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Look out for his next release, "Easy Like Paris Hilton."

When we heard the man who single-handedly spawned decades of prom-groping, bad bar mitzvah dancing, and the rise of Nicole Richie was turning 56, we knew we had to help him celebrate. So we begged and pleaded and, hell, even cajoled, until an invitation to the party at PM was in our hands. Then we sent Gawker correspondent Noelle Hancock and staff soft-core photographer Nikola Tamindzic, while we stayed home and snickered over the fact that they'd have "Brick House" and "All Night Long" stuck in their heads all week. After the jump, details of Nicole's engagement, belligerent ice cream men, and Star Jones lets husband Al out of his Louis Vuitton carrying case...

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Thinks she's interviewing Billy Ocean.

As I hop in my Gawker-subsidized Lincoln towncar — also known as the E train, because that s how we roll, yo — I think about Nicole Richie and, well, I m just gonna say it. I m not digging on the new Classy Nicole Era. What happened to the Nicole that hurled Clorox at pool tables and got her dog pink hair extensions? Isn't it in everyone's best interest for her to reconcile with Paris Hilton? I was once at Marquee with those two when they started beefin with some girl over the rights to a banquette. The fight culminated in Nicole chunking ice at the chick and Paris screaming at her that she was the fucking ugliest bitch ever. Now if that s not an enjoyable evening, I don't know what is.

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"Is Constantine here? What about Bo Bice? Okay, screw this — I know this guy at Suede who can totally hook us up with a bottle."

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Sister Deborah Richie: Neither mighty mighty, nor letting it all hang out. Discuss.

Standing outside PM is a group of professional autograph-mongers with glossy 8x10 photos and Sharpees in hand. One of them is wearing a shirt that proclaims, "I'm as confused as a hungry baby in a topless club!" Which pretty much tells you everything you need to know about them. Jonathan Antin, from the reality show Blowout , is chain-smoking behind a palm tree. Wearing a t-shirt and jeans, he will later be turned away at the door due to dress code and, possibly, irrelevancy.

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Women and cigarettes everywhere want Jonathan Antin to blow them.

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Drew Barrymore's mother, Jaid, copes with the fact that her daughter could very well marry someone named "Fab."

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Donovan McNabb, quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles (yep, totally had to look that up).

When an ice cream man rolls up playing a Bloomberg-infuriating tune, several paparazzo rush over to get cones. Nikola takes a picture of the driver, who responds by hurling a cup of McSomething at him. What do you think this is? A drenched Nikola asks, looking panicked. I joke that it was probably just the contents of the driver s splooge cup. He looks aghast and sniffs cautiously at his sticky arms. (On a side note, do you think that on nights when the driver has had too much whiskey, his girlfriend angrily starts breaking out the Mr. Softee metaphors? These are the things I think about.)

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"Hey Kids! I've got more ice cream cones in the back. Want to come inside and see? And a box of kittens! Nice, cute kittens..."

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The Apprentice's Kwame Jackson enjoys his sixteenth minute.

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Al Reynolds, sponsored by Eye Masters, John Varvatos, and Abused Husbands Anonymous (wife Star Jones and gimp mask not pictured).


Inside Lisa Gastineau is MILF-ing the spotlight for all it s worth, girlishly tossing her long hair like a college pre-frosh visiting her first frat house. Youth may be wasted on the young, but it looks kinda retarded on the old. In this case, anyway. Don t get me wrong. I d still do her. But she s no Dina Lohan.

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Tanorexia is no laughing matter.

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American Idol's Kelli Glover: "Mess with my butterfly, mess with me."

PM club owner Unik grabs a mic and starts doling out birthday well-wishes, but no one is really paying attention to him. They are too distracted by his hair, which looks like it should be growing in Joshua Tree National Park. Meanwhile, I m thoroughly enjoying Lionel Richie. He definitely gets points for the fact that he s still pimping that Dirty Sanchez stache after all these years. He tells me that Nicole is out of town. So what advice has he's given her about fame? "A) Enjoy it. B)Know who you are. C) Get 8 hours sleep. Which is an impossibility." I tell him he should consider freelancing.

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Three partygoers: None of them, in fact, brick houses.

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Tommy Davidson: "I was on In Living Color, I starred in Booty Call, and you're not gonna let me past the velvet rope?!"

"I m so knocked out! I m excited for her whole career!" Lionel gushes about Nicole's upcoming album, but says he'll never duet with her. "Never! Not in a million years. It s too much pressure for the both of us."

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Phillip Bloch looks for his heterosexuality.

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Lionel displays his endless love and chest hair.

So how does it feel to be losing a daughter? "It is just the oddest thing. I can't even tell you how weird it is," Lionel confesses. "But Adam [Goldstein, Nicole's fiancee] is a good guy. He came to ask my permission first and when he walked in my house, he looked incredibly nervous, which I was pleased about. That s something every father-in-law wants. When your son-in-law comes into Big Papa s house, he d better look nervous!"