Monday Morning Box Office: March Of The Chickens
Sorry about that irrational exuberance about the accuracy of the weekend's projections. The boss's couch is quite comfortable, and he's expecting you shortly.
1. Chicken Little—$32 million
Always the consummate professional, Zach Braff spent months preparing for his role as the title character by wearing goofy eyeglasses to local cockfights.
(Why are we so angry at Braff lately? We hope our therapist helps us come up with something better than "because he had sex with Natalie Portman and Mandy Moore." We'd like to think we're not that petty.)
2. Zathura—$14 million
The Hollywood Reporter called Zathura "a family film that even childless adults can enjoy." Apparently, even barren adults felt stupid and self-conscious trying to say the movie's unpronounceable title.
3. Derailed—$12.8 million
Because we are nothing if not fair, we've promised ourselves that we're going to wait as longs as it takes for Jennifer Aniston to star in a good film* before declaring that she's never going to have much of a movie career.
4. Get Rich or Die Tryin' —$12.5 million
Be grateful that theater shootings are believed to depress box office results. If the studios suddenly discovered that offing the occasional ticket buyer boosted an opening weekend, you'd be eating a bullet the second you hand over your ten dollars.
5. Jarhead—$12.3 million
We saw Jarhead last weekend and liked it, and yet it always comes back to Jake Gyllenhaal's junk in that Santa hat. Some cinematic images are too overpowering for their own good.
[*OK, Office Space and Leprechaun were good, but what has she done for us lately?]