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We have no idea why, but we're feeling a little cocky about this weekend's box office predictions. Refinance your mortgage, let it all ride on these amazingly accurate numbers, and in the unlikely event that we're wrong, we'll let you crash on Nick Denton's couch until you get back on your feet.

1. Chicken Little—$25 million
There we stood in the lobby of our local multiplex, admiring a poster for an upcoming holiday blockbuster, when we watched a father and his son emerge from a Chicken Little screening and overheard, "Daddy, why can't a big corporation like Disney afford better voice talent than the mildly retarded doctor from Scrubs?" The father tousled his son's hair, shook his head, and answered, "I don't know, Billy. I just don't know."

2. Zathura—$20 million
Sony is so acutely aware of the marketing challenge posed by the movie's unpronounceable title (why couldn't the guy who wrote the book have called it Adventures Of The Flying Space House?) that they commissioned an entire Apprentice episode around their frustrations. They forced the show's contestants to say the title over and over again, build floats celebrating the name, and they still couldn't pronounce it properly. We're subtracting $2 million from this projection each time we hear someone call it Zarthootie or Zarathustra.

3. Get Rich or Die Tryin' —$15 million
Some might worry that the Wednesday nights's allegedly GRODT-related shooting might scare away moviegoers afraid of, you know, dying in a pool of blood in front of the concession stand. But consider this: Dreamer's had a pretty nice run, despite the riot that broke out at the premiere following Dakota Fanning's near-fatal stabbing of an usher who told her to keep her saddle shoes off the seat in front of her.

4. Jarhead—$14 million
Fearing being typecast by his buzzed-about Jarhead role, Jake Gyllenhaal instructed his agent to put out the word that the star would refuse all work which would require him to stuff his genitals into seasonal headwear.

5. Derailed—$13 million
The reviews are in, and nine out of ten critics agree: Jennifer Aniston is almost certainly dating Vince Vaughn and is completely over her failed marriage to Brad Pitt.