· It s a long and twisted fantasy involving a wicked Lord Zalamit, but the moral of the story is simple: Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen will persuade thousands of people to commit suicide. Given the current NYU track record for self-inflicted harm, this doesn t seem too far-fetched. [Mary-Kate And Ashley Olsen Are Evil]
· We ve been purposely ignoring the new lifestyle magazine Trader Monthly, which targets Wall Street s finest metrosexuals, but Mediabistro can t resist. After all, the mag involves cocaine-laced dream analysis. [Mediabistro]
· Remarkably, Drudge has gone the entire day without putting a heee-larious tsunami photo at the top of his page. [Drudge]
· Law And Order: Criminal Intent continues to mirror reality (but in a far more entertaining fashion), as last night s storyline resembled the fiasco that is a Richard Meier condo. [Curbed]

Thanks to the intolerable overload of wrap-ups, we refuse to list the Best Whatever Of 2004 and we'd rather be fucked gently with a chainsaw than stoop to giving out Gawkies for Best Nip Slip. Instead, still-on-our-couch guest co-editor Matt Haber and I are looking ahead to the future. In 2005, Gawker resolves to:

The pop culture know-it-all emailers at Gossiplist alert us to the latest in the Paris Hilton Naked Saga: precocious Paris allowed herself to be "directed" in a short film conceived by none other than indie creepster Vincent Gallo. The cinematic glory can be found here but, just in case the video magically disappears (as they are wont to do), we've taken the time to make you a nice screen cap collage. You love the bunny, right? It's a nice, innocent contrast to Paris' amazing new push-up bra.

Oh my God, did you guys see The View this morning? Heh, us neither. Those catty, lovable queens over at Datalounge did, however, and their reportage is top-notch:

Gawker Media (publisher of this here site as well as Wonkette, Gizmodo, Defamer, Fleshbot, Screenhead, Kotaku, and Jalopnik) is looking for a corporate intern.

Sightings are sent in by readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

It was only a matter of time before the fashionistas came to their pretty senses and realized last week's tragic tsunami also affected their community. After all, if that body-hugging metallic jersey gown wasn't made in Milan, it was probably made somewhere in Southeast Asia. But don't think that means the stylish saints are going to be insensitive about the heartbreaking losses. Fashion Wire Daily reports:

You know it's going to be a fabulous year, full of peace and joy, when the Olsen twins are reunited with their Full House uncle, Jesse John Stamos. Our favorite starving gerbil-girls spent yesterday frolicking about the Magic Kingdom with Stamos, following a grain alcohol-soaked reunion at Miami club Prive. What do you think they talked about? Did they dish on Bob Saget or call Jodie Sweetin to make sure she was still alive?

· Failed democratic presidential candidate Wesley Clark is is reportedly working on a sitcom based on his civilian life. And so primetime entertainment continues its slow and torturous death. [ELK]
· Page Six announces the winners of its annual Sixy Awards. Tara Reid predictably snags the Over-Sixposed award and Harvey Weinstein wins for Six Cases Of Slimfast. [Page Six]
· Related: Jeannette Walls hands out her 2004 Scoopy Awards but wrongly gives the Breast of the Year award to Janet Jackson and not Tara Reid. [Scoop]
· If you dare to fail Ben Widdicombe's 2004 Gossip Quiz, we'll be forced to feed you to our interns. [Gatecrasher]
· Censors are put to work on editing season 2 of everyone's favorite reality show, Growing Up Gotti. Unfortunately, they're only cleaning up Victoria's language and not her sons' appearances. [R&M]

One year ago today, America's prefabricated angel, Britney Spears, entered into the holiest of matrimonies...with her first husband, that is. Yes, it's a sad day for childhood yokel-friend-ex-husband Jason Alexander, but the rest of us are celebrating our memories of the beginning of Britney's end. Do the holidays ever stop around here?!
[Image via Vegas Review Journal]

Sure, maybe we were a little naive to think our Hungarian overlord would innocently suggest a holiday vacation for his little editorial elves, but we certainly didn't deserve to be thrown into an unmarked van and sent off to a quaint facility West of the Hudson and East of the tolerable. It was there that Matt and I were forced to consume almost 6,000 calories a day. It was there that multivitamins were forced into our parched mouths. And it was there that we were exposed to the evils of "sunlight." By the time we wrestled out of our handcuffs and escaped from this seventh ring of the inferno, our $350 jeans looked unfashionably snug and our cheeks were a sickening shade of pink.

This is your guest-editor, Andrew Krucoff, signing off now and I would like to thank everyone who wrote in with tips or nasty comments. Both are equally fun to wade through. I apologize for the absence of a proper "To Do" list but if you don't have plans for tonight yet, you're a bit screwed. Of course, if desperation is your soulmate then check out Shecky's Guide for some help. Have a Safe and Happy New Year.

Two more end of year wrap-ups in case you didn't see them already: Year in Culture [Slate] and Year in Gossip [Salon]. One phrase that keeps popping up in these types of pieces is "coming of age" which we always thought referred to our 13th birthday and becoming a man (or woman). But other things come of age too, like really techie, business things, and some countries.

We end this series of guest contributors playing Santa to celebrities and other lesser-known beings with: New York Post's Jared Paul Stern who hates Lloyd Grove, blogger Jason Kottke equally hating apartment brokers, and Eddie Hayes, lawyer/Court TV analyst, who has nothing but love for New York.

· A coincidence that both Soho House and Lotus are throwing "Roaring '20's"-themed New Year's Eve parties tonight? Soho House manager Mark Somen thinks not. "Are you copying my ideas!!??" he wrote in an email to Lotus owner David Rabin, who we imagine responded: "LOL! ROFL! TTYL!" [Page Six]
· Paris Hilton is apparently not welcome in Gstaad, Switzerland. As the always thoughtful and not at all culturally insensitive Taki Theodoracopulous put it, "Poor Phuket got a tsunami, and we got Paris Hilton." Maybe the same judge who ripped away Anna Nicole Smith's inheritance could do the same with Paris's and give it to the tsunami relief effort. [Page Six]
· Cindy Margolis is having twins. Coors Light endorsement contracts are pending. [Page Six]
· Martha Stewart loses prison holiday decorating contest with only $25 worth of materials. Seriously, you can't love Jesus for less than $1500 a creche. [Daily Dish]

The international community has pledged $500 million (half of it from the World Bank) to help the recovery effort in the aftermath of the tsunami disaster in Asia. But what exactly is half a billion dollars in today's global economy? Let's have a look.

A real estate record was recently broken with the purchase of a $45 million estate in Wainscott, making it the most expensive home in New York state. (Just a butler's pension more than Rupert Murdoch's $44 million Fifth Avenue penthouse.) Industry insiders debate the value.

I've always been one to look for the silver lining, but it's taken a few days to find the good news in the tsunami. Finally, the answer comes: those pre-preview Fanta commercials which seemingly play in every theater before every single film, featuring four lithe, prancing she-whores. These four wriggling, thirst-quenching, multi-culti vixens are getting the bloody hell booed out of them in the theaters now, as they embarrassingly endorse a "tidal wave of flavor." D'oh! There are rumors of an anti-Fanta campaign being mounted, and we imagine Coca-Cola execs are crapping themselves as they rush to pull the ads.

Sightings are sent in by readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

· Finally, a year-end list we can support: The 27th Annual Top 8 NY Entities That Didn't Exist. It covers the Lower East Side, blogs, etc. [SITNNY]
· An unbelievable, almost shocking, comprehensive review of the year concerning only matters of import: gossip, pop culture, and media. You might have to print this one out. [The Corsair]
· Lindsay Robertson releases the results of her annual "Porn Titles For 2004 Movies" contest. Personal fave: I Penis Huckabees. [Lindsayism via Fleshbot]
· The official news from U2's website on the safety of Adam Clayton. He's alive. Climb back inside your iPods. [U2.com]
· Susan Sontag remembered as a Jew, above all. [Nextbook]
· Parents pay the rent for a "Spoiled Cunt" while she attempts to launch singing career. Ah, just another feel-good New York story. [You Can't Make It Up]
· Miami nightclubs market Paris Hilton as an attraction, whether she comes or not. But of course, she always comes. [Page Six Six Six]
· Joyce Purnick of the New York Times remembers 2004 as the year we took back the city, from ourselves. She also hands out her own gifts to local politicos. [NYT]
· A summary of the Year in Reality TV done with a respectable use of multi-colored fonts. [Reality Blurred via AdRants]
· Talk about relief efforts, the women of Algiers now have a fashion magazine. "It's a virgin market" said one French publisher. Yep, unlike us sluts in the States. [AlertNet via Mediabistro]