Not even testifying in a child molestation trial is enough to flip Jay Leno's "off" switch, as the gloriously bechinned talk show host cracked wise as a defense witness for Michael Jackson:

Earlier, we speculated about Michael Jackson's defense team's new two-pronged, "madness or monkey-molester" acquittal strategy. Have their canny tactics forced the prosecution to step up their game by running banner ads on E!'s website designed to entrap Jackson with an irresistible, eight-hour "pajama party" with two of his former child actor playmates? The legal chess match continues.

The Michael Jackson defense team's strategy is finally coming into focus. They're either going to make sure the jury believes that he is completely, scrawling-the-lyrics-to-"Wanna Be Startin' Something" on-the-walls-of-Neverland Ranch-with-his-own-feces insane, or, failing that (it's looking good, though), establishing that any of the higher primates around the house were capable of molesting prepubescent boys. Hey, if they can grip a feather duster and flush a toilet...

Earlier, when we marveled at the the provocative poses struck by Michael Jackson in an old Colorfoms set and labeled the ones that seemed particularly egregious in light of his child molestation trial, we neglected to mention that we were working only from the sheet of Colorforms themselves, not the version with the card you see above. We did not intentionally ignore the highly charged phrase "Rub 'em here! Rub 'em there! Rub 'em EVERYWHERE! Ages 3 & Up." Thank you for your understanding in this matter, and to apologize for the confusion, we've added a big, white arrow to ensure that future readers are not victims of this oversight.

In the light of the the ongoing molestation trial, how many once-innocent things now seem incredibly inappropriate in this set of Michael Jackson Rub N' Play Colorforms? (Click on the image to see a larger version.) Our answers are after the jump.

When you're scanning news feeds for stories and come across a headline like "Michael Jackson Had Oral Sex with Boy, Guard Says," the savvy media consumer tells himself, "Oh, here they go sensationalizing the child molestation trial of that millionaire pop-star with the bleached, plastic face and the Fortress of Solitude full of chimps and llamas again!" And as the savvy media consumers that we fancy ourselves to be, we read on:

Cut us some slack, OK? It's Good Friday, which if we remember properly from our 16 years of Catholic schooling, demands at least one cheap pedophilia joke. Besides, the original logo isn't much better.

Who says we have to choose? Can't Michael Jackson be the kind of creepy clown that gives kids wine, calls it "Jesus Juice," then shows them some porn as a warm-up to an inappropriate sleepover in his bed? Leno, on the other hand, can be the kind of creepy clown who devotes his monologue to "such topics as electrocution and prison rape" and jests "about the possibility of Jackson attempting suicide." First, cultural critics and pointy-headed types like Elaine Showalter should stay off our turf. Secondly, when did Leno's monologue get funny? Eh, we're not going to lose any sleep over it. We're sure his prison rape and suicide jokes are hacky anyway.

· We knew in our heart of hearts that if someone looked hard enough, they could find a Bible passage foretelling this Michael Jackson situation.
· Model falls down and goes boom, other models and hosts stand around and shriek. Go ahead and watch, you ghouls.
· Look at my striped shirt!
· Tara Reid finally takes her publicist out in public. This explains so much.
· A brilliantly back-handed compliment from "that other late night host" Craig Ferguson: "Jay will sell a joke that he knows is crap better than anyone I've ever seen."
· Do you think that Clay Aiken is thinking about Mario Vazquez? [right side of page, in the middle]
· You hate to say a dude looks like a celebrity baby kidnapper, but...

Simpsons creator Sam Simon was on Howard Stern this morning, sharing some very special memories of Michael Jackson's celebrated appearance on the show, a lovable turn as an animated mental patient with a shaved head.

Britney Spears just wants MJ to be happy, OK y'all? This whole child molestation trial thingy has probably got him kinda depressed, like when Details pussied up Britney's man and put him on the cover in some, like, clean clothes. Spears has just the thing to turn that surgically-installed frown upside down!

Before you start wondering how Michael Jackson snuck a gun into the courtroom in his pajamas (come on, there's hardly room for a gun and the boys choir in there!) and instigated a bloody, Tarantino-style standoff, please, don't fret—Jackson and the jury have the day off while their lawyers argue about lawyer stuff. In the absence of fresh Jacko news, Drudge is hyperventillating about something else entirely.

In case you were worried that Michael Jackson was going to have his $3 million bail revoked and get tossed in the clink, he finally showed up to court minutes after his arrest grace-period expired (with an appropriately dramatic, hobbling entrance), and the trial resumed. Pictured: An umbrella protects a pajama-clad Jackson from the sun's harsh rays, which would have cooked the infirm, Crisco-basted pop-star like a turkey.

Sounds pretty sensational, doesn't it? But this is exactly why you have to click through to the actual story, not just read Drudge's headline, stare at his hypnotic siren, and succumb to the impulse to leap from your desk chair while making WOO WOO WOO noises.

In a playful attempt to circumvent the gag order that may prevent potential witness Jay Leno from making jokes about the Michael Jackson child molestation trial, Leno has been interrupting his monologue to hand off his trademark softball material to a series of similarly unfunny (but legally unhampered) peers, like Brad Garrett and Dennis Miller. According to NBC, however, Leno's hilarious workaround is totally unnecessary:

After the sister of the accuser in Michael Jackson's child molestation trial took the stand and revealed Jackson's extravagant gifts and the sharing of Diet Coke cans that may or may not have contained Jesus Juice, it was time for "John Doe's" brother to give his testimony on Monday. Things quickly got creepy:

In her testimony at the Michael Jackson Child Molestation Trial of the Century, the sister of Jackson's accuser gave this account of a private flight that her family took with Jackson:

As we all know by now, five-year lame duck Tonight Show host Jay Leno is among the all-star roster subpoened to be witnesses in the Michael Jackson child molestation trial. Realizing that the gag order imposed on people involved in the trial might impair Leno's ability to harmlessly jab at the legal circus in his monologue, his lawyers are asking for a clarification about what Leno can and cannot say; it appears that his first-hand knowledge from participating the trial will be off limits. For example:

The NYT profiles Edward Moss, the faux Jacko who'll star in E!'s dramatic reenactments of the Michael Jackson child molestation trial. And lest you think that things are a non-stop party for the world's preeminent MJ impersonator, the "life" can wear on a guy:

From the "more information about Michael Jackson's penis than we can be reasonably expected to handle without a therapist present" file: