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This must be an utterly exhausting day for David Beckham, the man sent by God to Los Angeles to punish it for its celebrity-worshipping sins. Earlier, his presence was required at a mass-fellating ceremony in Carson, an experience that would leave even the most formidably priapic of stars completely spent. Later, he was to be shuttled to Century City for a meeting with the evil agenting monolith he's chosen to represent his Hollywood interests, where a surprise reacharound by scores of his new best friends awaited. Reports the Defamer Special Correspondent on Can Someone Explain Why The Hell We're All Crammed Into This Fucking Stairwell on a 90-Degree Day?:

2:17 pm: Ordered to love David Beckham: He'll be here [at CAA] by the time you post this and we are all (as directed by a company-wide email) supposed to crowd the stairwells (floors 2-8) to give him the royal welcome.

I couldn't even tell you what team he'll be playing on but we have orders to show the love.

2:30 pm: So we're all in the stairwell as ordered. And then news comes in that he's running late to Leno and ain't coming by. Haha.

While Beckham's tragic scheduling conflict no doubt left many CAA staffers disappointed, we're sure he'll be back to the Death Star the first moment he's available. At that time, he'll finally be able to gaze upon the awe-inspiring majesty of the 100-foot "Becks Collossus," the momument they've erected outside of their headquarters as an extravagant tribute to the greatness of their current most-beloved client.