Sadly, advertising your magazine with 100% cotton is not 100% foolproof:

Tyra Banks has some competition — or, as she might put it, there's some angry boos all up in her ba-dunk-a-dunk. After two years of glorious, unchallenged supremacy with her reality-driven, special-ed friendly fashudrama America's Next Top Model, Banks is facing a direct threat from the axis of evil: VH1 and the imperial Wilhelmina Modeling Agency are working together to produce The Agency, which will follow the booking agents at Wilhelmina as they scurry about, trying their hardest to lure some languishing twig out of her bed for less than $10,000 a day.

Alex Kuczynski has a problem with American Apparel. It's not the casual cotton clothes that bother the Times writer; rather, she has a problem with the company's soft-core pornographic marketing style:

· Mariah Carey is getting a much-needed makeover from none other than Vogue messiah Andre Leon Talley. If he can make Mariah lose the skanky adjectives, we'll convert to the house of Vogue. [Page Six]
· Bad news for gays, good news for me: Star Wars star Hayden Christensen is totally straight. Bad news for me: He was spotted making out with Eva Longoria. [Lowdown]
· It's the PR Bitchfest of our dreams: After losing an employee to Ronn [sic] Torossian, Lizzie Grubman chains her staff of remaining power girls to their desks. [Page Six]
· Talk-show lesbian Ellen DeGeneres comes out as a survivor of child abuse. For once, she has no quirky-cute joke to accompany this revelation, and we respect her for it. [R&M]

It's high time for a Best Press Release Ever Award — because in the big, glossy world of modeling, no child is left behind:

As demonstrated by the ass and pony show that was last night's Costume Institute celebration for its new Chanel exhibition, this season's hottest trends include sparkle-draped blondes carrying the must-have anorexic accessory.

Donatella Versace is confessing her sins in the Sistine Chapel of fashion (the May Vogue) so late last week, Mother Superior Wintour cut a few lines for Post gossip monkey Jared Paul Stern.

The latest issue of Animal Fair, available at a free veterinary clinic near you!
Don't you hate it when your six pounds of wrist bling snag your Kabbalah bracelet? It totally gets Kimora's pet wolverine all worked up.

From today's gaytastic Thursday Styles:

Since we highly doubt you read the NY Sun, we're thrilled to bring to your attention today's piece on Models for Christ, a group whose goal is to guide Christian models through the "darkness of today's fashion industry." The group provides a safe place to talk about G-d in the company of like-minded mannequins and, according to one mother, helps you score gigs through the power of prayer! But what of the satanic decadence that comes with modeling?

In her struggle to reassimilate with free society, Martha Stewart has abandoned her beloved Birkin bag for a shiny new Vuitton tote, retailing at approximately four gazillion dollars.

The mind boggles.
While the overall glossy worth of WWD's latest venture, Scoop, remains to be seen, we can at least pass judgment on the magazine's back page, featuring haikus from "fashion celebrities."

A reader reports that right now the Gap has unleashed promotional robots throughout the Times Square subway station. These evil, young women — "bedecked in gag-inducing pink knits" — are handing out roses to confused straphangers to promote the newest, girlygirlomgpinkispretty Gap campaign. Isn't spring lovely when you're forced to buy into it?

It's a slow week, apparently, so WWD's Eye column has taken to covering the socialite toddler scene. And what sort of benefits does one reap from spilling from a wealthy womb?

Today's Daily News reports on the latest trend sweeping Manhattan, in which young women spend a lot of money in order to look like bedraggled shit:

You will wear shades of salmon, carnation, fuschia, and blush. You will pretend to enjoy looking like cotton candy.
A reader reports that right now, in an effort to ensure that the midtown experience remain as hellish as possible, the Times Square subway station is currently populated with young women "bedecked in gag-inducing pink knits" handing out roses to confused straphangers. This can only be an evil tentacle of Sarah Jessica Parker's new Gap campaign, reaching out to girls with pearls in their mouths; a subtle, full-page pink ad in yesterday's Times hinted at today's marketing move. Spring is here and you motherfuckers going to be pretty, whether you like it or not.

From today's New York Daily News:

Last night's episode of UPN's gripping fashudrama America's Next Top Model was seriously intense. Not only did host Tyra Banks keep it real and spit out her usual dose of "modeling is tough" insight, but contestant Rebecca actually fainted under the bright lights and harsh criticism of Janice Dickinson. The reasoning? "A rare disorder." Yeah, we know that disorder. It's called stress and hunger. Cruel Stereogum has a video of the incident, if you're into watching stick-figure girls lifelessly fall to the ground. And we know you are.

Oh, le horreur of the Paris fashion shows:

Details looks at the ironic slogan T-shirt, a trend that probably should have ended around the time of Britney Spears' first marriage. And yet people are still walking around with shirts that say "Everyone Loves a Jewish Girl" (preferably worn by an African American male), or "I'm a Virgin (But this Shirt is Old)" (preferably crumpled on the floor of some dude's SUV limo by Paris Hilton).