We have no details whatsoever, but a tipster informs us that CAA's Century City Death Star is currently being evacuated. We'll be happy to pass along more information—a critical breach of the baby-containment unit? a malfunction in the giant rooftop particle cannon that's resulted in the incineration of an entire floor of employees? an emergency Beckham-welcoming ceremony?—as it becomes available. Developing... UPDATE: Still no explanation for the evacuation, but we're told everyone was quickly called back into their stronghold for immediate re-chaining to their desks.

A tipster informs us that today is Community Service Day at William Morris, and that the firm has dispatched an army of agents and assistants into the city to participate in charitable works like building houses, planting trees, and helping the elderly cross dangerous intersections. (Feel free to give WMA a call if you need some trash picked up. For one day at least, they're there for you!) In a related story, today is Do A Little Extra Evil Day at the Death Star, CAA's attempt to pick up the slack for whatever sins are going uncommitted by their temporarily do-gooding rivals.

Endeavor's Ari Emanuel, so publicly appalled by the media's digging up of 16-year-old dirt on buddy Chris Albrecht after his much-publicized Vegas domestic violence arrest, played matchmaker in the meeting that led to Albrecht's new gig at IMG. Also, Albrecht's received the Sarah Jessica Parker Seal of "I'd Work With Him Again" Approval: "It's a town of second, third and fourth chances... I would never be reluctant to work with him again. Maybe I'm being Pollyanna-ish, but people want to work with people who have been successful." [NY Times]

· In case you haven't heard, Jon Stewart is going to host the Oscars again. Obligatory press release self-deprecation follows: "I'm thrilled to be asked to host the Academy Awards for the second time because, as they say, the third time's the charm." [Variety, THR]
· NBC greenlights a pilot for Rat Entertainment's cop drama Blue Blood, a project that will see the collision of irresistible party-boy force Brett Ratner with immovable rock-star object Ben Silverman, unleashing a wave of good-time energy that will likely reduce all of Hollywood to smoldering rubble. [Variety]
· The next time Hell's Kitchen star Gordon Ramsay sears his scrotum on a hot oven, it will be an Endeavor agent who holds the bowl of ice water into which he can dip his still-sizzling testes. [THR]
· Fight Club alter-egos Brad Pitt and Edward Norton reteam for Universal's State of Play, a feature adaptation of the British miniseries about a journalist's investigation into the murder of a congressman's girlfriend. We're unfamiliar with the source material, so we won't promise any scenes in which the duo strip off their shirts and stage a much-clamored-for FC rematch. [Variety]
· The Weinstein Company's $2-2.5 million purchase of George A. Romero's Diary of the Dead, ahem, reanimates the Toronto Fest market. [THR]

A tipster informs us that Hoboken Beach Diet Man, the fake-bearded, beer-helmeted, spandex-clad local superhero who's recently taken to the streets of Los Angeles in his crusade to promote Truth, Justice, and the Self-Promoting Hollywood Way, reappeared in front of Endeavor's offices earlier this afternoon in hopes of finding someone to represent his screenplay. Perhaps after reading about Hoboken Man's inspiring "never give up" credo or watching his YouTube "infomercial," Endeavor superagent Ari Emanuel will have his heart sufficiently melted to order an underling to retrieve a copy of the screenplay from the lovably unselfconscious scribe dancing outside his headquarters. Or, failing that act of kindness, he could at least send a mailroom clerk to give the human eyesore a ride over to the CAA Death Star.

· Starz tries its hand at scripted programming, hoping not to jar viewers expecting to see famous faces on their rerun movies by centering its strategy around two celeb-driven half-hour comedies: one about a house-renovating TV show and one about a shrink-to-the-affordable-celebrity-guest-stars. [Variety]
· Endeavor welcomes fussy Six Feet Under funeral director and Dexter psychopath Michael C. Hall into the family. [THR]
· The just-concluded Telluride Film Festival snags 12 world premieres, including Dylan biopic I'm Not There and Noah Baumbach's Margot at the Wedding. [Variety]
· Perhaps tiring of hearing about how Jason Bourne could easily kick James Bond's ass, the producers of Bond 22 bring on Bourne franchise action designer Dan Bradley as their second unit director. [THR]
· ABC promises that it will hire a fifth View co-host soon, probably before Elizabeth Hasselbeck leaves to pop out the baby she's seemingly been carrying for two years. [THR]

