Perhaps we've been so lulled into complacency by the Payless crowd's mass adoption of the Ugg boots that we're not scared shitless by the advent of the Regina boot. The Regina might be part of the next wave of an utterly hideous invasion, but can we really be afraid of something this nonsensically furry? Certainly, there's something unnerving about taking the gayest thing in Elton John's closet and then Crazy-Gluing a mass of freshly-shorn Abominable Snowman pubic hair to it, but we imagine there's only going to be so many yeti pubes to go around; scarcity might slow the invasion from all but the vanguard of the fashion-retarded. We refuse to panic until we see a pair padding around Beverly Hills, accessorized with a unicorn-horn headband.

A spy visiting the Fox sitcom Quintuplets tips us off about this morning's table read, where Tara Reid inauspiciously began her guest appearance as a "hot teacher" character. Behold the glory of stunt casting! (Obviously, the show's writers thought making her a nuclear physicist might stretch credulity.) Reid didn't exactly burn up the set, leaving the "hot" at home. "She was wearing baggy jeans and a baggy shirt. Her hair was stringy, her eyes were all droopy and her skin was bad. Not hot. Seemed hung over." At least she's got those comic chops from her stint on Scrubs, right? "Not really funny either." Oh. We're sure she'll take this critique to heart and do a round of restorative tequila shots tonight in preparation for tomorrow's rehearsal.

Because it wouldn't be a Monday (or a day that ends in "day") without Paris Hilton managing to insinuate her celebutante bones into the tabloids, Star mag reports that Hilton's friendship with pneumatic party-girls Tara Reid and Lindsay Lohan has her considering a visit to the surgeon for a breast augmentation. Even though a source says Paris wants to keep them in the B-cup range, we can see this quickly devolving into a silicone arms race. By early next year, Reid and Lohan might be rolling their competitive chests into Concorde in the child's seat of a shopping cart; by summer, Paris will be pushing her new girls in a sequin-covered wheelbarrow.

Variety reports that John Woo has signed on to direct and produce a live-action adaptation of the He-Man cartoon. We don't want to ignite another Ang Lee controversy, but perhaps Woo's choice to take a shot at He-Man might be charitably attributed to a language barrier? Or maybe Fox pulled a bait-and-switch on Woo, dangling a prestige property from the 80's cartoon pantheon, like The Snorks, My Little Pony, or Monchichi, and then saddling him with a franchise that's already been tainted by Dolph Lundgren.

· Iconic, Psycho shower-stabbing victim Janet Leigh dies at age 77...peacefully, in her home. [THR]
· Tim Robbins and LOTR's Miranda Otto are in negotiations to join Tom Cruise in Stephen Spielberg's War of the Worlds remake. If deals are finalized, Robbins will play an astronomer and Otto will valiantly try to fend off Cruise's aggressively hetero on-set advances as she plays his wife. [THR]
· ABC's Desperate Housewives debuts to huge ratings. (Even we watched it—who knew our TV gets ABC?—and truth be told, if was kind of great.) With the network's early-season success, their programming executives may get a reprieve from their planned mass suicide during sweeps. [THR]
· I Heart Huckabees opens with a huge ($75,016) per-screen average—in NY and LA. The limited release of Woman, Thou Art Loosed cracks the top ten. [Variety, sub. req'd.]
· Boozy lobster-liberator Edward Furlong signs on for the indie film Jimmy & Judy. Good to see crime hasn't slowed his career. [THR]

With Shark Tale's utterly predictable box office victory this weekend, the AP declares animation voiceover work to be the "cool thing to do in Hollywood." Pray tell, AP coolhunters, what's the appeal of working in the hotter-than-hott CGI genre?

In an attempt to ensure that no one ever, ever gets any work done while they're on the clock, Gawker Media (the "empire" that sends us a monthly stipend of Ramen noodles and Cossack vodka in exchange for sitting around in our underwear all day) launches three new, testosterone-centered titles. The new kids: Jalopnik, a blog so obsessed with cars you can inspect its "gear shift knob" for tailpipe burns; Kotaku, a blog for the bleary-eyed, fatigue-thumbed video-gamer; Screenhead, a blog repository of the web's best "funny shit." Check out our new writers as they post their hearts out, pretending to shrug off the lashes from Brobdingnagian blog impresario Nick Denton's cat o' nine tails. Don't worry, guys—you won't even feel the wounds once they scab over.

Recently fake-married pop star Britney Spears has dropped nearly $7 million dollars on a 9,000 square-foot Malibu dream house. It's unknown if the singer has moved in before a number of renovations are completed: The house's wet bar is being retrofitted so that Spears has cold Red Bull on tap, one of its beach-facing hot tubs will be filled with a self-replenishing supply of Cheetos, and a combination background-dancing studio/day care center for husband Kevin Federline and his children from a previous relationship is still under construction. (Plans to have the house's eight bathrooms replaced with public restrooms are still in the drafting stage.) These improvements should boost the house's resale value considerably once divorce proceedings begin in approximately seven months, shortly after the birth of their first child.

We lovingly present the numbers from your weekend of CGI shark consumption:

Friday
1. Think that there aren't enough hipster documentaries about rivalries between indie bands? We do! Luckily, Dig!, about the competition between the Dandy Warhols and The Brian Jonestown Massacre, is showing at the Nuart to fill that void in local cinema.
2. Or if you're in the mood to celebrate John Kerry's debate performance, you can check out Going Upriver.
Saturday
3.Create: Fixate hits downtown like a burning Skid Row shanty-town filled with artists. We have no idea what that means, but check it out anyway.
4. The Libertines and dance-punk heroes Radio 4 play the Henry Fonda. As always, it's BYOD, but how hard is it to score in the middle of Hollywood?
5. Help Fox recover some of the production budget from The Complex: Malibu, as the condos renovated on the show are up for auction.
Sunday
6. Stay glued to your TV sets, as both the Angels and Dodgers fight to make the playoffs in the last weekend of the season. If you don't make it to Dodger Stadium for the game, we ask that you observe the rules of local fandom and turn off the game after the seventh inning.

