As New Yorkers wonder whether or not our subways are safe from the terror of panhandlers, our brethren across the pond are coping with Al Qaeda's latest attack as best as they can. We contacted our favorite ex-pat, UK Maxim editor and HuffPo king Greg Gutfeld, for a play-by-play of how London is handling today's terror:

In this edition: Katie Couric, Donatella and Allegra Versace, Peter Bogdonavich, Tracy Ullman, Judith "Angel-uh" Light, Jake Gyllenhaal, Tim Roth, Naomi Watts and Liev Schriber, Kieran Culkin, Anna Paquin, Julianne Moore, Natalie Portman, Keanu Reeves, Cate Blanchett, Heather Matarazzo, Rosario Dawson, James Gandolfini, Matthew Broderick, Joe Torre, Christian Slater, Mike Myers, Steven Van Zandt, Victor Garber, Mos Def, Tom Brokaw, Ali Landry, Jerry Springer, Malcolm Gladwell, Tyson Beckford, and Richie Akiva can't get past the velvet rope.

Why you shouldn't necessarily depend on only blogs and new media for hard news coverage:

Just when we thought "possibly" crack-crocked actress Natasha Lyonne had been reduced to crawling about the rotting underbelly of darkness, a reader sends word that Lyonne is alive, but not necessarily well:

• Has the Federletus doubled? Rumors swirl that Britney's carrying twins, which would be the most magnificently magnificent testament to K-Fed's virility since, oh, Shar Jackson. [Lowdown]
• In order to direct your attention away from the fact that Us misreported Angelina Jolie's new Ethiopian adoptee to be a boy, editor Janice Min reveals that next week's issue will feature photos of Brad Pitt and Jolie house-hunting in Provence, France. Or maybe it was deer hunting. They're not sure. [Page Six]
• Rapper 50 Cent is apparently "doing" his co-star. Did you blink? We certainly hope not. [Gatecrasher]
• Apparently bored out of his mind and with nothing to do, former CBS anchor Dan Rather is helping National GuardGater Mary Mapes with her tell-all book. [Page Six]
• SNL sultan Lorne Michaels is reportedly trolling the comedy clubs for some new talent, as both Tina Fey and Maya Rudolph are expecting their spawn to emerge right as the new season begins. [Fox 411 (2nd item)]

Hate Bruce Ratner's plan for Brooklyn's Atlantic Yards? Don't like its size, don't like its displacements, don't like its eminent-domaining? Oh, man, has Gary Barnett got a rival plan for you. Bids for the railyard were due to the MTA by 5 o'clock yesterday afternoon, and a surprise, last-minute, stadiumless, Gehryless counteroffer arrived from developer Barnett. Highlights of his plan, as reported in the Times:

We're sure the NY1 footage of the current subway terror drills — coincidentally pre-planned for today — are helping everyone to feel nice and calm. Our thoughts: Why not take today as a personal day? We're not saying that things are unsafe, we're just saying you know you can. Might as well take care of some errands before the apocalyptic downpour kicks in tonight.

Today in housing bubble hell, Corcoran has a new listing for a 1 bedroom, 1.5 bath (a steal at just under half a million!) on the UWS. The realtor describes the unit as follows, letter for letter:

Because we've come to believe that media bloglord Jim Romenesko exists on a level beyond reason or understanding, we've not paid too much attention to news of his crazy-ass salary. Anonyblog Mediacrity, however, was more or less the first "publication" to detail the salary and, as such, is mighty pissed that the Times has failed to give proper credit. Yeah, well, welcome to Life, grasshopper. Nevertheless, reading angry blogrants are fun:

Shocking news from Staten Island: High school basketball coach Drew Sanders (at right) has been charged with second-degree attempted assault, fourth-degree criminal possession of a weapon, 23 counts of forcible touching, 23 counts of third-degree sexual abuse and two counts of endangering the welfare of a child. According to two 15-year-old boys, Sanders has spent the past two years intermittently pulling down their pants after basketball practice and spanking them (with his bare hand or, if their suicide sprints were really lackluster, a wooden paddle) for missing shots.

We've lost track of the legal status of subway coffee-sipping — they were going to ban it, then they tabled the ban, but then it turned out it had actually been banned for decades, we think. But if the MTA still feels it simply must make new subway rules, Time Out New York offers some excellent suggestions for regulations that straphangers will appreciate. Our favorites from the mag's list:

This really isn't the sort of thing to joke about, and nothing we've yet read gives any information on what caused it, and, even if it is a terroristic sort of bombing, the timing could well be entirely coincidental. But at least six blasts hit London's subway system and a bus today, a day after the city was chosen for the 2012 Olympics. And the headlines immediately reminded us why we're so very glad the Olympics aren't coming here.

• Quote of the day: Park Commissioner Adrian Benepe says of city park University Woods, "Just because something is in our inventory doesn't mean it's worth taking care of." [NYT]
• Kudos to Lucky editor Kim France, who chose her letter in this month's magazine to announce her divorce. Classy!
• Michael Showalter ruminates on his new film, The Baxter, and v-neck sweaters. [BoomSalon]
• An anonymous $20 million donation recently made to the Carnegie Corporation has been traced back to Mayor Bloomberg. Well, looky there — we can't find anything snide to say. Cheers, Mike. [NY Sun]

• A dude took pictures of everything he ate for a year, and we're finding ourselves strangely intrigued and impressed. [Gothamist]
• Meanwhile, another dude catalogued all the coffeehouses in Park Slope, which for some reason we find merely utilitarian and not at all charming. [Only the Blog Knows Brooklyn]
• And brigades of hipster cartographers are devoted to determining which Orchard Street bar David Cross now owns, which we find amusing, irrelevant, and sadly characteristic. [Curbed]
• Finally, it seems a good time to check in our New York's favorite tabloid copy editor-cum-fundamentalist wackjob-cum-blogger. Today: News headlines today, lobbying for pro-life justices by night. Swell. [The Dawn Patrol

Here we are with our panties all in a bunch about Time reporter Matthew Cooper agreeing to testify and the New York Times' Judith Miller getting hauled off to jail, and we've gone and ignored the day's other Big Huge Legal Story of Earth-Shattering Proportions! Kimberly Jones (who some of you might know as the slightly-clothed rapper Lil' Kim) has just been sentenced to 12 months in prison for lying to a grand jury about her friends' involvement in a 2001 shooting outside the Hot 97 radio station studio. No doubt Kim is devasted — going down for perjury completely lacks street cred. Even Martha Stewart's insider trading tastes hardcore in comparison.

• Rachid Taha rocks Algerian punk so hard even Brian Eno and the Rolling Stones are all up on his shit. If he's good enough for Eno and the Stones, he's good enough for you. Bowery Ballroom, 8pm. [flavorpill]
• The Devon Sawa/Jason Schwartzman powerhouse film Slackers (not to be confused with the actually respectable Slacker) is a utter crap. That, however, seems to be the point of this year's Hudson River Park's River Flicks series, which also features such celluloid accomplishments as Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure and Cheech and Chong's Up in Smoke. Like you wanted to see Citizen Kane anyway. 8:30 at Pier 54. [HRP]
• Former Lemonheads frontman Evan Dando gets a turn on the decks at tonight's Cheeky Bastard party at Hiro. We really like the memo the party organizers wrote to all the 17-year old girls trying to take home 40-year old i-bankers: "Sorry to everyone who couldn't get in (last week) — please remember to bring your I.D. this week." Obviously! [Upcoming]

Defamer is committed to connecting independent, ambitious women getting their start in our fair city with the affordable housing options offered by anonymous Craiglist benefactors looking for open-minded roommates. Today's CL listings present a veritable cornucopia of such low/no-cost housing opportunities (and since none brag about their industry ties, they must all be on the up-and-up, how refreshing!) available to hot-tub friendly females (and in one case, being biologically female doesn't seem to be a deal-breaker):

A Newsweek interview with actress Natalie Portman reveals how truly safe we are from the threat of terrorism:

After three weeks of some of the worst reality television since the Real World: Paris, we're beginning to suspect that crazy Intern Rachel may be the only fool still watching Kathy Hilton's attempt at relevancy, I Want to be a Hilton. But that's what interns are for: To watch terrible, mind-numbing crap so that your virgin eyes remain unscarred by the vision of Kathy Hilton trying to advise anyone on anything. After the jump, this week's review.

• Backstage at this weekend's Live 8 concert, Madonna poured a gallon of haterade on Mariah Carey while Kimberly Stewart called Sting an asshole. See? We knew the event couldn't possibly have been boring as it seemed. [Page Six]
• And, when Madonna wasn't busy throwing red string at Mariah, she was spotted chatting up Paul McCartney about participating in her new album. [Gatecrasher (2nd item)]
• Demi Moore is most certainly not carrying Ashton Kutcher's baby. She just looks five or six months pregnant. [Page Six]
• You have to admire a Manhattan physician so desperate to make her name that she issues a press release claiming Britney Spears should take it easy. [Lowdown]