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We hate to do this, but in the spirit of service journalism, there's something we need to show you: American Apparel founder and chronic masturbator Dov Charney's jewy man-cheeks, as featured in an advertisement for his company. Why would we subject you to something that might actually make your eyes bleed? Because we can. And we're kind of sick in the head.

[Image from Sweet Action magazine via RedLipstick]