Report: CAA Sends Evil Minions To Camp Out At Century City Apple Store
The already ferocious industry competition for our city's scarce iPhone supply may have just become much fiercer with the addition an utterly ruthless player to the market: Sources tell us that CAA has dispatched* up to 10 assistants to infiltrate the camp outside of the Death Star-adjacent Apple store in the Century City mall, where the coveted device will be made available for purchase in a mere 21 hours.
While we know we hardly need to remind our readers of the unspeakable acts of which the Creative Artist minions are capable, we still feel it's our responsibility to warn any rival agency or studio underlings pressed into line-waiting duty not, under any circumstances, to drift off into sleep in that queue. The moment the eyes of the weary gently shut, they'll be beset by the CAA drones, losing not only their place in line to reinforcements that seem to materialize from the crisp night air, but any internal organs that can be removed with nothing more than plastic utensils from the food court, a grisly tribute that will be delivered to their masters along with their gleaming new phones.
*UPDATE: An operative dispatched to the scene reports that as of around 10 pm Thursday night, there was still no line at Century City. We'll have to assume that the invasion begins Friday morning. Be ready. Those organ extractions are going to be especially terrifying in broad daylight.
