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The painful tales of horrific holiday celebrations continue to pour in. The latest:

Screw 'VICE', right? Those dudes suck! Screw 'em!

Sightings are sent in by readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

Sikh "entrepreneur" Vikram Chatwal has finally thrown open the doors to his much-ballyhooed DreamNY hotel (luscious and extravagant bedroom featured at right). For a mere $300, you can fraternize with some hot construction workers still putting the final touches on the hotel:

The third day of our Hollywood Holiday Cards feature spotlights what we consider to be the Mother of All Celebrity Season's Greetings: Tom Cruise's Scientology-pushing missive and "gift."

Look, we've said it before and we'll say it again: Harvey Weinstein is not Santa Claus. Now we have definitive proof, from someone in the know:

Apparently our tipster on the Martha conference call was mistaken. For one thing, Martha has taken to spelling her name "Martha Stewart," so as to remain consistent with all that "Martha Stewart" branded products (very clever). Also:

Don't tell us that Martin Scorsese doesn't know about Dziga Vertov, okay? Homeboy knows his Soviet Cinema.

The reports are flooding in:

When she's not too busy educating young women on how to appreciate their vaginas, original Cosmo girl Helen Gurley Brown still likes to party. A reader reports:

· Rolling Stone has some choice quotes from its People of the Year in the upcoming issue. From Paris Hilton: "I'm not a sexual person, really. I don't really care about sex." From Paul Giamatti, on meeting Paris Hilton: "She looked at me like I was something on the bottom of her shoe." [Lowdown]
· Hilary Duff's claws are out and she's back to hating Lindsay Lohan. Duff allegedly had her boyfriend from the band Good Charlotte refuse to sign an autograph for Lohan's little brother, causing the 8 year-old to cry. These tween girls are so family-friendly, no? [Page Six]
· Abandoned actress Mary-Louise Parker has entered into arbitration with actor Billy Crudup in order to negotiate Crudup's visits with their child. Parker, however, won't let Crudup's girlfriend, Claire Danes, near the baby...because Danes eats babies. [R&M]
· Actor Tom Hanks has escaped from the clutches of publicity firm PMK-HBH; he's the latest in a slew of celebs running from the building after Leslee Dart was canned. [Page Six]

· East Village music haven Other Music has published their remarkably extensive Year End Recap. Bonus points if you recognize over 60% of the albums they list. [Other Music]
· Alias star Jennifer Garner is looking slightly plump, so you know what that means: she MUST be pregnant with Ben Affleck's love child! [Star]
· You know you want it: the 2005 Girls of American Apparel calendar, complete with owner Dov Charney's invidually-applied stickiness. [American Apparel]

Wenner Media's annual holiday party at Irving Plaza last night was just what you'd expect: cute girls in pointy shoes with higher levels of blood alcohol content than Christmas cheer. Intern Neel, back in town for a round of free drinks, sneaked into the bash. It was worth the subterfuge: he abused the open bar, chatted up Ann Coulter and Tim Robbins (above), and endured the music of Maroon 5 (no word on the attendance of US Weekly staffers, who may have been still confined to deadline hell). Neel's drunken report and photos after the jump.

And now for something completely different: A reader report from a party totally devoid of open-bar clogging, hors d'oeuvres gobbling, goodie-bag grabbing B-listers. Each December the studios will lay out some cold cuts, spin some records, and hire some booze-wielding cater-waiters for their employees, all in the name of averting a bloody end-of-the-year. burnout-induced revolt. Some might mistake this for goodwill, rather than a necessary evil rooted in self-preservation. Whatever the motive, a snout full of free vodka feels just as good:

Defamer is delighted to present the second installment of Hollywood Holiday Cards, in which we share the season's greetings of the entertainment biz's biggest stars and most powerful players with the world. Today, actor Paul Reubens offers his glad tidings in-character.

Well, it ain't TIME's "Person of the Year," but Jessica Simpson has the honor of being named "Bum Steer of the Year" by Texas Monthly.

People of the Year [Rolling Stone, via Whatevs]
Teffilin painting [Die j dische Gebetskleidung, German site]
The Mitzvah of Tefillin [Being Jewish]

As of yesterday, the National Audubon Society had struck a deal with CNN anchor Paula Zahn and her gang of evil co-opsters at 927 Fifth Avenue to ensure that recently-evicted hawk Pale Male (and his lady friend, Lola) would be able to rebuild their nest atop the building's overhang. The weekend's protests, however, resulted in the arrest of Lincoln Karim, the super bird freak advocate who runs the Pale Male fansite. Apparently Karim had approached Zahn on multiple occasions and at one point treated her 7 year-old son with the kind words, "Your parents are going to pay for this." Blogger Hiding In Plain Sight reports that Mary Tyler Moore predictably came to Karim's rescue, but not quickly enough to keep him out of the big house. Frankly, until Mary Tyler Moore tries to bite the Zahn child, we're not sure whose side she's on.
Lincoln Karim's Arrest [Hiding in Plain Sight]
Co-Op To Help Hawks Rebuild, But The Street Is Still Restless [NYT]

Our favorite Tara-Reid-In-The-Making, the multitalented Lindsay Lohan, will be appearing on the Ellen DeGeneres Show today; the good news is Lindsay's definitely not lip syncing. An unfortunate reader, however, witnessed the taping: