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As New Yorkers wonder whether or not our subways are safe from the terror of panhandlers, our brethren across the pond are coping with Al Qaeda's latest attack as best as they can. We contacted our favorite ex-pat, UK Maxim editor and HuffPo king Greg Gutfeld, for a play-by-play of how London is handling today's terror:

I am back at my desk.. i am drinking Cobra extra smooth premium doubled filtered lager. It's from India. I was going to go to the gym, but now i'm not. life's too short and i am drunk. fuck the gym. the thing about terrorism is, it's another reason not to go to the gym. I might not even shower - screw those bastards.

Read on for more of Gutfeld's crisis coverage.

With the exception of the bombs and the carnage, everything's is fine here. Bombs go off around the corner and the Brits do what they do best - they go to the pub and get drunk and make the best of it. Even better: cricket is still going on (it's a game with tall men in white pants. they play for days). My managing editor, Eoin, a Millwall football supporter with the name of his favorite team tattooed on the inside of his lip, says, "we fought hitler! it'll take a bit more than some shits with carrier-bag bombs on a tube to put us off. It was a bit of a piss-poor effort. Shall we have another pint then?" We had another pint and had "a laugh." And "a wee." He has big, caring arms.

Brits are used to this terrorist crap, with the IRA, and they pride themselves on carrying on as if nothing happened. Every one here is scared, but no one shows any fear. that's a British thing. they are tough little bastards. everyone feels bad about what happened. but they don't let that interfere with their resolve. they figure the enemy should be really scared, not them - which is always the way to think, I think. I love these people.

they aren't like the fucking Spanish.

All the pubs are packed, and everyone is getting shitfaced. we left the office around noon. i am now alone and feeling woozy. most of my staff has left. they canceled quiz night, and most of the gigs too. everyone has to walk home because there's no tube service. I'm thinking of ordering some Indian food. Maybe Chicken Tikka Massala. Or Tandori Chicken. Or maybe Lamb Korma. I could probably get a mixed grill. Something that has a little of everything. Perhaps some keema nan thrown in? Why not! Screw those bastards.

I have to pee now. no one here is in the office so i bet i could do it in the trash bin.