Yesterday, we received a breathless report, subject heading: "What is going on?!!?," from an operative who described, quite vividly, a "fat white guy dressed in blue spandex, a fake black beard, blue double beer helmet, and [holding] a sign" standing outside of Paradigm's offices. Sadly, no photo was provided, and so we were left to our wild and colorful imaginations to fill in the blanks—and fill in we did, picturing an end-of-his-rope George Wendt doing whatever he deemed necessary to finally get his agent to return his calls.

· The Daily Show is going to Iraq, eschewing the safety of the green screen to try its chances in the Green Zone.
· Now this is the way to quit your job. It looks like Ed Limato has one fewer qualified candidate for his blowfish-guarding detail.
· Mark Burnett has sold another show to NBC; think of this one as Are You Smarter Than the Friends and Family Members Paid A Nominal Fee to Humiliate You With Stories You Can Hardly Remember?
·You'd think by now that each time K-Fed gets a temp job, we wouldn't get so excited. But each new gig remains a fresh little thrill, and we can't wait to see what he's got in store for us on One Tree Hill.
· RIP, Leona Helmsley, the Queen of Mean.

"The only item Limato, who pulled down a base of $5.25 million before getting the bum's rush, has re turned to claim was a bowl housing his half-dozen exotic fish. 'ICM refused to build him a custom aquarium, which he de manded when ICM first moved into their new MGM Tower offices in February,' noted the insider. 'He had at least one blowfish and named them all after his old assistants. If one ever died over the weekend, his assistants would replace it with an exact replica so Ed would not know.' A call to Limato's new office at William Morris was not returned." We wonder if Limato is aware of his new agency's disturbing history of fish murder. He might have to hire an assistant just to keep his aquarium safe from malefactors. [Page Six]

· Jamie Foxx effectively pre-nominates himself for a future Oscar by signing on to star in the DreamWorks drama The Soloist, based on a true story of Nathan Ayers, a homeless, schizophrenic Julliard dropout who plays his violin and cello on the streets of downtown LA, and who developed a special friendship with LAT columnist Steve Lopez. Our hearts are already warmed on the logline alone. [Variety]
· We're overjoyed by the news that HBO has picked up Flight of the Conchords (for our money, the funniest show on TV) for a second season, but thoroughly ambivalent that Entourage is getting a fifth. [THR]
· Former ICMer Ed Limato and his A-list roster of clients (Denzel Washington, Mel Gibson, Richard Gere, Steve Martin, Michael Biehn. Wait, Michael Biehn?) end up at William Morris. But most importantly, Limato and new boss Jim Wiatt are still deciding whether or not they'll continue the agent's geriatric pre-Oscar blowout. [Variety]
· Scarlett Johansson is trying to book every available job in town before the strike hits. [THR]
· Dakota Fanning will team up with Djimon Hounsou and that guy from the Fantasic Four (the firey one, not the rubbery one, we think) on the thriller Push, about "a group of young American ex-pats with telekinetic and clairvoyant abilities who hide from a U.S. government agency in Hong Kong and band together to try to escape the control of the division." Whew, no mention of rape. We're relieved Fanning's doing something lighter and not revisiting that regrettable phase of her career. [Variety]

An arbitrator officially sets Ed Limato free from ICM, a ruling that will allow him to take his old clients (Mel! Denzel! Gere! Steve! Liam!) with him as he searches for any new agency willing to foot the bill for his services and his fancy Oscar parties. Somewhere in Century City, a bartender is setting up a round of fresh babytinis on the house to celebrate his emancipation. [Variety]

