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In a full-page ad in today's Variety, Comerica Bank proudly announces the opening of its CAA Death Star branch, a long overdue amenity for any harried Creative Artists drone who found it terribly inconvenient to wander onto Avenue of the Stars to snatch the purses of unlucky pedestrians every time partner Bryan Lourd complained that his petty cash pocket felt "a little empty." While the branch will be open to the public, it will feature a set of services targeted towards drawing the agency's business: a ten percent fee will be deducted from all non-CAA ATM withdrawals and deposited into the company's corporate account, and the branch will feature a state-of-the-art, refrigerated vault, designed to keep all baby deposits fresh for up to a year, guaranteeing that their flesh will remain as tasty as the day they were first harvested from their Bugaboo strollers at the nearby Century City Mall.

[Ad: Digital Variety]