Submit your questions to asklloyd@gawker.com. Continuing:

Let us begin.

Before we get started, I ran across this amazing article about the gossip game in the Los Angeles Times — blinding in its brilliance, profound in its insights, and yet richly textured and quite moving in its way. Let me know what you think.

I'm here behind enemy lines—smack dab in the middle of Gawker HQ. How "meta" is that?

It's always darkest before the dawn. We laughed, we cried, we said goodbye, and now here we are on a bright new shiny Monday like all the rest. We promise to have big, scary announcements sometime very soon, i.e. between the end of this sentence and the start of 2007. But let's focus on the short-term. As discussed, recently decanted New York Daily News gossip columnist Lloyd Grove will today be answering your questions about this business, his and ours; feel free to pepper him with enquiries at asklloyd@gawker.com. Furthermore, all this week, we'll be joined by the blogging sensation known as Spinachdip, who'll be taking a turn on the dance floor for your delectation. And by all means, keep those tips coming to tips@gawker.com, since your emails are the vital fluid that sustains our shriveled hearts.

This past Monday saw the final departure of Lloyd Grove from his "Lowdown" gossip column at the New York Daily news. But don't fret — the man's not dead, he's merely resting. And where better to rest than by way of a guest column on Gawker? One could certainly allow that we are "multimedia, with components of Internet and television and print media," which is how Grove described his next secret gig. We got all kinds of components. One of those components will be next week's very special episode, where Grove will answer questions regarding everything you ever wanted to know about the gossip business. How does one trudge through all this filth, day after day? When is it permissible to sleep with a source? What color is Mort Zuckerman's rainbow? Send your own queries to asklloyd@gawker.com. He'll pick his favorites and respond on Monday. So be nice, and try not to stare.

• Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie just might have called a truce, as the two dined together at a steakhouse last night. Figures Paris would take Nicole to someplace with food, where Paris could back her into a corner with all sorts of caloric manipulation and threats. It's like having a sitdown with Superman in a room full of kryptonite. [TMZ]
• Okay, so maybe Madonna did adopt a Malawian boy, despite her publicist's denials. UK rag The People says that if the boy exists, his name his Luca. And he lives on the seventh floor. [Page Six]
• Is Penelope Cruz a lesbian? If so, it might explain her willingness to work as Hollywood's most popular beard. [R&M]
• Four months after the fact, Page Six learns of Keith Olbermann's ex-lover's blog. [Page Six]
• It doesn't matter how much you pay Lindsay Lohan — if she's hungover, she's not going to show at your event. [SMH]
• For his final column, Lloyd Grove goes out with a bang: Horace Mann students use their Facebook profiles to write mean things about their teachers. Sigh. We're gonna miss you, buddy. [Lowdown]

So, in a move almost everyone predicted, it's farewell to Lloyd Grove, who today pens his final column in the Daily News. Apart from breaking the news that some kids at Horace Mann were mean about their teachers on Facebook, Lloyd is somewhat cagey about his next gig, saying, "I'm almost, but not quite, ready to tell you about the next gig, which I expect will be as fun and interesting as this one has been. Here's hoping you'll check it out." He tells the NYT's David Carr that "I will be doing something that is multimedia, with components of Internet and television and print media."

In an interview today with Big Head Rob (yes, really; where do you get your news?) doomed News gossipeur Lloyd Grove says, "As far as I'm aware, I have no plans other than to continue writing my column at The New York Daily News. I miss seeing many of my DC friends, but New York is fabulous (if maybe a tad too expensive)."

• Unattractive Rachel Dratch replaced by considerably more pulchritudinous Jane Krakowski. Tabloid Baby thinks it's a move foisted on juiceless Lorne Michaels by a shallow, lookist business; we're of the opinion that it's nice of NBC to think about its audience for once. [Tabloid Baby]
• A butterfly flaps its wings and Jason Binn is branded a douchebag. Works for us. [Copyranter]
• If you missed last night's performance art piece on the whole Stadtmiller/Dick contretemps, here's the transcript. [BMcB]
• A lad mag progenitor looks back, pines for the days when features could be about bacon sandwiches and house music. Ah, were we ever that young? [Independent]
• Thanks to some goddamn activist judge, fey LES hipster boys will soon be smoking "Parliament Slightly Less Cancery" cigarettes. [AdAge]
• This weekend in Washington Square Park: silent disco! How will you know the difference? [Club free Time]
• Guy comes home from work and says, "Great news, honey, I just won the lottery! Start packing!" Wife says, "Oh, how wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?" Guy says, "I don't care, just get the hell out!" [FishbowlDC]

• Sports writers vs. sports bloggers: Whose sublimated homosexual desire for strong, sweaty men will prove dominant in the long run? [92nd St Y]
• Will Ben Widdicombe take over Lloyd Grove's empty chair once the sad-faced gossip is kicked to the curb? Jossip.com says "unequivocally," which doesn't sound at all like an attempt to force a decision that hasn't yet been made. [Jossip]
• With rare exceptions, we're reluctant to reprint every crazy-ass letter from obvious nuts that comes across our inbox. We don't have a problem linking to people who do, though. [FishbowlNY]

Close watchers of our local tabloid gossips might notice that Daily News gossipista Lloyd Grove has once again gone missing. There's a note saying he's on vacation this week — which we believe — but this is his second vacation in three weeks (for math majors, that means he's only been punching in 1/3 of the time). Of course, Grove's contract is up at the end of the month, so it's smart to use up all that vacation time while he still can. But the real question is not where Lloyd's been traveling (or job-hunting), or whether or not he can burn through that offensively generous expense account before time runs out. We're wondering: how banal can his (remaining) columns get? Celebrity pet gossip, anyone?

• Linday Lohan's late night party habits may get her kicked out of her LA "home," the Chateau Marmont. It's not that the hotel mind the ruckus — they just really want to avoid another Belushi incident. Take it to the Roosevelt, missy. [Page Six]
• As there really is no limit to Britney Spears' stupidity, she's rumored to be renewing her vows with K-Fed and giving him a black AmEx card. It's amazing this girl can wipe her own ass. Or maybe we shouldn't assume. [Scoop]
• Lloyd Grove copies bitchy Conde Nast cafeteria comment cards, makes column of them, goes back to sleep. [Lowdown]
• If you live in Jodie Foster's West Village building, don't ask her for a cup of milk or some sugar, because she'll be a bitch about it. [Page Six]
• Speaking of bitches, Kanye West was a real treat at Lollapalooza. [R&M]
• The wit and wisdom of Flavor Flav. [Us Weekly]
• Diddy hires a hot piece of Kwat as his new manager. [Page Six]

• Neighbors say that Mel Gibson's seven kids are "holy terrors," running wild and toilet-papering all kosher homes along the Pacific Coast Highway. [Page Six]
• Meanwhile, the prosecutor who filed DUI charges against Mel Gibson, Ralph Shapiro, has been removed from the case, presumably because he is a "fucking Jew." [TMZ]
• And finally, you just might be able to listen to Mel's anti-Semitic rant on your cell phone. Best ringtone ever. If you're in Beirut, we mean. [Scoop]
• The online profile belonging to Diana Bianchi, the girl who slept with Christie Brinkley's husband Peter Cook, reveals that she's a bit of a skankypuss. We're just as shocked as you are. [R&M]
• Because of the weight he gained for his role in Chapter 27, Jared Leto developed gout. Next, he'll get scurvy to score a part in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. [Page Six]
• Daily News gossipette Lloyd Grove is back! And writing about Tori Spelling! We missed your banality, darling. [Lowdown]

You might've noticed (but probably didn't) that a today's Daily News was missing a little something: gossip wench Lloyd Grove's Lowdown column. Grove takes time off here and there, so normally this would be a pleasant respite for us all, but today is July 31 — supposedly the last day of Grove's contract. As we understand it, his contract is not being renewed, and he has yet to answer any requests for comment. Why would he? If Grove's done, he's got nothing to lose, no reputation to uphold, and every reason to let us all fuck off. We're still looking for confimation but, well, you know. If today is, in fact, the day they cut the expense account/umbilical cord, props to Grove for laying so low that no one really noticed.

• In an effort to prove herself as a serious actress, child star Dakota Fanning will appear naked and in a rape scene for the movie Hounddog. Also, this may be the first and only time Lloyd Grove succeeds in a jaw-dropping item. Way to go out with an extremely uncomfortable bang, buddy. [Lowdown]
• Britney Spears reveals her hidden literary talent, revealing on her website her secret passion for tigers. It's some of her best work, featuring multisyllabic words like "mesmerized" and "mysteriousness." [Page Six]
• Paris Hilton has feelings too, you know. When TMZ readers call her "an overused human condom," it hurts Hilton, who calls the comments "mean and sadistic." That's a big word, Paris — now try telling us what it means. [TMZ]
• "Somebody" hacks into Lindsay Lohan's BlackBerry and uses it to send all sorts of unfavorable messages to her friends. Seems as if young Hollywood is plagued by this sort of problem more than gonorrhea. [Page Six]
• 31 years later, Rolling Stone Keith Richards is pardoned for getting stoned in Memphis. [R&M (last item)]
• Haley Joel Osment is old enough to drive and get in an accident. [People]
• Daniel Baldwin is old enough to drive and get in an accident and have no one give a shit. [BBC]

Is Daily News gossip columnist Lloyd Grove, whose contract is almost certain to get renewed in spite of the continuous disavowals of, oh, anyone with any specific knowledge of the situation, being placed in solitary confinement? According to Women's Wear Daily, "A copy of a new seating chart that circulated at the New York Daily News late last week sparked renewed interest in the fate of gossip columnist Lloyd Grove. The chart, which showed a reorganized features department, did not allot a place for Grove to sit. Employees believed this might finally signal the end of Grove's time at the paper." Well, we've obtained a copy of that chart, and, based on our careful examination, we have to agree with Lloyd that his position at The News is secure — though it's an open secret that he's running out the clock until the paper dispenses with his services and he's forced to slink back to covering dinner parties in Alexandria, Va.

• Woody Harrelson chokes a TMZ photographer outside of an LA nightclub. The LAPD is investigating, thought Harrelson was believed to have been in a foul mood after losing his beloved hemp necklace. [TMZ]
• The Devil Wears Prada having fully run its successful course, it's high time for another roman a clef — Wunderkind by Karen Yampolsky is a not-so-veiled account of her time as former Jane EIC Jane Pratt's assistant. Pratt is portrayed positively, but there's naturally a horrid Wintour character that plays into the story. Read about how Jane Pratt was forced to eat veal and marvel at Wintour's endless capacity for evil. [R&M]
• 14-year-old Jamie-Lynn Spears has a castmember on Zoey 101 fired, screaming that the little girl will "never work in this town together." Isn't it awful when life imitates Entourage? [Page Six]
• What is it about Lloyd Grove that consistently has him on the hip-hop beat? If ever there were the whitest white man... [Lowdown]
• Gwyneth Paltrow, having had her fill of "retirement" and "motherhood," will return to the big screen with a career-making role alongside Ben Stiller. [Page Six]
• After having prominent homos like Elton John removed from a party in Milan, Pharrell Williams faces losing his lucrative contract with Louis Vuitton. The Velvet Mafia never forgets. [Gatecrasher]

Meta-gossip: over at the Daily News, George Rush & Joanna Molloy's two beloved stringers, Chris Rovzar and Jo Piazza, have legally emancipated themselves from their gossip family. After two years of alcoholic reporting, they're both moving up to the News' feature section, where they'll bend to the mercurial will of editor Orla Healy. If they can handle the mandatory late nights at Bungalow, surely they'll be able to endure the Irish terror.

• In a fit of business brilliance, Microsoft launched a paid PC care service, thus profiting from the shittiness of its own products. [Australian IT]