We'd like to pause for a moment and give the proverbial "shout-out" to our sponsors, without whom we'd be "having sex" for "money" on Hollywood Boulevard. And really, no one wants that. To find out how to advertise with us and reach the hungriest consumers in the world, see this page.

—Interpol — "Interpolantics: New Album in Stores September 28th — OctoberTour Dates — Ringtones — Interpol Space — and more."

—Defamer presents A Dirty Shame, the newest Film by John Waters: A Gawker Media publication with Fine Line features

A reader offers her impression of the presentation of everyone's favorite fashion accessory from the savvy spiritual capitalists of the Kabbalah Centre:

We sincerely hope that you like CGI sharks, otherwise you may find this a good weekend to catch up on lawn maintenance or finally getting started on that extramarital affair.

· Justin Timberlake and Emile Hirsch to star in Nick Cassavetes film Alpha Dog. Getting excited because your favorite pop star is acting again? Not so fast! Box office buzzkiller Sharon Stone is along for the ride. Yeah, Timberlake will probably still sleep with her. [THR]
· Unsurprising news of the Fall season: Joey gets a full season pick-up after three airings. NBC-Uni mogultini Jeff Zucker also threw in three years of piggy-back rides for Matt LeBlanc from his car to the set. [THR]
· Disney gives up on adult movie-goers, vows to stick to the family-friendly schlock they are known for from now on. And if that doesn't work, Michael Eisner is going to grab children by their ankles as they enter Disneyland and shake them until their souvenir money falls out. [Variety, sub. req'd.]
· Paul Resier is probably not dead: Paul Reiser signs a two-year first—look deal with Paramount TV. [THR]
· The Chris Columbus-directed film version of Rent goes from Warner Bros to Revolution Studios. Two straight days with Chris Columbus news? It's like a really shitty Christmas! [Variety, sub. req'd.]

With all of the attention that Britney Spears' announcement that she's going to write on her website attracted, you'd think someone just found a video with twelve hours of Spears fucking punctuated by a diatribe on the merits of slavery. [Ed.note—That's so unfair. This is the Letter of Truth! ] Nevertheless, we feel compelled to ask: "Is it up yet?" Because we've spent the last 24 hours trying to raise the $24.95 membership fee, and after a very uncomfortable night bent over on the passenger seat of a certain A-list actor's H2, we're almost halfway to our goal! Should the letter get posted before the second phase of our "Pledge Drive For the Truth" (where the action in the Hummer might result in a permanent limp) is completed, feel free to forward on the Truth to us. We promise we'll reallocate our Truth fund to therapy, or least a mid-priced cane.

As if Sunset Blvd. hadn't already suffered enough after hosting a billboard tribute to Jenna Jameson's chop-shop plastic surgeon and Vincent Gallo's towering monument to fellatio, Page Six reports that a Kabbalah Centre billboard promoting The Red String Book is going up today. We'd love to throw our hands up in the air and exhort God to help us all, but we forget which one of His 72 names should be invoked for spontaneous billboard combustion. (Also, there's got to be one that makes Madonna fall into a coma for 40 years, but we digress.) As always, sending us your guerrilla phonecam pictures of the enormous Kabbalah ad will buy you instant passage to the VIP section of Heaven, where the Saved get to throw empty beer bottles at the Centre's cultists as they bob in a pool of their magic water.

—"If you think that rape should be legal, then don't vote." Someone should really sign up Cameron Diaz to debate Bush. She's got the um, zeal to get the job done.
—Did someone teach Paris Hilton how to use instant messaging? [via stereogum]
—Could it be possible that we were scooped on breaking Lohan news? Egads!
—Andy Towle has more news from the set of Jake Gyllenhaal/Heath Ledger gay cowboy flick Brokeback Mountain.
—And since we haven't mentioned the debates enough today, poli-nerd sister site Wonkette has a drinking game to keep you occupied during the flip-flop talk.

Last week Warner Bros. announced that the release of Oliver Stone's Alexander was getting pushed back a couple of weeks, presumably so they'd have a better shot at some Oscars. But now The Scoop's Jeannette Walls reports that the opening was moved over concerns that the movie's hot man-on-man action might be too much for the public's delicate sensibilities:

1. We've been plunged so deeply into our clichéd Hollywood left-wing, liberal hysteria that we're probably going to hallucinate that John Kerry is debating Dick Cheney in a cheap, drug-store devil costume. But that's not going to stop us from watching and occasionally screaming "You've got to be fucking kidding me!" at the television long after the debates are over. Watch the debate or be forced to turn in the microchip Donald Rumsfeld has secretly implanted in your spleen and then immediately leave the country.
2. Defamer favorite T.C. Boyle (Drop City, The Road to Wellville, World’s End) reads from his new book, The Inner Circle, a fictionalized account of the life and work of sex researcher Alfred C. Kinsey, tonight at Book Soup.
3. Earlimart is playing a CD release show at El Cid. We'd encourage you to catch them before they blow up, but since we like their stuff, they're probably over already.

Your guesses for Ted Casablanca's especially stingy blind item clues have been logged by our army of interns and are presented below. Again, One Blind Blind Vice: