On Monday, we linked to cockeyed.com's list of anticipated terror attacks. As they put it, "The report from the 911 Commission cited a 'lack of imagination' as a reason that the World Trade Center hijackattack was not averted." Eager to help, we presented a few possibilities they may have missed yesterday.
DailyCandy pauses from its usual mission of apprising the public of the best poodle-friendly boutique offering an edible pedicure while shopping for twice-worn couture to deliver its occasional "Lexicon" feature, in which the Candies pass along fake words (fauxlogisms, if we may be so bold) that no one has ever uttered:
1. "A man who arranged to meet a 'woman' for oral sex in an Upper East Side apartment got more than he bargained for first, the hooker turned out to be a man, then 'she' stabbed him, and finally, 'her' roommate sprayed him with Mace, police said."
2. They met online in a chat room.
3. "She" was 18 and living in an illegal sublet.
4. The tranny was paid $100 by the man, 37-year-old Glenn McDowell, for a blow-job.
5. It was 3:30 in the afternoon. On a Tuesday.
6. When the tranny refused to have sex with him, McDowell turned vaguely "violent."
7. Stabbing! Mace! Fluids!
8. The tranny and "her" roommate "looked like two fat girls. You wouldn't be able to tell if either of them was a man."
Internet Posting Says Nick and Jessica's Marriage, America's Favorite Sham, Has Been Wounded
We're sorry to be the ones to tell you this, but... Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, they of MTV Newlyweds fame, have filed for divorce. Tour of Duty, indeed.
Congratulations to Hasidic reggae superstar Matisyahu, probably the only rapper who respects the Sabbath (even if it's the wrong one), who's next album will be released by Epic Records And he's guesting on the new P.O.D. album(!) — Jews haven't been this hot since the reign of King Nebuchadnezzar (oh, I kill me). Matisyahu's last album made it to #2 on the Billboard Reggae charts, but he does control the media, so no surprises there. -AP
· Aren't you due for your Norwegian electronica fix? Thought so. Tonight Kim Hiorth y brings his dreamy, organic beats to APT; you bring your sticky, overpriced drugs. [flavorpill]
· The 39th Annual Cooper Union "End of the Year Show" kicks off tonight at The Foundation Building. With all the creative minds at work over there you'd think they'd be able to come up with a better title than "End of the Year Show," but go figure. [Cooper]
· Pulitzer Prize winner and former New York Times executive editor Joseph Lelyveld and writer/attorney Michael Rips take part in a discussion on, of all things, Omaha, Nebraska. Apparently there's a stuff West of the Hudson. [Housing Works]
Yesterday, in the interests of full preparedness, we linked to this list of hypothetical terrorist plans and targets. We must remain vigilant and watchful, after all. The list is far-reaching, covering everything from "Terrorists might send pretzels to the president" to "Terrorists might hijack a Sausage & Cheese cart and slowly destroy the economy of the mall" to the truly terrifying "Terrorists might poison the supply of methamphetamines in the US." Unfortunately, no list of this nature can ever be truly complete. We've thought of a few they missed, and present them here in the hopes that these tragedies may be avoided.
Yesterday, the MTA burned down all the token booths and set their agents loose in the wild to fend for themselves, with only wits and smart red jackets about them. They were ostensibly on hand to help use MetroCard machines, give directions, dispense folksy wisdom, and distribute copies of Radar to riders. The ever-watchful New York press put their best reporters on the case, ensuring that all the "customer assistance agents" spent the majority of their first days answering fake questions from journalists. The Post and the Times have more or less the same story, but some interesting discrepancies become apparent upon close inspection. Here's the Post on looking for help in Herald Square:
· Tom Cruise is so in love with Katie Holmes that he's talking about buying marrying her; when Oprah asked him how the two met, however, he stammered. Strange — he doesn't usually have trouble passing the buck to his manager. [Page Six]
· Eminem goes after the Olsen twins; in the interest of a fair fight, perhaps the rapper should chose targets who won't snap in half when trying to fight back. [Scoop]
· Ex-boyfriend Wilmer Valderrama allegedly raids the guest list for Lindsay Lohan's SNL after-party, taking her guests to his competing gathering. Will Nicole Richie remain loyal? And for how long? [R&M (2nd item)]
· It's official: Lloyd Grove is totally obsessed with Lil' Kim's every move. That's what ignoring Paris Hilton gets you. [Lowdown]
Kylie Minogue is diagnosed with breast cancer and — just in time to fill her karmic absence and thus complete the circle of life — THE SPICE GIRLS REUNITE. (Just like the video for "Lightning Crashes!) Even Ginger Spice Geri Halliwell has signed on for their reunion tour, agreeing to eat just enough so that Posh Spice Victoria Beckham remains "the skinny one." While the girls aren't developing any new material (they'll make enough off of rehashing their old stuff to pay off those nasty credit cards), a "best of" album is in the works, meaning that a whole new generation of young girls will learn the joys of zig-a-zag-ah. Is it just me, or is the sun suddenly shining a bit more brightly?
This is the closest you'll ever get to Nicole Kidman.
The pain in Corcoran's ass sure is nice, isn't it? After failing to sell his Soho penthouse for $17 million in 2002, bachelor/rock star Lenny Kravitz "rented" the pad out to Nicole Kidman for a bit. The loft went back on the market a year or so ago at $13.95 million but, since last July, the price has dropped to a more palatable $12.95 million. Wait another 10 years, and the price might fall below the 8-figure mark — assuming, of course, that by then Kravitz hasn't just given away the damn thing.
Returning (yet again) to the Sunday NYT's unofficial Hollywood issue...Maybe we're just seeing what we want to see, but are these twin, prone images of writers John "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle" August and Gigi "Stepmom" Grazer trying to tell us something? Something like, "Gay or straight, man or woman, on a bench or in the grass, Hollywood is looming just out of the frame, turgid member in hand, ready to have its sweaty way with you."
You kids with your celebrities and your general-interest magazines, I think you could all use a little more civic involvement. How many of you know there's a war going on? Did you vote in the primaries? When the hell are the primaries? Let's catch up on local politics, shall we?
