The Projectionist: Little Monkey's Big Weekend
We're dangerouly close to intravenous margarita time, but on a big weekend like this, we couldn't sit out another round of unfailingly accurate predictions.
1. King Kong—$298 million
On Wednesday, Kong pulled down about $9.8 million, prompting many to light their hair on fire, run out into the street, and declare the end of society as we know it. Yesterday, Kong did just $6.295 million, so the only appropriate response is to storm the Universal lot and use any remaining flame from yesterday's scalped-based immolations to burn the entire thing to the ground. While any sane person would look at the previous two days' results and project that Kong will fail to set any opening weekend records, we've happily gulped the hype Kool-Aid (we really liked the movie, and execs at Uni have paid us an ungodly sum not to speculate that people there are ready to leap to their deaths over the early numbers), and predict a totally boffo weekend at the b.o. Kong 4 Eva!
2. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe—$35 million
Disney's marketing vultures are circling the Kong carcass and rushing a series of commercials to the airwaves centered around a catchy slogan: "The Big Monkey Is A Bomb! Spend Your Weekend With The Jesus Lion!'
3. The Family Stone—$8 million
We already know all about Sarah Jessica Parker, but until someone informs us about how similar or dissimilar co-stars Diane Keaton, Claire Danes, and Rachel McAdams are to their characters in the movie, we can't risk buying a ticket.
4. Syriana—$7 million
To be honest, we know that this isn't really his "thing," but Matt Damon really could've done a little more agonized scenery-chewing after he suffers that terrible tragedy. After all, this is the movie in which Fat Clooney (if you haven't heard, he put on a couple of pounds of beard for the role) is graphically tortured, and a guy's gotta do what he's gotta do to remind people he's still on the screen.
5. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire—$6 million
Kong only did $6.295 million on its second day? No shit?