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· Pop star and gay icon George Michael is seeking protection against a stalker. Obviously he's in a tizzy because his deranged fan is a woman. [NYDN]
· In an upcoming issue of FHM, Mets' pitcher Kris Benson's wife Anna recounts sticking suppositories up her beloved's ass. [Page Six]
· George Clooney plans to make a Joseph McCarthy biopic in which the red-hunting senator is portrayed as a "demogogic villain." Oh, those evil, misguided Hollywood liberals. [Page Six]
· P. Diddy has captured a group of 5 brothers and forced them to sign their souls to his label in a thinly-veiled effort to recreate the Jackson 5. Yeah, look how good that turned out. [R&M]