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Internet Posting Says Nick and Jessica's Marriage, America's Favorite Sham, Has Been Wounded

NEW YORK, May 25 - An Internet statement posted in the name of a New York-based militant gossip blog said Tuesday that America's most favorite celebrity couple, Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, had divorced "for the sake of God," a term commonly used by militants to refer to marital wounds sustained at the hands of American stunt comedians.

The statement gave no details of the split or how it was inflicted, but it appealed to all television viewers to pray for the "speedy recovery" of their marriage, which has claimed responsibility for scores of television specials, suicide bombings, hit singles, ambushes, drive-by assassinations and hostage killings, and attracted an American bounty of $25 million. Last week, a statement issued in its name on the same Web site justified the killing of civilians in the course of a celebrity marriage, saying it was "necessary if you must kill them to get at the enemy. Karma, baby!"

The Web posting, whose authenticity could not be confirmed, came as a series of insurgent attacks killed nine American troops across Iraq on Monday and Tuesday, bringing the three-day total of dead American servicemen to 14. -AP

Internet Posting Says Zarqawi, America's Most Wanted Man in Iraq, Has Been Wounded [NYT]
Statement [E!]