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Thanks to an article from the Post, we learned that nightlife jackanapes Noel Ashman has a running invite list of some 85k people for his events, and, thanks to our friends in Fannypack (whose new album drops in March, we hear), we now know that being on that list is akin to sawing your ears off with a rusty spoon. Fannypack member Fancy is on Ashman's golden list and, after receiving countless enthusiastic invites, he has kindly compiled an audio medley of the insistent messages left over the years by Ashman's phone slave. It has to be heard to be believed.

The audio file is available here for your listening pleasure. Be sure to turn up your speakers; this is the sound of hipness gone terribly, terribly wrong.