Friday
· Brush up on your post-punk folklore with the nostalgic crowd at the Mission of Burma show. Be sure to shake your head sympathetically when listening to the kids discuss how vapid their life was until the band reunited. [Bowery Ballroom]
· Take a virtual safari (without the drugs) and check out Diana Thater's new video installation, which utilizes a month's worth of footage from a Panamanian rain forest. [David Zwirner Gallery]
Saturday
· If you've got the cash for Craigslist or are just willing to sell your soul, do your best to weasel into the sold-out show for the latest "it" band out of Montreal, The Dears. [Mercury Lounge]
· Celebrate the new year with the inaugural gathering of FAGapalooza, a monthly event which celebrates LGBT musicians. Performers tonight include Corinne Curcio and something called Swivel Chair. [TONY]
Sunday
· Monday is MLK day, which means you hopefully aren't working. Stay out all night tonight, and don't disappoint us with any inappropriate sobriety.

When Michael T., one of the madmen behind the notoriously insane Motherfucker parties, has a birthday party, you know it's worth checking out. Photographer Nikola Tamindzic documents the sweaty action at last night's party, populated by the infectious likes of Carlos D from Interpol and every downtown kid this side of Misshapes.

· Now that Macy's has settled a racial profiling complaint for $600k, people of color can once again shop at the department store without being instantly arrested. [NYT]
· Wedding beast Star Jones throws the gauntlet to her red carpet competition, Joan and Melissa Rivers, by refusing to do a group interview with the duo. We're hoping for bloodshed on the red carpet at the Golden Globes. [You Can't Make It Up]
· A rejected weapons plan from the Pentagon included an aphrodisiac bomb that would make enemy combatants "sexually irresistable" to each other. We think it's a fabulous idea. [New Scientist]
· Fischerspooner's Casey Spooner, Scissor Sisters' Jake Shearer, and REM's Michael Stipe give a radio interview; gay male insecurity follows. [Arjan Writes]
· Jennifer Aniston says she cannot live in the home she shares with Brad Pitt and, as such, will be staying with her hairdresser. [WWD]
· The best makeover of all, courtesy of the Queer Eye team: throwing out your ex's crap. [NYP]

We don't read political blogs (they never write about pretty things!), so we didn't notice that political blogger Daily Kos had a disclosure at the top of his site stating that he was working for the Dean presidential campaign. Today, the Wall Street Journal reports that Markos Zuniga Of Daily Kos and Jerome Armstrong of MyDD got paid $3k a month for four months of work with Dean s army:

Thanks to this week's advertisers, without whom we'd be cold and lonely...oh, wait. Well, we're still thanking them! Interested in joining the sponsorship party? More info here.

Remember when The Onion ran an 'article' called Mom Finds Out About Blog back in November 2003? No? Well, pretty much every blogger in the world wrote about it back then.

Remember when the Queer Eyes ran roughshod over popular culture, kicking down straight schlubs' doors and leaving a trail of hair product, wicker furniture, and gourmet appetizers in their wake? Looking at the State of Gays on TV, the only cultural barometer that matters, it's official: the gays are ice cold.

Japanese cooking competition show Iron Chef, which posesses an impenetrable, cultlike following amongst foodies and anyone with a decent bong, is trying to break the mainstream American market by expanding its franchise with another attempt at Iron Chef America. The team of Iron Chefs, who will "battle" challengers on a rotating basis, include some of New York's finest:

MTV Postpones the Debut of a Gay Channel [NYT]

Thanks to an article from the Post, we learned that nightlife jackanapes Noel Ashman has a running invite list of some 85k people for his events, and, thanks to our friends in Fannypack (whose new album drops in March, we hear), we now know that being on that list is akin to sawing your ears off with a rusty spoon. Fannypack member Fancy is on Ashman's golden list and, after receiving countless enthusiastic invites, he has kindly compiled an audio medley of the insistent messages left over the years by Ashman's phone slave. It has to be heard to be believed.

· Catch 'em before the backlash starts: the only respectable "journalists" out there, Jon Stewart and his Daily Show cronies, read from their bestselling America (The Book). The price is $36, but all proceeds go to nonprofit youth writing center 826NYC. [flavorpill]
· Indie rock fixtures Razorlight bring their garage sound to the Bowery Ballroom with The Features and local buzz-makers Asobi Seksu. [Oh My Rockness]
· Do you have a real kitchen? Lucky you. Now go be domestic and learn how to organize that space with advice from the National Association of Professional Organizers. Bringing photos of your crappy cupboards is encouraged. [TONY]

· The quote of the week from Fairchild Publications' newsletter: "Winning doesn't make you a better person, but being a better person will make you a winner." And magazine publishing comes from the heart, right?
· If the Brad and Jen breakup rumors are true, then let this be the first "documentary" footage of the couple's downfall. [Pace]
· Interpol bassist Carlos D graces the cover of Urb. Funny, we were certain he'd been quarantined by now. [Urb]
· There's some sort of news about publicists being unethical. Next up, fish learn to swim. [PR Week]
· If you have $100 and your apartment is starting to remind you of last month's stint in the pokey, spend a night at the Gramercy Park hotel before new owner Ian Schrager snorts it all up. Or just buy all of the old furniture. [Hotel Chatter & Curbed]
· Queer Eye's interior decorating queen Thom Filicia dissed Pier 1 until they paid him to shut up and smile for the cameras. [Planet Bret]

Lest you think Glamour never makes a mistake, they've included this helpful correction on their letters page:

Last night FORD Models held their annual "Supermodel of the World" fashion show to pick three lucky girls who skipped the indignity of a reality tv show to get cash prizes and modeling contracts. Gawker's Andrew Krucoff and photographer Nikola Tamindzic missed the runway show, arrived late to the party (even had problems attempting to get into CO-ED mag's launch party around the corner!), but manage to salvage the evening with these photos of hot hangers-on.

Click each image to enlarge, pervs.

We were momentarily upset by the insensitivity reflected in Star magazine's online graphic but, once we read the article, we were hit with a tidal wave of emotion. It seems things are not improving for our favorite figurines, the Olsen twins:

The new issue of our nation's finest piece of journalism, The National Enquirer, was practically begging for our attention. Obviously, anytime we see a rag screaming "WHO'S GAY" on the front page, we're sold. And, aside from the obvious celebrity lesbians like Cynthia Nixon and Sara Gilbert, the Enquirer makes some stunning revelations in their quest to "out" practically everyone on earth:

For the low, low price of $1,200, a limo ride, and the cost of the drugs required to make you think you're going to the Oscars, you too can attend the SAG Awards:

The Guardian is reporting that The Heavenly States, a California indie rock band, will be the first American music act to play in the newly opened (though still charmingly roguish) nation of Libya.

Sightings are sent in by readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com.