Press releases can be heartwarming. How often do you get the chance to see a gay porn star realize his dream?

• Yes, yes, yes, we know: A giant Popsicle melted in Union Square yesterday. Please stop emailing now. [Gothamist]
• After fighting a losing fight with Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, the Upper East Side's famous Beekman Theater is closing Sunday. We're told it's featured in a film by Woody Allen, but we know nothing of his work. [The New York Opinion]
• A tip to customer-service folks: When you're going to fuck with someone, probably best not to make it a media macher who has worked at more publications than we read — and especially one who has a popular blog. [BuzzMachine]

• Jason Loewenstein of Sub-Pop's Sebadoh, "hip-hop" (quotes our own) trio Northern State, AC/DC worshippers Supagroup, house DJ Tommie Sunshine, and a host of others rally around the poor staffers of the Village Voice for the paper's Union Strike Fund Benefit show at Rothko. Support them, but remember: We work for chicken shit and fake prescription drugs but you don't see us striking. [Rothko]
• Francois K helps techno party Robots celebrate its one-year anniversary at Canal Room. Do it to it, Earthlings. [flavorpill]
• It's the Attack of the Killer Mid-1990's Bands! Oasis play Madison Square Garden; Collective Soul play Irving Plaza. You likely attend neither. [Upcoming x2]

Hot on the cracked heels of the declaration of Gay Vague as the new straight and the new gay comes a tirade against "male infantilism" and all the Seth Cohens it has spawned. Writer Matthew Wilder recalls the era of manly men and sheds a tear for what's become of good, clean testosterone:

With Edgar Ray Killen going to prison for planning the "Mississippi Burning" murders of three civil rights workers in 1964, Six Flags will presumably have to find a new spokesman. This just keeps getting better.

Pride Week in the Bronx.

Do note the woman in the back, who is even less entertained than The Donald and Kathy Hilton.

Yes, it happened in the utterly lawless New York, but they're always a couple of months ahead of the West Coast. We suggest that all "Hollywood celebs" prepare for the coming domestic-led crime wave immediately, before credit cards are compromised and expensive jewelry snatched. Go—right now—and dangle your maid from the balcony by her ankles, until all of your purloined valuables clatter to the circular driveway below, and know that you are teaching her a valuable lesson about the intersection of personal property, class, and gravity.

Sightings are sent in by readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

• Kathy Hilton — entrusted to carry around Paris' chihuahua, Tinkerbell — feigns remorse when the dog bites a Today Show producer backstage. What's the problem? Doesn't everyone bring their more-famous-daughter's snippy dog to their television appearance? [Page Six]
• More unfolds regarding Oprah Winfrey's refused entry into the Paris Herm s store: While we wait for Oprah to have a softly lit special regarding this incident, Birkin bags are returned and the movie Crash gets a plug. [R&M]
• Despite Leonardo DiCaprio's recently slashed face, model Giselle still wants to have his baby. [Scoop]
• And will DiCaprio star in the movie treatment of Michael Jackson's descent into Howard Hughes-ism? [Fox411]
• Cynthia Rowley, designer-cum-slumlord? Probably not, but we like our spin. [Page Six]

Look out for his next release, "Easy Like Paris Hilton."

We hate to write about Lindsay Lohan for a third time in a mere 24 hours (okay, maybe we don't hate it), but Lohan was back for another round of fun on the Today Show. As the actress continued continued to totter about Rockefeller, she genuinely explained to Matt Lauer what it means to be El Hohan. Courtesy of Henry the Intern, do enjoy Lindsay Lohan's Talking Points:

Your tax dollars at work: Two days after the City Council shocked the city by uncovering news that some subway stations are dirty, the Public Advocate's Office will today release a study finding that Metrocards frequently don't scan properly. Reports the Post:

If you'll forgive us a brief moment of seriousness, we're pleased to see today's Times and News giving prominent, Page One coverage to yesterday's manslaughter conviction of Edgar Ray Killen. He's the Klansman who, 41 years earlier to the day, masterminded the killings of three civil-rights workers, including two idealistic New Yorkers who had traveled south, in Philadelphia, Miss. He was never before tried by the state, and there was a hung jury in his federal trial, and so he's been free all this time. It took four decades, but now he'll likely spend the rest of his life in jail.

For us, checking the Corcoran Real Estate Empire's Listings of Doom is as essential to our daily routine as our morning dose of java and adderall. Lo and behold, there's this little gem on West 93rd street, a 1-bedroom co-op for $365,000:

Lindsay Lohan just can't catch a break, you know? Her dad's in the slammer, her car's all banged up, her music career's been screwed, and those darn tabloids can't just accept her rapidly plummeting weight loss. Now, to make matters worse, Lohan's uncle is making nasty headlines. Paul Sullivan (brother of Lindsay's mother) has been freshly arrested in Long Island (of course) for mail fraud (what the fuck?). Allegedly, Sullivan was a bit too careless with his 9/11 relief loans, forging checks and scamming creditors. Tragic and classy; just further evidence that the Lohans are the Kennedys of our time.

• At some point in your life, you will come across something so calamitous, so disgusting and unbelievable that you are simply at a loss for words. The Kimora Lee Simmons blog is that very thing. [Blog Kimora]
• The street literature of mayoral candidate Gifford Miller has us wanting to call him Pony Boy. [The Politicker]
• As the IFC theater opens in the Village, the UES' Beekman draws its dying breath. Behold the circle of life, commercial property-style. [HR]
• How not to prepare for your NBA finals game: jet-skiing around an E. Coli-laden lake. Only in Detroit, folks. [Whatevs]
• David Sedaris wants money. Yours, to be exact. [Boulder Dirt]
• We're not sure at which exact point the career of Janeane Garofolo went so hideously wrong, but no matter. This is a woman in crisis. [Oxygen via Lindsayism]

• Perhaps the wackiest gay-pride stunt ever: A straight pastor is unicycling down the East Coast, collecting "human stories" of gay Americans for inclusion in a book. Queer, indeed. [Good As You]
• The New York City branch of the Log Cabin Republicans endorsed Bloomberg today. Because it's nice to find a Republican candidate who doesn't actively hate you. [Boi From Troy]
• We were busy watching Today this morning, so we missed this incident from Regis and Kelly's cruise-ship trip, sent in by a vigilant reader:

• Apparently finding Jake Dobkin as irresistible as we do, David Bowie — yes, that David Bowie — shows up at Movable Hype. [Daily Refill]
• The Blottered Boys report on John Hodgman's Little Gray Book lecture on how to commit the perfect crime without reporting at all on how to commit the perfect crime. [Blottered]
• Seemingly skeevy and potentially pederastic young-adult novelist Bennett Madison seeks posse of high schoolers for "research" purposes. And, no, kids, he says he won't buy you beer. [Bennett, Thou Are Loosed]
• Didn't hear enough about Hello Deli owner and Letterman neighbor Rupert Gee in the '90s? Here's the moment you've been waiting for. [Gothamist]

· James Frey reads from his new book, "My Friend Leonard," at the Chelsea Barnes and Noble. We love post-rehabbed authors!
· Flavorpill contributor Derek Beres launches his new book, "Global Beat Fushion: The History of the Future of Music," with the help of a Sufi charmer, a Ghazal artist, and an R&B gospel man. Sounds about right. [flavorpill]
· Overpriced wares and underfed girls abound at Gen Art's Shopping Spree. Make sure to sharpen your fingernails and put razorblades in your hair before you go. [GenArt]