office.

Beware, residents of Pittsburgh. It seems that an actor-type has chewed off the ankle bracelet that keeps horny, semi-famous lifeforms close to LA and escaped to your city for some work. As usual, the method of his seduction is that last refuge of the boner-riddled insomniac, a Craigslist ad:

From Craig's List:

Sightings are sent in by readers and fact-checked by, well, no one. Send yours to tips@gawker.com.

· Queens of the Stone Age hold court at Webster Hall in support of the recently released Lullabies To Paralyze. Word to the wise: don't scream, More cowbell! during Little Sister. [BB]
· Last time The Bravery came to town, a determined hater plastered the streets of Brooklyn with posters likening the band to Milk: prepackaged, homogenized, and watered-down. We don't know about that, but we do know milk has quite a following. See for yourself when the New York natives hit Rothko tonight for the first of three homecoming shows. [Rothko]
· All comedians have a dark side. Paula Poundstone s alcoholism. Bob Saget's career. Chris Rock s ass. (Oh yes we did.) And then there s McSweeney s poltical satirst Kevin Guilfoile, who won t be bringing the yucks tonight when he reads from his murder mystery novel, Cast of Shadows, at the Chelsea Barnes & Noble. [flavorpill]