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• Paris Hilton's fianc Paris Latsis is sketchy. Like you didn't know, and as if you needed further explanation. [Scoop]
• Page Six will be damned if it doesn't go to any length to assert its relevancy. As authorities still search Aruba for missing Natalee Holloway, the column declares prime suspect Joran Van der Sloot to be guilty of losing at poker. So, so important. [Page Six]
• Warner Music guru Edward Bronfman Jr. is honored for his work in the music industry. But, as it was a Jewish Appeal award, someone had to go and mention Warner's dismal stock price. [Lowdown]
• Nightclub Avalon shuts its doors after not quite three years of trying to live up to Limelight's glory days. [Page Six]
• Recognizing the Matrix as a disappointing franchise, Bungalow 8's finest cut in front of Keanu Reeves while he waits to tinkle. [R&M (2nd item)]