box-office

Monday Morning Box Office: Kong Clings For Life, Swats Pesky Narnia Biplanes

Seth Abramovitch · 12/27/05 12:11PM

What better way to celebrate Christ's Nativity than an evening at the Arclight, whose very name evokes son-of-God virgin birth? Behold, as we lift the miracle holiday weekend numbers to the starry sky, and three wise men look on approvingly (no, not Spielberg, Katzenberg and Geffen; Munich doesn't go into wide release until Jan. 6).

Monday Morning Box Office: Kong'd

mark · 12/19/05 10:37AM

Take refuge in the box office numbers, knowing that there are a mere five days (or fewer) days between you and the sweet, sweet release of the holidays.

King Kong A "Little Monkey" On Opening Day

mark · 12/15/05 08:07PM

King Kong, the box office's presumptive simian savior, opened yesterday to just $9.8 million (soon-to-be universally known trivia: this was just the 21st best Wednesday bow on record), and if you're anything like us, you completely forgot that the movie's already been released until you read a story about the disappointing take. Confronted with the low first-day number, Universal's head of distribution displayed a breezy confidence in her studio's product:

The Projectionist: The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe Full Of Cash

mark · 12/09/05 05:52PM

It's been a couple of weeks since we've hurled the crystal ball against the wall and "read" the shards by crushing them between our palms (sometimes we wish we hadn't thrown out the instruction manual), so serve the right to be even more inaccurate than usual in these amazing weekend box office predictions:

The LA Times Discovers Hollywood's Savior

mark · 11/28/05 02:06PM

By now, we hope that most people realize that this year's box office "slump" was mostly caused by a flood of shitty movies. (We hate to keep bringin up Stealth, but hey, we didn't greenlight Short Circuit On A Plane.) Previously, the LAT has made a fun little game of making execs admit to their 2005 bombs, but today they try to pick the brains of some disaffected moviegoers, and in their effort seem to have stumbled across Hollywood's Chosen One:

Monday Morning Box Office: Harry Potter Saves Thanksgiving

mark · 11/28/05 09:17AM

Since we didn't get a chance to do the weekend projections on Friday, we're unburdened of our usual crippling feelings of failure and inadequacy on this Monday morning. Enjoy these numbers, free of the usual baggage of our expectations:

Monday Morning Box Office: Harry Potter Gets Dark

mark · 11/21/05 10:49AM

Just because this is only a three-day week doesn't mean you only get sixty percent of your usual joy in the box office results. In the spirit of the coming holiday, take your full bliss from the numbers:

The Projectionist: Harry Potter Resurrects The Box Office

mark · 11/18/05 04:37PM

Has the effort of dragging your shackles over to the office water cooler given you case of the Gloomy Friday Afternoons? Then you need to spend some time thinking about how much richer this weekend's movies are going to make your bosses:

The Projectionist: More Chicken

mark · 11/11/05 06:00PM

We have no idea why, but we're feeling a little cocky about this weekend's box office predictions. Refinance your mortgage, let it all ride on these amazingly accurate numbers, and in the unlikely event that we're wrong, we'll let you crash on Nick Denton's couch until you get back on your feet.

Monday Morning Box Office: Chicken Bigger Than We Thought

mark · 11/07/05 10:01AM

Monday mornings are hard enough without waking up to discover that God Himself purchased almost $20 million in movie tickets, just to mess with what should have been some alarmingly accurate box office projections.

The Projectionist: Zorro the Old Blade

Seth Abramovitch · 10/28/05 03:47PM

We're sensing a strong female presence just north of your head. We're getting a B name...I mean L...C? Yes that's what we meant, a C. Carol. Carla? Catherine! Yes of course, Catherine! She's pointing to an object, it's a ring! A bicycle? A mask! Yes, a mask and she's telling you everything will be all right...she's proud of you...and that these are the weekend grosses:

Monday Morning Box Office: Doomsday A Little More Blah Than Expected

mark · 10/24/05 10:40AM

Our introductions to these Monday morning box office numbers tend to be bleak, recognizing that no one likes to think about how much of the work week stretches ahead of us like a half-mile gauntlet populated by Satan's most talented tormentors, whose infernal mission is to drag us behind a chariot of hellfire....whatever. See, kinda dark. So let's instead envision the next five days as a prolonged nap in a basket full of warm laundry, snuggled up with some Care Bears, and, perhaps, a baby unicorn, whose downy horn-nub is so good at kneading out knotted muscles. We feel better about things already. This is gonna be such a great week, gang!

The Projectionist: Time To Blow Some Shit Up

mark · 10/21/05 02:59PM

Join us as we sacrifice our finest animal and run our greedy fingers through its entrails, hoping that our careful examination of the steamy guts helps us unlock the mysteries of this weekend's box office results:

Monday Morning Box Office: Foggy Bottom

mark · 10/17/05 10:19AM

Yes, it's Monday morning, and you're fighting the feeling that plunging your letter opener deep into your heart would be much less painful than the week ahead. Drown out the self-annihilating chatter with the weekend's box office numbers: