· Trucker hat artist needed.
· Most overrated athletes
· Primer on irony [via Lasagnafarm]

Lower East Side evangelist/blogger Lockhart Steele presses his nose against the windowor the plywood, as it wereat a soon-to-be-opened German Jewish restaurant on Norfolk and Rivington by restaurateur Keith McNally (of Balthazar/Pastis fame). Says Lockhart: "We're guessing September for an opening, and have wagered $10 on the series finale of Sex and the City including a scene shot herein." [Ed.If I had more time and resources, I'd start a Gawker version of Punk'd. The first episode would consist of having various corners on the Lower East Side randomly boarded up, then filming Lockhart frantically darting between them in a "potential four star restaurant"-induced mania.]
Is Norfolk the new Clinton? [Lockhart Steele]

· Friday, I was at lunch with a friend at Baluchi's, the Indian place on Second Avenue & 6th Street, and Britney Spears was at the table next to ours with her mother (?) and a friend, a brunette w/ a southern accent. My friend and I were the only other people in the restaurant besides Britney — her body guards probably chose the place b/c it was empty. After her lunch, body guards ushered Britney into a big black GMC Yukon, sheilding Britney from onlookers (there were none) with a black umbrella.
· The Burger Guy was sighted at the [Conde Nast cafeteria] grill today. I guess he has learned all there is to know about making pasta.
· Whoopie Goldberg on Prince at Wooster. She looked sullen and wore those little sunglasses she wears. I also thought I saw a walking stick, but it was only a leaf. Finally, knock-off Murakami LV bags have made it to Canal Street.

· MTV VJ Carson Daly, roasting ex-girlfriends: "Jennifer Love Hewitt, thank you so much for being here...I will always for the rest of my life cherish the wonderful, wonderful, moments we had together. Back when you were famous...Jaime Pressly, thank you so much. Your father would be proud, my best to you, your mother and everybody at Graceland." [Page Six]
· Customs officials found stuffed pirahnas and a dead vampire bat in Johnny Depp's luggage on a flight back from Peru. [Page Six]
· Emcee Jeffrey Ross said he was honored to appear at Carson Daly's roast: "in front of all these extremely talented people - and the Hilton sisters...Isn't it ironic that two sluts would be named after a cheap hotel?" [NY Daily News]

"Dong Resin" on hipster slang:
"Listen to me very carefully :
Nothing is 'deck', okay? Nothing.
In six months, when you revert back to calling it 'cool', that one friend of yours in the grey AC/DC tee shirt will be right there to remind you of what a hipster douchebag you are for using 'deck'.
Head it off at the pass, willya? Trust me. Dong_resin's your buddy. Dong resin cares.
Also, it's not 'off the hook'. 'Off the hook' means you're no longer in trouble. 'Out of hand' is what you think you mean, intriguingly crazy.
Lil' Kim is not so much 'off the hook' as she is 'out of hand', whereas Lizzie Grubman is a 'cunt'."
[Ed.I'm trying not to think too hard about the fact that I'm endorsing the opinion of someone named "dong resin."]
Y bother [Dong Resin's joint]

Everyone's favorite flack, Lizzie Grubman, is looking for an intern. Job requirements include "2 or more years of college completed, basic knowledge of computers (Windows 95 + Microsoft Office) and the Internet, excellent organizational skills, and the ability to commit at least 16 hours per week. Availability to work nighttime events is preferred." It also probably helps if you look remarkably like Lizzie and enjoy doing community service.
Job detail [Grubman PR via Late Final]

· Nerve's pickup line contest [via TheModernAge]
· [Once again.] The Kennedys: ZZZZZZzzzzzz.
· Truffles on Spring Street
· Ask a New Yorker [via Muxway]

The Post reports that "David Junga 31-year-old kimono-wearing, Hello Kitty-mocking make-believe rocker from Williamsburgwon the U.S. Air Guitar Championship and will represent the United States in world competition Aug. 28-29." The Post writes that he's "probably the only graduate of Phillips Exeter Academy and Cornell University who donned a red silk kimono, Chinese print pants and a Hello Kitty chest plate over the weekend." Maybe not red kimonos, Chinese print pants, and Hello Kitty chest plates specifically, but I'd say Ivy League grads and boarding school alumni are responsible for the vast majority of ironic fashion statements coming out of Williamsburg. At least the rivers of trust fund money are being spent on something that's mildly amusing for the rest of us.
Air you go! Brooklyn actor licks rivals [Post via Nuggets]

· I saw Andrew McCarthy enter Moustache in Greenwich Village to show off his baby to the staff. They seemed delighted to see him. I did too, until I realized that he isn't famous anymore. Then I realized I had not done much with my life since he was famous, and it bummed me out. I hope this doesn't happen to me anymore, so I wish that people like Andrew McCarthy would stay indoors.
· 6/29 12pm. Helen Hunt eating brunch with a small group at Odeon. We were a party of ten about to be seated at the table next to hers in the nearly-empty restaurant. Before we were even seated, however, Ms. Hunt summoned the hostess and apparently asked to be moved somewhere far, far away from us.

