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• Everything we've ever said about Anna Wintour? Well, we don't take it back — she's still a scary snowlady. But she also took Meryl Streep up on her invite and showed up to a VIP screening of The Devil Wears Prada and managed not to strangle Lauren Weisberger while there. May every woman have such grace and inner strength. [R&M]
• If you want the cover of Vanity Fair, you can't just be hot or an A-lister. You have to rat on something or someone — Nicole Richie lost the cover because she wouldn't discuss much regarding Paris; Vince Vaughn got bumped because he refused to talk about Jennifer Aniston; Britney Spears lost her shot because she wouldn't talk about her marriage. But Anderson Cooper scores the glossy crown because he lets them reprint shit he wrote in his book? [Page Six]
• Unless she pops sometime soon, Angelina Jolie will have labor induced sometime in the first week of June. Start planning your Mr. & Mrs. Smith celebratory viewing party now! [IMDb]
• Incarcerated publicity whore Jason Itzler calls Lloyd Grove, asks to be in the Daily News. Lloyd obliges, revealing that he's nothing more than a gossip with a heart of gold and weakness for pimps. [Lowdown]
• Britney Spears copes with K-Fed by writing poetry. Painful, gut-wrenching, confusing poetry. [Page Six]

In wake of Tuesday's speculation from WWD's Jeff "Big Man" Bercovici that Lowdown Lloyd Grove could be headed crosstown, to the archrival Post, once his Daily News contract expires in September, it seems worth calling some attention to the above photo, of Lloyd and theoretical nemesis Richard Johnson looking rather pally at Vanity Fair's Tribeca Film Festival party, held the night after the Women's Wear item appeared.

Interesting news today from Lloyd Grove. (Huh. That felt weird.) The Lloydster reports that Time's top editor, jolly Jim Kelly, will soon be leaving his post, perhaps as early as June. There's a non-denial from a Time Inc. flack ("Jim Kelly is very much in charge of charting the current and future course of Time magazine") and a non-denial from Jim, too ("I get job offers all the time, and if I'm offered a late-night TV hosting gig, I'm taking it"), and the combination of the two sort of seals it for us. Best we can tell, there aren't any late-night slots open right now, but we're confident Jim will land on his feet somewhere — maybe the vacant Time Inc. editorial director spot? maybe a cushy editor-at-large gig? But never mind his future. The more important question is ours. Will the new managing editor be as solicitous as Jim of the media press? One really hopes so. Bercovici needs his Scotch.

Women's Wear Daily's resident goliath Jeff Bercovici reports that with Grove's contract up in September, many are speculating that Grove may jump to the Post's Page Six. Considering Martin Dunn called Grove a "fucking idiot" in a letter to People managing editor Larry Hackett back in October, one could see how Grove might want to cross over to enemy lines.

• Bruce Willis settles conflict between U.S. and Colombia, tells our troops to stand down. [R&M]
• Peggy Siegal gets whisked about the country via private jet while Liz Smith must suffer the indignities of airport security. Truly, there is no justice in this world.[Liz Smith]
• If you want to read an item that features both "Sting" and "fantasy sex parties," go ahead. We won't judge you. Although we're pretty sure God will.. [Page Six]
• Britney Spears is probably not pregnant, based on the logic that she was seen drinking a Cosmo. And we all know how responsible a mom she is. [R&M (2nd item)]
• Is Howard Stern's hair real? Is your life so empty that this is actually a question that concerns you? If you're Lloyd Grove, the answers are no and yes, respectively. [Lowdown]

"This is the blogosphere. I report to you from a world wobbling on its axis. Fighting broke out just one short day ago, when Oscar-winning actor (and damned fine looking man) George Clooney went to war against Greece (in the person of Arianna Huffington). While casualties were initially expected to be few, the conflict has entered a dangerous phase: Threats on both sides have resulted in a resumption of hostilities, and no one quite knows where it will end. While Huffington has made noises about negotiations, it's clear that, for the other side at least, the gloves have come off, and now the whole world watches anxiously to see if things can resolve themselves peacefully. All this reporter can do is wait and hope. From The Blogosphere, where the bombs are falling, I'm Lloyd Grove. Good night, and good luck."

• The latest stanza in the ballad of Tomkat: Holmes and Cruise may have already been married by the Church of Scientology while at sea. Honestly, do we fucking care if or when or how they were married? We just want to see Katie take off that fake belly! It's been huge since her 9th week! [R&M]
• Are we the only ones that didn't know the "Larry" half of the Wachowskis — the duo behind the Matrix trilogy and V Is for Vendetta was transgendered? God, Hollywood is confusing. [Page Six]
• Lloyd Grove stuffs a pillow over Keith Olbermann's face after the cable news host derides Grove's poor fluffer, Katherine Thomson. [Lowdown]
• Supermodel Adriana Lima says she's a virgin until she's married. We're still waiting for scientific proof that you can date Lenny Kravitz and Derek Jeter and not have sex with them. [Page Six]
• Madonna maintains youth cred by making obscene gestures in her since-edited music video for Sorry. Alas, flashing all the victory meat in the world can hide disco crow's feet. [Scoop]

Back in September, as you may or may not recall, the Observer reported that Lowdown Lloyd Grove's Daily News contract was for two years, not the previously reported three, that it was set to expire that month, and that the paper likely wouldn't keeping him around. The two-year anniversary came and went, and Lloyd remained at the News.

• Best actor loser Joaquin Phoenix is looking for a loft in Tribeca. Considering the dude's two twitches short of a breakdown, we think this could be a lot of fun. [Page Six]
• New York Oscar parties kind of suck when all the good people are actually at the Oscars instead. [Gatecrasher]
• Inspired, no doubt, by the butt-clenching success of Jake Gyllenhaal and Heat Ledger, Brad Pitt considers going Gay for an upcoming role. [R&M (2nd item)]
• Upon learning that the gift bags at a luncheon contain a $1000 diamond bracelet, Jersey girl Tara Reid swipes as many as she can. Life after Taradise ain't easy. [Page Six]
• Warren Beatty grills Lloyd Grove about his lovelife. [Lowdown]
• Jessica Simpson thinks the whole world is out to get her. Paranoia is so sexy, no? [Scoop]

Daily News gossipista Lloyd Grove had the most delightful column yesterday, in which he detailed a reading last week for Mike Albo and Virginia Heffernan's book, The Underminer: Or, the Best Friend Who Casually Destroys Your Life. Featured readers were to tell stories of their own personal underminers; writer/actress Nancy Balbirer talked of a former roommate named "Jane," a fellow then-struggling actress who advised Balbirer to be more "fuckable," stuff chicken cutlets in her bra, and appear "less desperate."

• "I do it because I have a small penis."
— The Daily News's Lowdown Lloyd Grove, in the new Details

• While you were limping up and down Broadway and losing digits to hypothermia, rest assured union leader Roger Toussaint was enjoying a leisurely two-hour meal with six cronies at a nice restaurant. Would you be any less livid if we noted the restaurant was in Harlem? Yeah, didn't think so. [Page Six]
• Last year, Lloyd Grove banished Paris Hilton from his column and went on the Today show to tell the world. This year, he's banishing Brad Pitt, but you won't see Lloyd on TV to talk about it — perhaps because he is making a very, very grave mistake. Put down the pipe, G, and get it together. [Lowdown]
• Don't get in a tizzy about OK! editor Sarah Ivens sucking face with ad exec Ben Kennedy — she's been separated from her husband since October. Suck freely, liberated lady! [Gatecrasher]
• Broke-ass Courtney Love is looking to sell the entire song catalogue of her late husband Kurt Cobain and Nirvana. Those of you still mentally stuck in Seattle circa 1993 are no doubt displeased. [Page Six]
• Elton John continues to call Madonna a miserable cow. You'd think legally sanctioned assfucking would mellow him out a bit, but you'd be wrong. [Scoop]

First, the official news, straight from lowdown Lloyd Grove: He's got a new Hudette. The Lloydster emails:

This just in from a sure-to-be-dejected Lloyd Grove:

• Hey, maybe newspaper readership isn't actually declining, if you count all those people who read papers on the web. Which would seem to make sense. [E&P]
• Syd Schanberg points out that old media will have to stick around in some form, because someone has to do the original reporting. To which we say: Duh. [VV]
• Jack Shafer says Daily Newser Lloyd Grove was right to piss on Time Warner's allegedly off-the-record Scalia event. Just like we said yesterday afternoon. [Slate]
• Judith Miller might put Lewis Libby in jail, but Time's Viveca Novak is key to keeping Karl Rove out, apparently. [WP]
• Tom Friedman sued for copyright infringement over World Is Flat cover art. By someone right here in the United States, no less. [E&P

It's times like this that we find ourselves, despite all our better intentions, actually rather liking the Daily News's star-crossed Lowdowner, Lloyd Grove.

Here's one of the more interesting nuggets we've read in Lloyd Grove's Lowdown in some time:

A recent vacation autoreply on Page Sixer Fernando Gil's email, which showed up in our inbox today:

• Breaking! Lloyd Grove not a fucking idiot so much as we might have thought! Writes Daily News slave Karin Henry, "To be fair to Lloyd, today s fucking idiocy can be laid at my feet. My brain said 'Walk the Line,' but my fingers said 'Ring of Fire.' Call it a brain fart, mental hemorrhoid or the ass-related metaphor of your choice. If Lloyd can take it like a man, so can I. Even though I m not."
• Hey, what's former Boldface Names gal, our auntie Joyce Wadler, been up to? We mean, besides sticking Candy Corns up her nose... [NYT]
• Best Post headline since, well, yesteday: "Mazel Toughs." Related: Why didn't the Warriors feature a Hasidic gang? [NYP]
• Sex machines. Literally. [Nerve]
• iPods are kinda like Rosa Parks, except white? No, seriously, we don't know what Apple was trying to do here, but it ain't working. [Apple]
• If you're so self-loathing as to sleep with someone named "Scooter," you're probably pathetic enough to stay with him through any forthcoming indictments. [Radar]
• Meghan O'Rourke fights for your right to get intellectually and physically laid. [Slate]