Friday:
· Dance, disaffected youth, dance! Or at least nod your asymmetric head to the music like you just don't care. German beat king Triple R provides ample opportunity for both at Subtonic tonight. [flavorpill
· All bling, no rent money? No bling, no rent money? Financial guru Suze Orman discusses her new book, "The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous and Broke," tonight at the Apple store in SoHo. [Apple]
Saturday:
· Check out David Byrne in all his Big White Suite-ed glory at Makor tonight, where Jonathan Demme's Talking Heads concert opus, "Stop Making Sense," plays. [92Y]
· Gregarious gay Michael Musto and Le Tigre member JD Samson lead a panel of judges at Fez for the 5th Annual L.E.S. Pageant. 1,500 applications proclaming hipster supremecy have been whittled down to five finalists: Miss Orchard, Miss Delancey, Miss Rivington, Miss Houston, and Miss Allen. The winner will no doubt wear a crown of Rheingold cans. [fez]
Sunday:
· The Secret Machines certainly aren't a secret anymore. And we still can't write funny jokes. But on a Friday, you really shouldn't expect much. Anyhow, go see them redefine prog rock at Irving Plaza. [flavorpill]

Oh, le horreur of the Paris fashion shows:

Ms. Guiliano wears her part on the left side. Yeah, that's the Crip side.

As any east-sider who's dined alongside Giovanni Ribisi or Beck at The Alcove on Hillhurst Avenue knows, the Scientologists have very recently established a beachhead with their Mission of Los Feliz. From Scientology.org, L. Ron Hubbard's icy, outstretched hand on the web:

Hey, Martha. How are you? We know you're probably very busy catching up with family, friends, and business associates now that you're out of prison, but we just wanted to say hi. We also wanted to help you reintegrate into life on the outside by catching you up on what's happened since you've been away.

A lustful, sloppy shout-out to this week's sponsors — without their backing, we'd be barefoot and pregnant. Interested in keeping us off the streets? Info here.

Not mentioned on Jay Rosen's PressThink blog today:
· Rob Corddry
· Dino Ironbody
· Pants

· Scientific research has determined that placing two square-jawed, highly-gelled rich boys near each other will cause a violent chemical reaction. As such, textile heir Cody Franchetti claims he wouldn't be in the same room as Fabian Basabe. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
· Martha Stewart, now in the "estate arrest" phase of her sentencing, will no doubt have a field day creating some sort of obscure delicacy out of the four dozen Italian lemons sent to her by Rosie O'Donnell. [ET]
· Conspiracy theorists wet themselves over the possibility that Hunter S. Thompson's recent suicide was something more sinister, as the writer was reportedly working on a story about the WTC at the time. Internet nerds, do your thing. [Page Six]
· Residents of South Dakota, fear not: Insider host Pat O'Brien has no intentions of running for Governor. [Page Six]
· Mel Gibson faces his alleged stalker in court — we're just happy for Mel. At least someone still finds him tolerable. [R&M]

The poor thing is so battered, she can barely dress herself. A poncho? Tragic.

· Was Hunter S. Thompson murdered? [Pop Doh!]
· Clip and save guide to Harlem bed and breakfasts from our brother site. [Gridskipper]
·Ann Lee has a quick chat with beloved director and nonexistent sneaker pimp Wes Anderson. [Kamera.co.uk, via Greencine Daily]
· Dizzee Rascal arrested. [All Hiphop]

Even the boring ones are dropping like flies... And Jesus wept.
Katie And Chris Call It Quits [E!]

One click upon the image and you shall turn stone.

Tonight's PR schedule has a doozy:

· Go on and unleash your inner riot grrrl (or at least go get on a riot grrrl) at the Sleater-Kinney show tonight at the Mercury Lounge. Smart (if not angry) ladies of all persuasions should be in abundance. [Mercury]
· Postmodernist darling and film director Julian Schnabel (Before Night Falls) gets all self-referential and discusses what it means to be Julian Schnabel at the New York Studio School. Wear your favorite 80's stretch pants! [flavorpill]
· Spelling bee dropout Fabolous and entertainment diva Jennifer Lopez headline Hot 97's "Full Frontal Hip-Hop" show at Hammerstein Ballroom. We'd make a joke about gatt-waving and knife wounds, but that would be rude. [Hot97]

There's nothing like a smart subject header to get our attention. (When a fellow once sent us a message with the subject, "Victor Coen's Kinky Secret," everyone freaked out just enough to not immediately hit delete. Turns out the email was about a Women's Wear Daily piece.) So when something came our way screaming about "USHER'S ABS AND ANGELINA'S ARMS," we had to read what followed:

For as long as you can remember (er, the past six months), domestic dominatrix Martha Stewart has been locked away, unable to bake you rarefied scones and make your bed with those extra-tight hospital corners that you so desire. But tomorrow is her release (and yours, pervs) and media analysts are all atwitter with the possibilities for her brand new, post-incarceration image. Will she wear white? Or maybe a St. John s knit? Will she walk slowly? Carry a big stick? Carry a Birkin?

To serve the growing need for rewards programs catering to our community's taut-face crowd, enterprising pharmaceutical companies and plastic surgeons are introducing a frequent-injector card for Restylane and Botox enthusiasts. From the Wall Street Journal:

· The real issue in the Michael Jackson trial has nothing to do with speckled penises or defiled children. This is really about Bubbles the Chimp, and whether or not MJ is an honest-to-god monkeyfucker. [R&M]
· Mary-Kate Olsen is fine, people, FINE. She's just getting outpatient care at NYU and UCLA, OKAY? Leave her the fuck alone already! She doesn't need your help! [Page Six]
· Straight from an innocently retarded Craigslist casting call to Fabian Basabe's heart, reality show Survival of the Richest is casting in New York and the Basabe just might be interested. [Lowdown]
· Lesbians have polyps, too: Ellen DeGeneres had a biopsy to remove the nasty buggers from her cervix. The surgery was sponsored by American Express. [Page Six]

Today's top stories from the Neverland freakfest: Jackson angry! Santa Maria locals profit! Jay Leno is thinking! And, most importantly:

It s a sad day in Famousville: Actress Denise Richards has filed for divorce from her husband, Charlie Sheen, citing irreconcilable differences (we think that delightfully vague excuse has something to do with Sheen s increasingly close relationship with Angelina Jolie Jon Cryer). The couple already has a 1 year-old daughter, Sam, and more interestingly, Richards is currently 6 months pregnant with their second spawn. Wow, Denise how very Crudup of you.