· Bill Clinton reportedly edited the chapter in Hillary's book on her reaction to his affair with White House intern Monica Lewinsky. Also: fashion designer "John Bartlett says he likes to clean the house naked except for 'a little lipstick, because if you catch yourself in the mirror, it's a like a moment of glamour'" [NY Daily News]
· Lenny Kravitz spotted at Lobby with Nicole Kidman. [Page Six]
· Latin singer Ricky Martin on the benefits of travel abroad: "I TRANSFORM when I'm in India. I wear a robe and turban and let my hair grow, and I forget about things like wearing underwear." [Page Six]
· Paris Hilton on Pamela Anderson: "I've never felt so flat!" Pamela on Paris: "I've never felt so poor!" [Page Six]

The New Yorker's Rebecca Mead interviews dermatology king Jonathan Zizmor (of "seen on the subway" fame) and his better half, who describes their first date and notes that she didn't know he was initially because "She had never been on the subway." She says she mistakenly ordered two entrees at Le Cirque, "But he didn't say a word. He had a lot of class, and he let it go."
The rest of the exchange:
"And she ordered milk," Dr. Zizmor said.
"With dessert," Mrs. Zizmor said. "You have to have milk with cake."
The Jonathan Zizmors [New Yorker]

Rocker Liz Phair responds to Meghan O'Rourke's scathing NYT review of her eponymous album with a bizarre letter to the editor: "Once upon a time there was a writer named Chicken Little. Chicken Little worked very hard and took her job very seriously. Often, she even wrote. One day, just as Chicken Little was about to have an idea, she heard something falling on her roof. 'The sky is falling! The sky is falling!' she shrieked, spilling green tea and vodka all over her work station. This commotion awoke her three readers, who lived with her in her hut, and all three rushed outside to see what had happened to the sky." I guess "my album does not suck," would have been too simple.
Chicken Little's tale [NYT]

Barney's window dresser/columnist Simon Doonan on cheap celebrities: "Celebrities are always on the take. I am completely appalled... the only ones with any money, a disposable income, who make 8 million dollars a movie, the only people who can afford couture gowns and tchotchkes from Jonathan Adler are the ones who want it for free. So as far as I'm concerned they can all go fuck themselves. They need to open their purses and buy stuff. It s embarrassing! They keep saying 'It's so sad I have to give this dress back.' Well, bitch, if you bought it you could keep it and give it to your grandchildren!"
Bare balls on broadway [GayCityNews]

The Washington Post reports that New Yorkers are now sending their dogs to yoga classes. The Post writes of the last class: "the women stretched their dogsall of them on the small sideto the left and the right and lifted them in their arms like furry weights. From time to time, they paused to pull the wandering dogs back to their mats and shush their barks. 'Give him a little love,' yoga instructor Suzi Teitelman, 31, told her students. 'Come forward, give him a kiss.'" This is clearly part of a conspiracy on the part of some out-of-stater to make New Yorkers look like morons. Or at least that's what I'm going to tell myself. They shipped the dog yoga instructor and the class participants in from another state and staged the whole thing. No New Yorker with any self-respect would take their dog to yoga class. We may not be allowed to smoke in bars, but it's not San Francisco just yet.
New York dogs try yoga for stress relief [Reuters via WaPo]

Lasagnafarm.com interviews "A SENIOR EDITOR AT A MARKET RESEARCH COMPANY, W/ APOLOGIES TO MEDIABISTRO.COM S SIMILAR Q/A FORMAT, AND A NOD TOWARD GAWKER, THEM WHAT FOLLOW THE MEDIA ELITE, LIKE OUR MAN HERE." A sampling of the interview:
Q: It seems that editors in NYC get to go to all the cool parties. Did you go the Entertainment Weekly IT List party, and who did you see?
A: Yes, of course I did. And I was resplendant in faux pearls and black espadrilles. It was a brilliantine night. At first, I noticed the crowd was much less fashionable than I had been expecting. Lots of balding white guys with several communications devices clipped to their belts. Then I realized I was at the Technology Weekly *IT* List party. I paged my driver, Zjlgo, who said he had spotted a post-coital Jessica Simpson and celeb chef Bobby Flay sneaking through a nearby alley. We followed them to what we found to be the proper soiree, and, after a few well-placed Jeffersons, I was in the door. Staff then led me up to the Red Carpet through a bulkhead reserved for the kitchen's daily pickups of reclamed duck fat. There I was, under the sparkle of flashbulbs like the diamonds on J-Lo's Dustbuster. I waved to an approaching Frenchie Davis, but, as she stumbled on a piece of ginger shrimp that had fallen from a flap of skin behind Joan Rivers' left ear, I succeeded only in wedging my hand into her cleavage like a country veterinarian delivering a breech calf. But I had fun."
Interview with a senior editor at a market research firm [Lasagnafarm]