· Hollywood Out of Ideas, Five Lions, Zero Ideas Edition: With Transformers breaking so many nonsequel box office records this summer, it was only a matter of time before someone put Voltron, the other 80s cartoon/toy series about robots that do cool, transforming-related stuff (no offense to Gobots)—into the adaptation pipeline.[Variety]
· In a tear-soaked promotion ceremony that begins with some lucky trainees tossing coffee in the faces of a new crop of mailroom clerks and ends with the official awarding of their golden shark fins, ICM elevates four staffers to agent status. Oh, happy day! [THR]
· Stardust director Matthew Vaughn will do the feature adaptation of Marvel comic book Thor, the musclebound deity with the nicest hair in all of Norse mythology. [Variety]
· NBC Universal might be trying to buy Oxygen, but Oprah and her group of investors might be turning up their nose at anything less than the $3 billion of "BET money" Viacom paid for that network. [THR]
· Hollywood Out of Ideas, Diddling Bruce Lee Edition: Warner Independent plans a noirish remake of Enter the Dragon. [Variety]

With the possibility of a disastrous™ writers strike (or, a little later down the line, a combined writers/actors/directors one) looming, THR notes that agents are sweating through their Armani as they try to panic-book clients into any movie that might provide a pre-labor-Armageddon commission. (One needs to look no further than the Reporter's singling out of Jim Carrey, who's collecting roles like a homeless man whose next meal is dependent upon his ability to accumulate a shopping cart full of "good enough" aluminum cans, to see how dire the situation is becoming.) Now that much of the top-flight talent is either booked or sitting the next few months out, the THR piece offers some big names who are still looking for jobs:

We generally find that splashing Endeavor superagent Ari Emanuel's cherubic face across our humble homepage more than once a day is overkill, but circumstances demand that he make a second appearance on this lovely afternoon. In an e-mail we received with the subject line "Ari Emanuel Gives Back," we learned that the Man Upon Whom Jeremy Piven's Emmy-Winning Entourage Character Is At Least Partly Based graciously agreed to take some time off from handwriting thoughtful "It's not you, it's our commitment to representing those who make us more money than you" notes to recently fired clients to appear in front of a summer session class at UCLA, where the students begged their well-connected instructor for an audience with Hollywood's most recognizable ten-percenter. The press release follows:

While evil agenting monolith CAA has recently undertaken dramatic displays of appreciation for their high-earners (new motto: "Killing our clients very, very slowly with kindness since 2007"), their rivals at Endeavor are withdrawing their love from the names at the bottom of their roster. DHD's Nikki Finke reports that Ari Emanuel's ongoing crash client-diet should leave his agency 25% slimmer by the time their purge is complete:

We'll get this out quickly, because time is of the essence: In just a few minutes, Steve Wonder will be performing in the courtyard outside CAA's Century City Death Star, a concert celebrating both the announcement of a new tour and the evil agenting monolith that will stop at nothing in the ruthless promotion of his show business interests. From an internal e-mail touting the surprise show:

Is there no end to ICM's unspeakable cruelty? First they take his job, and now they're coming for his beloved anti-Semite (and all his other clients): "'All the other talent agents at ICM have been meeting 'round the clock to make sure that all Limato will take when he leaves is the shirt on his back,' laughed one insider. 'ICM's Doug MacLaren has been working with Gere for years and believes he'll stay. ICM chief Jeff Berg handled much of Gibson's business and made Mel rich. And Berg originally signed Steve Martin. They are gleeful at the prospect of sticking another agency with the bill for Limato, and keeping all of his clients.'" [Page Six]

While backstage personnel at the L.A. Sports Arena's Daft Punk show on Saturday night were initially confused about the purpose of a mysterious contract rider item calling for "six (6) plump babies of no more than one month of age," once an agency liaison showed up and hung this sign over the basket of squirming, mewling infants the promoters had harvested from a local hospital's nursery, everything started to make a little more sense.

Competing agencies scoff at CAA's surprisingly progressive program in which it pauses from scorching the bottoms of its assistants' feet with a hot fireplace poker long enough to allow them to pitch projects to clients (which recently resulted in a comedy sale to Imagine superproducer Brian Grazer), fearing that such humane shenanigans could interfere with the call-rollers' development into perfect killing machines. [THR]

Our Wednesday morning survey of Hollywood loneliness shifts from love-starved starlets to superannuated talent agents who will soon find themselves back on the market once their messy divorces are finalized. Today's Page Six evaluates Ed Limato's prospects for post-ICM happiness, noting that any agency courtship might be hampered by the fact that the septuagenarian won't be a cheap date: