This oddly endearing casting call comes courtesy of Craig's List:

· This just in: northern neighbors the Arcade Fire have officially stolen the mantle of most hyped band, like, ever, from quirky Scots Franz Ferdinand. They play at Webster Hall tonight for those fortunate enough to have tickets. [Bowery Presents]
· "Have you ever felt the delicious thrill of lying across a lover's lap and getting spanked good and hard?" asks Rachel Kramer Bussel, editor of Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z. Evidently, Jonathan Ames has—he reads from Ms. Bussel's anthology tonight at Toys in Babeland. [TiB]
· La La La Human Steps, at the BAM Opera House, is a choreographed dance performance set to re-worked Velvet Underground songs. It also sounds like a porno: "The women, sparkling with kinetic intelligence, dance on pointe, their legs slicing, stabbing, and defining the space. The men, daring and equally intense, spin and dip their partners with thrilling precision." Just reading that has got us all hot and bothered. [flavorpill]

Our downy new baby sister Lifehacker points us towards yet another Google beta site called "Google Suggest" that reads your mind. Freaky!

Sightings are sent in by readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

A Times correction we actually care about:

Maybe it's a little early in the day for a To-Do style item, but this one is special. Tonight is the launch of the new inscrutably-titled AKA magazine, and the opening (held at Saks) will feature the designs of Jhane Barnes as modeled by "Uptown 'It' Boy" Fabian Basabe, rugged author Jay McInerney, and the Post's Jared Paul Stern. Don't believe us? Does this event seem simply too amazing to be true? Click the image to enlarge and check out the evite in all its absurd glory; in the meantime, we'll be spending our day fantasizing about the sashays of these hot, sweaty (yet culturally significant!) males.

· ...'Cause a Snoop Dogg party might get you raped. Proving he's got more street cred than you could dream of, rapper Snoop Dogg has been hit with a $25 million lawsuit by a makeup artist who claims she was drugged and gang-raped by Snoop and friends. [NYDN]
· After Lotus co-owner Jeffrey Jah tattled to a Brazilian magazine about the bad behavior of certain celebrity clients, his business partners are considering forcing out Jah. Which is a good idea, of course, because this man is clearly an idiot. And we'd be remiss if we didn't mention that Australian party boy Ben Widdicombe broke this over the weekend, but what's Page Six without a little rehash here and there? [Page Six]
· Lara Flynn Boyle gave a rousing performance on a recent British Airways flight, flashing her breasts to the crew and trying to crawl into bed with a complete stranger. [Scoop]
· Actors Orlando Bloom and Kate Bosworth have ended their 2-year romance. We're sure Angelina Jolie had a hand in this. [R&M (2nd item)]
· Wrestler-cum-action hero The Rock tells Playboy, "I loved 'Spider-Man,' but I'm not too sure Tobey Maguire could kick a lot of people's asses." Maybe not, but his girlfriend's dad certainly could. [Page Six]
· Kwame Jackson, the 2nd place finisher on the first season of The Apprentice, was not invited to Trump's Mar-a-Lago nuptials. Apparently, runners-up are still losers. [Lowdown (last item)]

For two of Hollywood's celebrated young actors, there's nowhere left to go besides retirement or suicide:

· Calling all film geeks: NY Times senior film critic A.O. Scott, Sundance muckracker Peter Biskind, Times Hollywood correspondent Sharon Waxman, and other industry movers and shakers participate in a discussion on the current state of independent cinema at NYU's Kimmel Center tonight. [Nation]
· Voyeurs take the stage: "Verbatim Verboten," in which actors perform illicitly recorded, embarrasing conversations between famous people (anyone from Rudy Giuliani to Britney Spears to Enron execs), makes its New York debut at Fez tonight. And yes, this is the same show that once enacted a crumbling-marriage breakup conversation between Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, much to the chagrin of the former's attorneys. [Fez]
· Evidently, that guy from Meet the Fockers, Hide and Seek, and that annoying American Express commerical—De Niro or something—used to make movies that weren't half bad. Who knew? If you don't believe us, check out his 80's epic, Raging Bull, which plays at the Clearview Ziegfeld tonight. [TONY]

We hear there's some big sporting event next weekend, in which all alpha-males will sit around with domestic beers and stare, for hours on end, at other sweaty alpha-males wearing tight pants. They call this strange phenomenon the Bowl of Super, and it is very, very heterosexual. While we love us some sweaty beefcakes, we tend to lack the attention span for this strange ritual and prefer to focus on the commercials, which are usually entertaining in their crude lameness. Unfortunately, the one Superbowl commercial that might have made us genuinely smile, in which Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction is explained through the magic of Bud Light, will not air during the Fox broadcast. Why not? Because, despite the fact that the ad is painfully tame, the boys at Bud Light are frozen with the fear of indecency fines. Awesome, right? It's like Michael Powell is smiling down on us all from resignation heaven.

Moments ago, Universal Studios circulated a memo to all of its local employees to prepare them for the possible appearance of picketers from the Casting Society of America. Batten down the hatches! Casting directors in angrily-worded sandwich boards are coming! Universal quite sensibly discourages any kind of vigilante justice from its employees (who are expected to work and to be on time during the possible crisis); rather than suggest that picketers momentarily blocking cars trying to enter the lot be sprayed with fire hoses or crushed under SUV wheels, impeded workers are urged to ignore the protestors and refrain from ramming their cars through any human speed-bumps. Of course, for every public show of restraint, there are probably matching secret internal directives from boss Stacey Snider urging that anyone carrying a picket sign be doused in napalm and instantly incinerated. The memo follows:

In a display of law-enforcement muscle, NYPD has arrested five suspects in the murder of (beautiful) Nicole DuFresne, who was shot during a botched robbery attempt early Friday morning. Officials are expected to comment during a press conference this afternoon, but police believe they have the gunman in custody.

In our continuing quest to provide you ever more distractions from your pressing responsibilities, Gawker Media proudly announces the launch of its two newest babies: Gridskipper, a sexy travel blog, and Lifehacker, a sexy software blog. Edited by sexy Gawker lackey Andrew Krucoff, Gridskipper is an urban travel site with attitude; the even sexier Kinja princess Gina Trapani helms Lifehacker, which serves a smart guide to better living through technology. Did we mention that both sites are very, very sexy? 'Cause they are.

OMG! BFF!!!

Because you should always be aware of what awaits in the borough real estate market, Brownstoner reports on a weekend showing of a stunning Boerum Hill townhouse:

· In the wake of Sundance, the reports flood in: Keanu Reeves won't take freebies, Tobey Maguire is "bloated," celebs get denied entry at the United Talent Agency party, Haylie Duff is inexplicably headed to Harvard, Shannen Doherty is shopping around a Sex and the City knockoff, and everyone hates Paris Hilton. [ELK]
· Oh, and Minnie Driver's people called ahead to assess the worth of potential gift bags. $6k in swag was apparently not enough to lure Driver to the freebie tents. [Gatecrasher]
· Kevin Federline, official Baby-Daddy and husband of Britney Spears, is getting a "metrosexual makeover" for a Details photo shoot. Having abandoned his bedazzled "pimp" jumpsuit, Federline will also appear in the April issue of L'Uomo Vogue. [Page Six]
· Tara Reid is still looking for Mr. Right and has enlisted the help of daytime lesbian guru Ellen DeGeneres. Send in a 60-second tape to DeGeneres and you might have a chance with Reid—do it now, before she wins that Oscar and becomes way too famous for this crap. [R&M (3rd item)]
· Further insight into Madonna's ties with the Kabbalah Centre reveals not only a penchant for pretentious British spelling habits, but that students eat off plastic while Madonna enjoys the luxury of real plates and silverware. [Page Six]
· Breaking news from Lloyd Grove! Celebrity poker is hot. We'll let this "scoop" slide, as it's Lloyd's birthday week. [Lowdown]

· Because you just can't keep a gay man away from the theater, Queer Eye's Jai Rodriguez will be taking his musical autobiography Xposed to the stage. "It's like the US Weekly version of my life," he says. [NYDN]
· We've seen a lot of silly takes on the Aniston-Pitt breakup, but this might take the cake. Then again, anything set to the soul-stirring music of Usher takes our breath away. [Liquid Generation]
· Star Jones continues to terrify anyone who still dares to watch The View by announcing her desire for a breast lift. Her rationale? Husband Al "cares about boobs." Yeah, we bet he does. [NYP]
· Charlize Theron and Stuart Townsend make out on the beach...topless. [goldenfiddle]
· And, at the other end of the spectrum, it's unflattering celebrity pictures from Sundance! [Amy's Robot]

Friday:
· Barcelona-based blogger/DJ Jace Clayton, also known as DJ Rupture, makes a stateside appearance at Rothko tonight. The reason? If you were thinking "to raise money for the Tsunami relief cause, of course," you'd be right. [TigerBeat]
· Dale Peck and Rick Moody co-host the "O. Henry Prize for Short Stories 2005" party tonight at Barnes and Noble on Sixth Avenue. Just kidding. But Mr. Peck is scheduled to appear, along with editor Laura Furman. [Paper]
Saturday:
· Former NYU student and current DFA associate Tim Sweeney takes over the turntables at the Asterisk Art Project dance party. Sounds cool, but will you brave the cold for the trek to Brooklyn? [Upcoming]
· The name of the website—Precision Accidents—says it all: drunk idiots yoked to shopping carts race through Brooklyn and Manhattan in order to win cash prizes (our favorite disclaimer: "The Musher may ride in the cart, but this is dangerous and not recommended.") We're as excited about this year's Idiotarod as you are. [Precision Accidents]
· Kids are so pesky and annoying. Keep them entertained and occupied at the Museum of Television and Radio's all-day Animation Festival. Just don't let them play with the stoners. [MTR]
Sunday:
· Isn't that Super Bowl thingy on today? Oh, that's next week? Well, in that case, go see Alone in the Dark. You know you wanna.

In what is either a bid for official mogul-hood or the dumbest move they could ever make, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen have assumed full control over their company, Dualstar Entertainment, by buying out CEO Robert Thorne. In a prepared statement, the Olsens expressed their enthusiasm at increasing their responsibilities as co-CEOs (they're taking Econ 101 and an introductory finance class, you know). Thorne, who has run Dualstar for the past 15 years (since the girls were, um, three years old), received a handsome financial reward for steering the twins on a billion-dollar path to fame, addiction, and personal hell.
Mary-Kate & Ashley Take Over [E! via Yahoo]

Last night was the much-hyped, highly-anticipated, critically-acclaimed debut of ABC's InStyle Celebrity Weddings special...and we missed it, mainly because we prefer to slit our wrists in darkness, away from the television's soft glow. Thankfully, Gawker Special Correspondent Rachel was available to subject herself to the viewing on our behalf, if only to report on the appearance of Star Jones and Al Reynolds. After the jump, Rachel analyzes Star and Al's segment as part of our continuing coverage of the 2005 Race from the Altar.