· Out: giving head. In: giving hand. Upper East Side freaks are licking palms to get off. [Observer (last item)]
· Tim Russert and Matt Lauer top CBS' long-shot wishlist of replacements for retiring anchor Dan Rather. [Newsweek]
· The meme that spreads faster than your sister on prom night: the Target marijuana sale. Hooray for holiday hackers. [Target]
· So Times public editor Daniel Okrent didn't use his weekend column to list all that he's thankful for, but we think we hit a chord with the blogger-as-patsy thing for the new Arts listings. [NYT]

So maybe this morning's blind items weren't super-challenging, but that's not OUR fault. Besides, we have to ease back into these defamation games (just games, mind you) after a long weekend. And while there were overwhelmingly consistent guesses, nothing is certain in the thinly-veiled world of fallen celebs. Your input after the jump.

The Sunday LAT chooses "middle class" actor Michael O'Neill as a representative of the throng of steadily-working-but-still-struggling thespians whose very existence is threatened by Hollywood's New Order of reality TV programming and escalating A-list salaries. While not having "The Conversation" with their families (about when to abandon their Tinseltown dreams), the middle class actor is given to concocting crazy scenarios in which the world's Tom Cruises magnanimously sacrifice part of their quotes to save their lower-paid brethren.

Sightings are sent in by readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

· It was inevitable: Paris Hilton hooks up with Colin Farrell; now everyone in Hollywood has fucked each other via no more than 3 degrees of separation. [Gatecrasher]
· A new restaurant from the owners of gauche eatery Le Cirque is slated to open in the Bloomberg building next year. The best part? A nonunion shop! Yay! [Page Six]
· Supermodel Heidi Klum and singer Seal are openly discussing baby-making. [ELK]
· Did former Gucci guru Tom Ford unsuccessfully try to buy out Donatella Versace? Maybe he should've ponied up more powder than cash. [Page Six]
· Singer Beyonc Knowles' mother, Tina, fights with Tommy Hilfiger over whose clothes her daughter will wear. So many class issues in play here, we don't know where to start. [R&M]

Yesterday, in a gilded Los Angeles hospital room, Oscar-winning actress Julia Roberts pooped out a set of babies. The twins were born a month early (which is funny, because we could've sworn Roberts has been pregnant for at least two years) and so it's time for another retarded celebrity baby-naming party! Hazel Patricia and Phinnaeus Walter Roberts-Moder (we're guessing on the hyphenation) will now join Apple Paltrow-Martin and MaKena'lei Gordon Carnahan-Hunt at the losers' lunch table. When you name your kids after domestic servants, it practically guarantees a lifetime of misery and ridicule.
Actress Julia Roberts Gives Birth To Twins [Reuters]

Bijou, Bijou, Bijou! So much to say, so little time. The beloved stabbing party girl (and occasional actress, we hear) is gracing this month's cover of Nylon. Some pearls of wisdom on insanity:

Back by overwhelming demand, we're going to post some lovely, schadenfreudelicious blind items from today's Page Six. We know you've got some ideas:

A Fark Photoshop contest wonders what would happen if the Mac was really a cult—and you can't say "cult" without invoking L. Ron's Kids. God, that's so creepy we're going to bury our iPod in the backyard right now.

· Pop star and gay icon George Michael is seeking protection against a stalker. Obviously he's in a tizzy because his deranged fan is a woman. [NYDN]
· In an upcoming issue of FHM, Mets' pitcher Kris Benson's wife Anna recounts sticking suppositories up her beloved's ass. [Page Six]
· George Clooney plans to make a Joseph McCarthy biopic in which the red-hunting senator is portrayed as a "demogogic villain." Oh, those evil, misguided Hollywood liberals. [Page Six]
· P. Diddy has captured a group of 5 brothers and forced them to sign their souls to his label in a thinly-veiled effort to recreate the Jackson 5. Yeah, look how good that turned out. [R&M]

No one uses Friendster anymore and MySpace is for emo geeks, so we just might pay attention to Elle columnist E. Jean Carroll's online social networking site, Catch27. You can network the traditional way, or you can fork over a little cash and create an online social life:

Let's be honest: who the hell wants to carry a turkey up six flights of stairs? Even we wouldn't do that to the Fresh Direct dudes, and it's not like we'd even know what to do with a raw bird anyhow. As such, we're chasing the tryptophan dragon back to Quaintsville for our yearly binge-and-purge. We'll be back, in some bloated form, after we're done cleaning the gravy off of our panties. Be good while we're gone, and try not to point your semiautomatic rifles at tomorrow's scary SpongeBob balloons.

