This image was lost some time after publication.

Late yesterday afternoon, we noted the plight of employees toiling in several CAA Death Star-adjacent office buildings, who have been suffering inhumane, air-conditioning-free working conditions since "construction workers" damaged a water line that feeds their climate-control systems. Today, our suspicion that the Century City-terrorizing agency is behind the ongoing outage deepens: We've received this obviously counterfeit flier supposedly from the "management" of 1900 Avenue of the Stars, an inept attempt to lure those whose mental faculties have been impaired by the sweltering heat of an uncooled office to their doom. We recommend that those in the affected buildings remain in the safety of their cubicles, avoiding at all costs the seemingly friendly, Armani-clad popsicle pushers on the Plaza level who will gut them the instant the opportunity presents itself. We only hope we're not too late.*

[*Due to server problems, we fear this didn't go live until it was far too late to save some lives. We apologize in advance to the families of anyone lost in what will be known as the CAA Creamsicle Massacre.]