This image was lost some time after publication, but you can still view it here.

Our introductions to these Monday morning box office numbers tend to be bleak, recognizing that no one likes to think about how much of the work week stretches ahead of us like a half-mile gauntlet populated by Satan's most talented tormentors, whose infernal mission is to drag us behind a chariot of hellfire....whatever. See, kinda dark. So let's instead envision the next five days as a prolonged nap in a basket full of warm laundry, snuggled up with some Care Bears, and, perhaps, a baby unicorn, whose downy horn-nub is so good at kneading out knotted muscles. We feel better about things already. This is gonna be such a great week, gang!

1. Doom—$15.4 million
On Friday, we mused about whether or not The Rock could be more "darling." Yes, the Rock is obviously the star of Doom, but when we wrote that line we were actually thinking about Vin Diesel. We apologize for the mix-up. The Rock is only somewhat adorable, less so after a disappointing opening weekend.

2. Dreamer: Inspired By A True Story—$9.3 million
Even at such a young age, Dakota Fanning is a master of her craft. Realizing that her character would need to maintain a slight mental edge against her father, Fanning made sure that movie dad Kurt Russell knew that off-camera eye contact was completely unacceptable, and would occasionally leave notes reminding her co-star that "horse movies are cute for 11 year-olds, sad for men pushing 60." You can't argue with the on-screen results.

3. Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit—$8.7 million
4. The Fog—$7.3 million
Let's see...we've accused Wallace of conspicuous bachelorhood, called The Fog's promotional art a "vagina of fear"...yeah, that about covers it until they slip out of the top five.

5. North Country—$6.5 million
America has spoken: Time to take a shower, Charlize. We like you better when you're clean and pretty.