This image was lost some time after publication.

Hey, Martha. How are you? We know you're probably very busy catching up with family, friends, and business associates now that you're out of prison, but we just wanted to say hi. We also wanted to help you reintegrate into life on the outside by catching you up on what's happened since you've been away.

After the jump, some things you might've missed while you were at Camp Cupcake:

· Christopher Reeve died
· Nikky Hilton and Todd Meister ended their marriage (The upside: no gift!)
· Radar came back from the dead (The downside: they're probably doing an article on you right now.)
· Jon Stewart called Tucker Carlson a dick
· Ponchos went out of style (It's not your fault; you had no idea.)
· Someone threw a pie at Ann Coulter (Not a delicious homemade one, but still.)
· Ashlee Simpson got busted lip-syncing on SNL (Speaking of: you can almost bet they're working on a skit about you right now. Actually, don't bet: it might violate your parole)
· Halloween (We know. We know. Cry it out.)
· Bush won a second term
· Tara Reid flashed her breast
· O.D.B. died
· Star Jones got married (Definitely send a gift basket. Two, maybe.)
· America fell in love with Jonathan Cheban, super publicist (He probably already messengered over a packet of clips and some free shirts.)
· Thanksgiving (Okay. It's gonna be okay, Martha.)
· Julia Roberts birthed her litter
· Cathy got married to Irving!
· Pale Male was briefly evicted
· Screen caps of Vincent Gallo's penis finally made it to the internet (You remember what a penis looks like, don't you?)
· Natasha Lyonne had some troubles
· Susan Sontag died
· Christmas (There, there.)
· Cheban made way for Americans newest, bestest sweetheart: Amanda Tree (Call her immediately: She can help with the dogs and be a great sidekick on your show. We're dead serious.)
· Mini Me peed on cable TV
· Prince Harry kinda wore a swastika to a party. But he felt bad about it.
· Johnny Carson died
· Cheban muscled his way back into America's heart
· Hipsters cashed in
· The Man started going after Michael Jackson in earnest
· Arthur Miller died
· Valentine's Day (Oh, Martha.)
· Britney and Kevin had a classy honeymoon
· Paris Hilton got hacked
· The Oscars (We TiVo'd it for you.)
· Samuel Gosling pushed Cheban and Tree aside to become America's newest new sweetheart
· Mediabistro launched FishBowlNY! (Martha, stop with the crying.)
· Denise Richards dumped Charlie Sheen

So, there ya go, Martha. You're all caught up. You're welcome.