Names our inbox tells us are out at ICM following the Ed Limato Defenstration: DJ Talbot, Matt Eskander, and Richard Konigsberg. Developing as others are cast out of Century City windows either voluntarily or involuntarily.

Sad news, indeed: Ed Limato, fierce protector of disgraced movie stars and legendary thrower of extravagant Oscar pre-parties, and longtime agency partner ICM have begun the painful, messy process of ending their relationship of nearly two decades. Reports DHD's Nikki Finke on the announcement of the split she promises will be "a mess":

This must be an utterly exhausting day for David Beckham, the man sent by God to Los Angeles to punish it for its celebrity-worshipping sins. Earlier, his presence was required at a mass-fellating ceremony in Carson, an experience that would leave even the most formidably priapic of stars completely spent. Later, he was to be shuttled to Century City for a meeting with the evil agenting monolith he's chosen to represent his Hollywood interests, where a surprise reacharound by scores of his new best friends awaited. Reports the Defamer Special Correspondent on Can Someone Explain Why The Hell We're All Crammed Into This Fucking Stairwell on a 90-Degree Day?:

On the occasion of today's release of Variety's special "Philanthropy 2007: Hollywood Begrudgingly Gives Back" issue, several agencies have purchased full page ads celebrating the good works of their employees, whose generosity of spirit has somehow survived punishing hours toiling in the industry's leading evil factories.

Our sources have exclusively! revealed (because, quite frankly, who else would possibly give a shit about such information besides us?) that the overlords at evil agenting monolith CAA have given their underlings the day off tomorrow. Of course, even this most innocuous of news makes us anxious, as a darkened Death Star is even more terrifying than one teeming with the usual levels of obviously nefarious activity.

Phalanxes of assistants willing to kill or die for the satiation of their employer's iPhone lust have already marched on our city's Apple stores, hoping that a triumphant return to the office with the shiny treasure will earn them a slightly less intense late-afternoon lashing. A Defamer operative posted at the Beverly Center has just submitted our first report from the battlefront, offering us the vicarious thrill of a glimpse into the shadowy and dangerous world of industry line-waiters:

The already ferocious industry competition for our city's scarce iPhone supply may have just become much fiercer with the addition an utterly ruthless player to the market: Sources tell us that CAA has dispatched* up to 10 assistants to infiltrate the camp outside of the Death Star-adjacent Apple store in the Century City mall, where the coveted device will be made available for purchase in a mere 21 hours.

While acquiring a stalker is generally a luxury afforded to Hollywood's A-list, occasionally a celebrity whose once-hot career has cooled manages to collect an unwanted admirer. Rarer still is when the overzealous fan comes from within the entertainment industry itself, where people are often too jaded by constant exposure to talent and too busy with their jobs to be bothered with the time-consuming task of collecting the personal relics (locks of hair, used cotton balls, third-grade report cards and what-have-you) necessary to build an acceptable shrine to the object of their obsession. However, today's NY Daily News Gatecrasher column claims that Little Black Book star Brittany Murphy has not only garnered a stalker of her own, but that he's the Hollywood insider kind:

According to THR ESQ, two professional dancers (one of whom goes by the catchy monikor "The Dance Doctor") are suing CAA, claiming that the evil agenting monolith took their treatment for a show called So You Think You Can Dance, packaged the concept with juggernaut, American Idol-producing clients Simon Fuller and Nigel Lythgoe, and sold the show to Fox without them, cutting the potential creators out of their share of the network's improbable hit with a curiously identical name and format. In the most controversial section of the complaint (excerpted above, and available in the story), the plaintiffs boldly call into question the widespread, and generally accepted, talent agency practice of "fucking people over"; should their suit eventually succeed, such an anti-fucking precedent could irreparably harm the ability of agencies to go about their crucial work, bringing the entire entertainment industry to a standstill.

· These are truly exciting times over at IndianaJones.com. Not only have they treated us to the first photos of Harrison Ford in a dusty fedora taken in nearly 20 years, they've now released exclusive footage of Steven Spielberg and George Lucas drinking champagne and staring at a monitor. (Also while wearing distinctive hats!) Who knows what special surprises the coming weeks will bring cyber-savvy Indy fans?
· Things that Barbara Walters considers "beneath her": interviewing Paris Hilton once she gets out of jail. Things that Barbara Walters is OK with: reading aloud on The View a transcription of a conversation she had with Paris Hilton about finding God while she was still in jail.
· Does no one have the heart to tell Renee Zellweger that boinking a CAA agent is so Hilary Swank in the summer of 2006? It's tragic, really.

In a full-page ad in today's Variety, Comerica Bank proudly announces the opening of its CAA Death Star branch, a long overdue amenity for any harried Creative Artists drone who found it terribly inconvenient to wander onto Avenue of the Stars to snatch the purses of unlucky pedestrians every time partner Bryan Lourd complained that his petty cash pocket felt "a little empty." While the branch will be open to the public, it will feature a set of services targeted towards drawing the agency's business: a ten percent fee will be deducted from all non-CAA ATM withdrawals and deposited into the company's corporate account, and the branch will feature a state-of-the-art, refrigerated vault, designed to keep all baby deposits fresh for up to a year, guaranteeing that their flesh will remain as tasty as the day they were first harvested from their Bugaboo strollers at the nearby Century City Mall.

