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When you're scanning news feeds for stories and come across a headline like "Michael Jackson Had Oral Sex with Boy, Guard Says," the savvy media consumer tells himself, "Oh, here they go sensationalizing the child molestation trial of that millionaire pop-star with the bleached, plastic face and the Fortress of Solitude full of chimps and llamas again!" And as the savvy media consumers that we fancy ourselves to be, we read on:

Chacon told the jury he heard Jackson and the boy, who was 9 or 10 years old, in the shower late one night in 1993 and later saw Jackson caressing the boy's hair, kissing him on the face and sucking his nipples. "He put the little boy's penis in his mouth," Chacon said.

Whatever! Call us when the hysterical, congenitally hyperbolic media starts directly quoting the testimony of former employees who describe their firsthand knowledge of graphic sexual acts between Jackson and a minor, and we'll talk. "Sucking his nipples" and "putting a little boy's penis in his mouth"? When you take those out of the context of sworn testimony by printing them in a wire service report like that, hell, that guard could've been referring to a heated, completely innocent game of Chutes and Ladders during a lull in telling ghost stories at a platonic sleepover. Way to try and bias us against the guy who sung "Billie Jean," Big Media Outlet Who's Obviously Been Bought Off By Jackson's Record Label!