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This week's episode of MTV's Carnivale de la Grubman, PoweR Girls, was, like, especially special: PR slave Rachel has to deal with a burning sensation. Does it hurt her down there? And how will this "illness" affect the girls' mission to resurrect the career of Ja Rule? Only special correspondent David Klein knows. Read on for his weekly analysis of the best in tans and cans.

I ll admit, this week s episode of PoweR Girls wasn t half bad, at least compared to Life on a Stick. Heck, I ll take Lizzie over corn dogs any day. Greasy foods tend to give me gas. Speaking of which, the episode kicks off with Rachel complaining how tabloid coverage of client Ruby Falls is fading like a fart in the wind. What did Rachel expect? Page Six had more important things to talk about last summer, like whether Fabian Basabe prefers Cocoa Puffs or Count Chocula. The answer, of course, is Count Chocula, but you already knew that.

Crisis in hand, the girls hit Miami to assist rappers Ja Rule and Won-G (not to be confused with Warren G or B.D. Wong) at the MTV Video Music Awards. Don t you just love watching reality shows get all incestuous, particularly when the Donald does the kissy-face thang on The Apprentice with model-daughter Melania? Yum.
The girls must undertake the daunting task of bringing Ja Rule headlines that don t involve him getting verbally bitch-slapped by 50 Cent. If you re asked about Ja Rule, talk about how his album is going to be number one, Lizzie instructs her precious Grubers. The album, by the way, entered the charts at number seven, which coincidently happens to be the amount of people who have actually heard of Won-G.

Back in the N-Y-C, Rachel learns that Ruby Falls no longer wants her to not get them press, causing the bespectacled brunette to throw a fit. Liz-G tries to sooth her minion, anointing Rachel Little Lizzie and subsequently spraying her with Fantasy Tan. Meanwhile, Ali and Millie do their best Julie Newmar and Eartha Kitt imitations, getting all catty with lines like, Rachel can t take of herself like normal, competent people. Me-ow!

Things only get worse for poor Rachel when she tries to promote some crappy pre-teen pop band whose disturbingly sexualized stage presence was eerily reminiscent of a slumber party at Roman Polanski s house. Rachel explains, I think people don t think they re as good they are, a sentiment shared by my mother when I tried out for American Idol.

Realizing that life is looking grimmer than a Pat O Brien career resurrection, Rachel is rushed to a doctor after she complains about a severe burning sensation. I feel your pain, Rachel nearly every time I pee. En route to the hospital, Tomas the Driver tells a flustered Lizzie, Shut up, will you! Tomas, I feel you re pain too. While Rachel s ailment remains unspecified (though from my experience, it probably has something to do with Cancun Spring Break 2001), the others collectively diagnose, she needs to eat something. Agreed. Just stay away from the corn dogs.

So to recap, Ruby Falls can t get any gossip love, Ja Rule s career isn t looking much better then that of a certain mustachioed Insider, I still have no idea who Won-G is, and soon-to-be sexually-exploited female pop star wannabes are being plucked from our nation s elementary schools as I type. Hooray for PR!