· Former Playmate Divini Sorenson is coming forward with a not-really-fictional account of a quintessential bachelor and his palace full of drugged-up girlfriends. [Page Six]
· Mark Burnett is allowed to visit pie-master Martha Stewart in prison, but fellow defendant Peter Bacanovic is not. [Lowdown]
· Holy shit, what if Star Jones and Al Reynolds breed?! [Page Six]
· For some absurd reason, Harvey Weinstein has been made an honorary commander of the British Empire. Naturally, Michael Ovitz couldn't care less. [R&M]
· Britney Spears extols the virtues of young motherhood by mentioning that her own mom looked sexy in her black dress [when she went to church and] would come home and put on her size 2 shorts and a bikini top to wash the car & get a tan at the same time. [Scoop]

Sightings are sent in by readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

· Illinois Senator Barak Obama is eloquent, intelligent, and charismatic—the perfect man to lead the Democratic Party back to the White House in the next election. Too bad about that "no black presidents" constitutional amendment. In any event, he appears at the Union Square Barnes and Noble tonight at 7:00pm [Paper]
· Nothing kicks off the incipient holiday season better than excessive alcoholism and unnecessary shopping. Gucci provides the basis for both tonight, with free drinks at their store between 6-8pm. [What's Up NYC]
· Watch the emotionally stunted downtown boys wrestle with their adoration for minimalist indie songbird Holly Golightly at the Mercury Lounge. [flavorpill]

· Paris Hilton will be returning to the recording studio in order wrap her debut LP by February. Thankfully, she'll be working with Lil' Jon, if only to maintain her usual skeety aura. [MTV]
· Let the guessing games begin: who'll replace CBS Evening News Dan Rather come March? Anderson Cooper? Jon Stewart? Triumph the Insult Comic Dog?
· Gwyneth Paltrow and her fruity baby Apple are back in town. Let the young child's lifetime of American schoolyard name-calling commence! [JJB]
· Just to verify who does and doesn't suck, it's the 50 Coldest People In Hollywood. Congrats to this year's big winner, filmmaker Michael Moore. [Film Threat via Defamer]
· Thanks to the most bizarre celebrity auction to date, you too can own a stapler signed by the Dixie Chicks. [cMarket]
· Real rappers still steal shit, even if they've signed a record deal. [NYP]

In honor of the upcoming holiday, Fashion Week Daily asks some of our favorite socialites and fashion wanks what they are thankful for this year. While no one is so frank as to thank the sloppy Mexican border, the answers are still nothing short of heartwarming:

We hate to do this, but in the spirit of service journalism, there's something we need to show you: American Apparel founder and chronic masturbator Dov Charney's jewy man-cheeks, as featured in an advertisement for his company. Why would we subject you to something that might actually make your eyes bleed? Because we can. And we're kind of sick in the head.

· Late rapper Ol' Dirty Bastard may be gone, but he'll live on in a "bizarre" reality show for Spike TV, which wrapped shooting before his death. You know you're going to watch it. [R&M]
· Trannies and queens get no respect! At a party at Hammerstein Ballroom celebrating Palladium regulars Amanda Lepore, Scooby, Cody Ravioli and others, the ladies (some of which are indeed post-op ladies) were ordered out of the ladies room by a security guard. [Page Six]
· Want an interview with Pee-Wee creator Paul Reubens? Better not mention his guilty plea to kiddie porn charges or the fact that he has to register as a sex offender. In other words, you must agree to a very boring interview. [Lowdown]
· Rio de Janeiro is officially the destination of choice for the well-heeled gay crowd. Calvin Klein, George Michael, and Rupert Everett have all been spotted enjoying the local wares. [Page Six]
· Mariah Carey would like to be called "Mimi," if you had any interest in calling her at all. [Scoop]

Waste of web space.
Freeman's Restaurant
Related:
The Aftermath Of The Bush Twins At Freeman's