This just in from the Defamer Special Correspondent on Things Currently Trapped in an Elevator Shaft at William Morris:

Buried deep within an item about how Clinton-positive mogul Harvey Weinstein tried to make Michael Moore remove an anti-Hillary scene from Sicko is Weinstein's shocking—and you will be shocked!—admission of a secret affair with Endeavor superagent Ari Emanuel, whom we are contractually obligated to mention—even three years into the series' run—is at least partially the basis for Jeremy Piven's Emmy-winning Entourage character. Reports Rush & Molloy:

Abandoning Paris Hilton at precisely the moment she needs the kinds of loyal Hollywood friends who can quickly package a project about her prison experience the most, Endeavor has announced that it's dumped the incarcerated heiress, reversing partner Ari Emanuel's recent policy of embracing the agency's unfairly persecuted friends. Expect evil-collecting rival CAA to show up to Hilton's next scheduled public visitation session with a bouquet of flowers and a cake concealing a stash of Adderall; even if they aren't sure what to do about her career once she's out of jail, we're sure they'll at least figure out a way to exploit the relationships she's forming with hardened felons, as there's always room on an agent's desk for someone who's handy with a shiv.

Late yesterday afternoon, we noted the plight of employees toiling in several CAA Death Star-adjacent office buildings, who have been suffering inhumane, air-conditioning-free working conditions since "construction workers" damaged a water line that feeds their climate-control systems. Today, our suspicion that the Century City-terrorizing agency is behind the ongoing outage deepens: We've received this obviously counterfeit flier supposedly from the "management" of 1900 Avenue of the Stars, an inept attempt to lure those whose mental faculties have been impaired by the sweltering heat of an uncooled office to their doom. We recommend that those in the affected buildings remain in the safety of their cubicles, avoiding at all costs the seemingly friendly, Armani-clad popsicle pushers on the Plaza level who will gut them the instant the opportunity presents itself. We only hope we're not too late.*

It's been eerily quiet in the area around 2000 Avenue of the Stars of late, a prolonged silence that seems to have neighbors a little paranoid that the CAA Death Star's outward inactivity is intended to mask the imminent unleashing of whatever sinister attack we know the evil agenting monolith is preparing within. (Couldn't they dump enormous vats of surplus baby blood into the nearby streets once in a while, just to break the tension?) Writes an operative, slicked with the sweat of fear:

· Despite Fox's attempts to boost the struggling On the Lot's fortunes by editing the show into a more compact, once-a-week, we-will-give-five-dollars-to-anyone- who-can-explain-what-the-fuck- is-going-on-at-any-given-moment format, the show draws just 3.1 million viewers in what we assume will be one of its last airings. We did, however, enjoy Michael Bay's guest judge appearance, during which he repeatedly shared his moviemaking philosophy of "get a good editor and cinematographer and they'll cover for your lack of talent," then seemed barely able to restrain himself from hitting on the director of his favorite film. [THR]
· Shadowy Hollywood Foreign Press puppetmaster Phillip Berk is replaced by five-time president Jorge Camara, who assumes the important tasks of coordinating his organization's locust-like decimation of the industry's free buffets and the handing out of meaningless awards to shitfaced actors. [Variety]
· The Agent Dance Mini Edition: UTA poaches agent Sarah Clossey from Paradigm, potentially absorbing a middling client list that includes Amanda Peet's Shouty NBS Boss and The One Jim Could Never Love As Much As Pam. [THR]
· Peter O'Toole joins the cast of Showtime's The Tudors for seven episodes as Pope Paul III, a performance that's preemptively been nominated for an Emmy. [Variety]
· Judd Apatow Comedy HegemonyWatch: The Apatow-produced, Seth Rogen-starring Pineapple Express is given a summer '08 release date following the success of Knocked Up. [Variety]

After fifteen decreasingly entertaining seasons of Entourage, there is hardly a premium cable subscriber in America unaware that the character of Ari Gold, memorably portrayed by Emmy-winning Matsuhisa pariah Jeremy Piven, was inspired by Endeavor superagent Ari Emanuel. (Fun fact: Gold's "Hug it out, bitch" catchphrase was adapted from Emanuel's far less succinct, "I will fuck your skull until your head explodes, toss your body in a dumpster behind the CPK, then maybe send a nice muffin basket to your widow to show there's no hard feelings.") In today's Gatecrasher column, the NY Daily News' Ben Widdicombe induces an anonymous former Endeavor employee to explain how watching his fictional doppleganger's amusing antics has affected the behavior of the genuine Ari article:

During the entirety of the ugly affair that saw Alec Baldwin so desperate to repair his voicemail-damaged image that he publicly mused about quitting 30 Rock and willingly ran through The View's confessional gauntlet, we were never more worried about his well-being than when he unexpectedly fired CAA, a move that indicated he'd hit rock bottom with such force that he no longer feared the chilling consequences that inevitably follow any attempt by an earner to jilt the evil agenting monolith. This afternoon, however, it seems that Baldwin is pulling out of his tailspin, as Variety reports that he's back with CAA after a month-long cooling-off period. "I could not imagine being represented by anyone other than Matt DelPiano," said Baldwin through a rep, showing that the actor is finally emotionally healthy enough to realize that CAA wasn't kidding around when it left all those notes underneath his windshield wiper reading, "If you so much as take a lunch with William Morris, you'll wake up with Billy's severed head on your pillow tomorrow."

Writers House agent Dan Lazar takes issue with the characterization of his client Douglas Brown, pictured here explaining porn to readers of the Denver Post, as the author of a "stunt book." Dan told Publishers Marketplace that Doug's 'I had sex with my wife for 100 consecutive days' memoir has been misjudged based on "the two salacious paragraphs of a 60 page proposal that the editors already know is really about marriage and falling madly in love with your spouse again, even after years together." Aww. But! Why did Dan only go out with 60 pages when a full manuscript exists? In fact, we hear we hear that another agent signed Doug a couple years ago based on the concept. And then he finished the manuscript and she let him go. Heh.