No, it's not another post on reality TV. The New Yorker has an article on a law clerk (with whom I apparently went to school) at Skadden Arps who nearly ruined his law career after accidentally sending the following email to the entire underwriting group: "I'm busy doing jack shit. Went to a nice 2hr sushi lunch today at Sushi Zen. Nice place. Spent the rest of the day typing e-mails and bullshitting with people.'" Continues: "Jonas did, unfortunately, have a bit of work to take care of (corporate-finance deal; yawn), so he needed to 'peruse these materials and not be a fuckup.' But he couldn't complain; he was, after all, a summer associate. He signed off, 'So yeah, Corporate Love hasn't worn off yet...But just give me time.'" [Gratuitous addendum: In a metafilter.com discussion of the article, one participant responds to a poster complaining that his philosophy degree is underappreciated: "What did you think...you were going to get recruited by a big, white shoe philosophy firm?"]
Oops [New Yorker]

· NYC weblogs
· The collapsable stiletto
· NPR on the "Hipster Handbook." (Better late than never?)

· 6/26 2:30 PM - Willie Nelson and Anthony Kiedis walking east on W 26th St., maybe from the Annie Leibowitz studio? I think the tour bus airbrushed with huge, menacingly patriotic eagles belonged to Willie.
· Candace Bushnell talking on her cell phone on the corner of 12th and 5th, around 1:20 on Friday afternoon. She was wearing a snug pink sundress and impeccable shoes and looked unaffected by the heat. My metrosexual friend kept exclaiming "She's a confection! She's a confection!"
· Saw Peter Vallone, former city council speaker, in a grey suit on fulton street [yesterday] morning talking with another man in a suit about weight watchers.
· Saw Helen Lee Shifter and her much shorter husband standing on the yellow line in the middle of sixth ave, near Da Silvano, trying to get a cab. She was carrying a manolo blahnik bag.

· Favorite flack Lizzie Grubman has a new gig as a gossip columnist for radio station Blink 102.7. [Page Six]
· "If I had Paris Hilton's [bleep] on my computer, that's all I'd look at" - Liz Phair in GQ, "on finding out that a photo of the hot-blooded hotel heiress' nether region was circulating on the Internet." [Page Six]
· Actress (and drama queen, apparently) Faye Dunaway began throwing food at an assistant after discovering the assistant had brought her plums instead of plum tomatoes. She also flew into a rage when a restuarant refused to let her pay half price for a portion of pasta salad, protesting, "I'm Faye Dunaway and restaurants always give me what I want!" [Page Six]
· London's Revolver Entertainment is selling a "best of" video of Iraqi information minister Mohammed Saeed Al-Sahaf's greatest quotes. [Page Six]
· Cindy Adams previews "The New York Chronology", a sort of New York encyclopedia being published by HarperCollins. [Cindy Adams]
· Composer Philip Glass on his cabdriving experiece in the early 70s when two robbers got into his cab: "They hopped in the backseat with guns and made me drive like I was their getaway guy. I was afraid they would kill me. When they got to their destination, they just hopped out and walked away high-fiving - without paying me, of course." [NY Daily News]

Blogger Nil by Mouth on recent NYC weather: "No longer is the weather a backdrop to my emotional wobbles. It's not a topic to bring up when there s nothing left to say. It s the horseman of the fucking apocalypse. If I were Christian I'd go to Church. If I were a Muslim I'd get on a plane to Mecca, if I were a better Jew I might feel guilty about not being a better Jew. Instead of all that, I will just look back on this year as the time when even the weather decided to choose sides. And of course, he chose evil. I guess you can't blame him, that's where all the money and glamour is. The good side just has a bunch of broke, ignored, frustrated do-gooders. Evil has the top shelf gin and those nice thick ice cubes that keep the drink cold for as long as it takes. Fuckers."
The Mexican hound [Nil by Mouth]