The very first Democratic debate of 2016 was mostly underwhelming with a few high and/or insane (which is to say, Jim Webb) moments. But there can only be one winner, and according to aspiring social media intern Donald Trump, that winner was Donald Trump.

On November 7, Donald Trump will take the Saturday Night Live stage in what will either be the greatest tragicomedy of our time or a complete and utter disaster. Either way, one thing is for certain: It is going to be very, very painful. We can’t wait.

As part of her not-forced campaign to seem less forced and more likable, Hillary Clinton has been engaging in some lighthearted trolling of the Republican party lately. Her latest totally spontaneous jab came outside the casino of James Bond villain/Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump.

Amid accusations of mismanagement, overspending, and undisclosed bonuses to executives, the directors of a Donald Trump-branded development in Panama City—Central America’s largest building—fired Trump’s company, the Associated Press reports, as the manager of the building and the hotel it contains.

Laurel Harper—the mother of gunman Chris Harper-Mercer who murdered nine people at Umpqua Community College last week—is not only an active and passionate gun owner, but an active and passionate fan of Donald Trump, according to a Yahoo Answers account uncovered by The New York Times.

If you have lain your head atop a soft 400-thread-count pillowcase at a Trump hotel in the past year, your credit card number was probably stolen. According to the Trump Hotel Collection, the credit and debit card numbers of customers who visited one of seven different Trump hotels between May 2014 and June 2015 may have been stolen by hackers.

The real ideological battle in the Republican primary will not be over taxes, or foreign policy, or immigration. Rather, it is a contest to find who will capture the valuable “Racist Hick Football Fan” demographic.

Lint-crusted dried apricot Donald Trump spoke tonight in New Hampshire, offering details of his tax plan, a pledge to deploy Carl Icahn to do pretty much whatever the hell he wants over in China, and his assessment of the long-standing relationship of fellow candidates Marco Rubio and Jeb Bush:

Cable news fever dream Donald Trump released his big tax plan this morning after hemming and hawing over the details on last night’s 60 Minutes interview.

Unfortunately for 60 Minutes correspondent Scott Pelley, disgraced Pope impersonator Donald Trump was interviewed by 60 Minutes correspondent Scott Pelley. And it was exactly the train wreck you were hoping for.

Just as the Pope was touching down in New York City on Thursday, Donald Trump was peeking his feathered head over a railing to a rousing chorus of boos.

Today Donald Trump tried to give credit where credit is due. While speaking in Charleston, South Carolina, he mocked the “shrill” Hillary Clinton for denying that she started the birther movement, doubting that President Barack Obama was born in the United States before he did.

Stephen Colbert is the latest to ask Donald Trump if he knows where President Barack Obama was born.

On Saturday night, Donald Trump appeared in the parking lot of Urbandale High School, in suburban Des Moines, Iowa, to speak to the teens gathered there before their fall homecoming dance. “Hello folks,” Trump said. “Oh, they’re so young. Look at them, so young and beautiful and attractive.”

Until today, Donald Trump’s campaign website had a “positions” page that outlined his stance on just a single issue: immigration. (Deport every undocumented person and build a wall along the border with Mexico.) Now he’s got a second position, on gun control. Congratulations, Donald! Chugging right along.

Thursday evening in New Hampshire, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump didn’t bother to correct an audience member who called President Obama a Muslim, The Washington Post reports.

Reality is the most terrifying game of all.

Last night’s GOP debate showed idiot-shepherd Donald Trump lean away from his usually rhetorical tactic of bragging about money, and instead embracing babies. Babies, babies, babies—the man is crazy for babies. Baby? Babe?

Donald Trump, a person who will never be president, has nevertheless been the nexus of the American media’s coverage of the 2016 presidential campaign season, an event which is nominally about determining who will be president in 2016. This dynamic will not change in tonight’s Republican debate. As long as it’s going to continue, don’t you wonder what he’d do if he were actually elected?

“Had a record crowd in Boone, Iowa,” Donald Trump captioned a photo taken in Ames, Iowa, and uploaded to Facebook, with the student section at Saturday’s football game between Iowa State and Iowa Universities. Wrong on both counts!