In case you haven't been keeping up, Nerve's been running a series called "Sex Advice From...," in which they plunder the below-the-belt knowledge of workers in various jobs. (It's sort of like Studs Terkel's Working with two backs.)

It's a slow week, apparently, so WWD's Eye column has taken to covering the socialite toddler scene. And what sort of benefits does one reap from spilling from a wealthy womb?

Everyone's a critic.

Today's Daily News reports on the latest trend sweeping Manhattan, in which young women spend a lot of money in order to look like bedraggled shit:

Our sun-kissed brother sat down for an IMtimate IMterview with the IMimitable David Cross the day after FOX's Gail Berman stepped-down. Predictably, they focus a lot on poopy, but they manage to mine some comic gold from the headlines. Well, the headlines from a few months ago before America became obsessed with pumped-up baseball players and the president's fixation on a persistent vegetative state (hey, at least one Bush likes vegetables):

· Don't you worry about Whitney Houston, she's in a safe place now: rehab. Oh come on, like you're even raising an eyebrow. [Gatecrasher]
· Martha Stewart is reportedly undergoing hypnosis; ever since her release from prison, she's had nightmares about violent box-chowing and unclean linens. [Scoop]
· At this point, William Morris Agency prez Dave Wirtschafter is wishing the New Yorker never existed. And if he says otherwise, he's lying. That's what agents do, y'know. [Page Six]
· Roger Freidman goes to the theater, MJ's former assistant turns to a life of crime. Coincidence? [Fox411]
· A moment of silence for all the pretty fashion girls: after Helmut Lang's departure from the Prada group, the label's Manhattan offices have finally closed. The fate of the Soho store remains shaky. [Page Six]

'Tis a glorious day for all of Manhattan! We're hearing that director Vincent Gallo, he of the piercing blue eyes and Sevigny-approved genitalia, has finally vacated the island, unloading his rent-controlled nest downtown in favor of the left coast. Could it be true? If so, good luck, brave Los Angeles — your city is about to grow more noxious and your aspiring starlets, more defiled.

Regarding the near-constant subway delays:

Earlier this afternoon, David Cross, troublemaking comedian and star of imperiled, perpetually-in-limbo Fox sitcom Arrested Development, was kind enough to participate in an IMterview with us. We'd like to imagine that Cross was curled up on a velvet sofa with his PowerBook, a hot cup of cocoa, and the Daisy Dukes he's made famous on AD as we discussed the implications of Gail Berman's exit from Fox, people and things that his AD castmates may or may not be having sex with, and other hotbutton topics of current interest.

The Deadwood promos on the subway are giving rose-distribution a run for its money.

We here at Gawker love reader submissions: there's nothing more fun than opening the virtual mailbag and finding all sorts of crazy, fantastic ideas and links that we might've missed.

The world has cinched its metaphorical feeding tube while waiting for some of Hollywood's biggest sitcom stars to weigh in on the Terri Schiavo debate. Finally, Everybody Loves Raymond star Patricia Heaton has broken her silence on the issue, as she's issued a statement on the Feminists For Life website:

Sure, Insider host Pat O'Brien was brought low by some damn dirty voice mails, but that doesn't mean the guy is gonna swear off technology altogether.

· Hipster High s unofficial pep squad, The Go! Team, round out a three-night NYC stand with a set at the Canal Room. Motherfuckers Dave. P and Justine D. host the rah-rah-sis-boom-bah festivities. [Canal Room]
· Henry Rollins is doing his latest spoken word shtick, Caught in the Zipper, at, strangely enough, the Zipper Theatre. Apparently it s the funniest offering from a punk rocker since Sid Vicious teamed with Carol Channing for the largely forgotten 70s variety show Hello Dolly, You Stupid Twat. [Rollins]
· Multimedia artist Nicole Awai discusses her latest work at MOMA s bastard cousin, the Whitney. Remember, just because Awai paints with nail polish doesn t make your Lee Press-Ons some sort of profound artistic statement. [flavorpill]

Q: What do you get when you cross the public school system with an African-American man trying to get his teacher's certification and an overweight white man with Asperger's syndrome?

· Anna Wintour takes her hell-parade to Los Angeles, where she demands that her party for Mario Testino be moved to the Argyle hotel's unfinished ballroom. The party's previous locale, the Argyle's Tower Bar, had already been defiled by human contact — and that simply won't do. [Page Six]
· A blind item so obvious, we won't even make a guessing game of it: "Which sexy starlet in an upcoming release put on her diva boots while filming down South? She developed a nasty habit of throwing objects at assistants, and whined that she was 'only doing this movie' because a pushy parent forced her." [Gatecrasher (2nd to last)]
· Kit Culkin (that's right, Macauley Culkin's dad) comes to MJ's defense. Good to see all is forgiven after that Black or White video. [Fox411]
· Nicole Kidman: bringing Libyan leader Colonel Muammar Gaddafi's dollars to the Australian film industry. [Scoop (2nd item)]
· Oh, did we not make you sick with this morning's first Pat O'Brien update? How about this: Reportedly, there's a photograph of O'Brien touching his wee wee that just might go up for sale. [Page Six]

While P. Diddy continues to dodge questions about whether or not he was in cahoots with American Idol dropout Mario Vazquez, he's asking that we all focus on his "next era." And, as you might've guessed, this era has nothing to do with divisions of geologic time. Why, it's all about his new production deal with MTV:

If we have to start our day by choking on our own vomit, then so do you:

· Karl Lagerfeld takes to the streets! If you ask nicely, he'll still tell you you're fat. [Verbose Coma]
· It's time for some Olsen-approved shag carpeting. These girls would slap their name on your fucking toenail, if they could. [Georgia Mills]
· Fox orders a third season of The O.C.; teenage girls, gay men, and Observer staffers rejoice. [Mediaweek]
· David Amsden finally writes about an adult! [Men.Style.Com]
· If you're easily delighted like a small child, check out the elephant walk. No, that's not a euphemism. PETA-esque protesting almost guaranteed. [Gothamist]

Today's LAT's piece on the challenges facing performing chimps confirms a theory that we'd long held: Celebrities and monkeys aren't really all that different after all. Consider the parallels: Chimps of a mature age have a hard time finding work, their jobs are increasingly threatened by improvements in computer graphics, and once in a while, they go nuts and kill people. (Though, we must admit, with a far lower success rate for escaping punishment, but much of that difference can be written off to a star's superior ability to obtain good legal counsel.) Look for the E! network to suddenly switch to an all-chimp format in the next month or so, with a vast increase in quality of programming. And if they can figure out a way to bleach one safely, that guy on the Michael Jackson trial reenactment show could be out of a job as early as tomorrow.