The very first Democratic debate of 2016 was mostly underwhelming with a few high and/or insane (which is to say, Jim Webb) moments. But there can only be one winner, and according to aspiring social media intern Donald Trump, that winner was Donald Trump.

Trump was building up his big live-tweeting showdown all day long, promising the sort of swift, incisive criticism America craves.

Which turned out to be criticism of commercials, for instance.

Or our general lack of imagination.

There was even the occasional endorsement.

And even more shocking, a rare apology from the drunk Monopoly man himself.

But Trump didn’t restrict himself to just astute commentary and zingers. He even gave the every-man a voice, with the vast majority of his tweets consisting of his very own, Trump-brand retweet.

So congratulations to Donald Trump on his big win this evening. And our sincerest condolences to the losers out there—which is to say, all literate Twitter users. Maybe next time.

Contact the author at ashley@gawker.com.